Tonight I broke loose and had a bit of a breakdown.
I suspect that most people from this forum have gone through this sort of situation before, so I wish to lay out what happened and see if anyone can share their own experience with me.
My sister came to visit me and the family for 2 weeks.
I have had a lot of built up emotions from my parent's not really showing me support and thus I became distant from them and they from me. (note: this is from being scared)
Almost every comment out of their mouth, as MJ would say "get my blood boiling" and it would keep building up and up. Now on top of that in came my sister. She recently discovered that she has ADD and is taking ritalin as the treatment. So naturally she has been extatic and keeps telling everyone how much it has helped her.
She is also very defensive about the topic, so anything I try to say on the topic becomes escalated and so I stayed away from it. (The main conflict here is that I see taking pills as an event instead of doing everything else first and seeing the results)
Alright, with that background information given, tonight my dad made a comment about a study that was shown about marijuana "what is this stupididity, the news always shows something stupid like this"
to which I responded " sooo, what exactly is stupid about it?"
he responded with " they always show these pointless studies, that don't matter at all"
me: " what's pointless about it?"
not to go any further but he basically hates the American media due to numerous reasons(all emotionally attached), but I just kept calling him out on it as he had no proof. (I would like to state that ironically, I agreed with him, but my reason came from the fact that most of these studies don't look at the person as a whole, but rather just the one factor)
But then I just flipped, as he raised his voice and I finally took a stand and started swearing as well (not that I too proud of that, but it was built up).
So after some exchanges I went to my room too cool of and they sat in the living room discussing what had just happened. (note, I NEVER ever do this. But it was built up and I kind of knew it was going to happen one day-my fault for not acting on this sooner)
After a while my sister came to talk to me and it was a tough conversation with lots of problems coming out.
Without giving too many details, here is my dilemma:
I feel that my environment will not help me grow (living in my parents house) because they do not understand fastlane.
- my dad watches tv 4+ hours a day but wants to give me business advice (even though he doesn't have one)
- my mom is constatly worrying over me (due to some health issues), but at this point its paranoia and it really really sucks because it doesn't help either one of us
- my sister (given she has ADD) is doing her PHD, but always takes the easy and convenient road for everything. Constantly buys clothes she doesn't need, goes out drinking, watches movies all the time etc etc.
Now, my huge dilemma is that my parents have given me nothing but love, shelter and food (and also helped with paying for my finance degree). My parents and my sister both love me and I do them, but there is a huge disconnect in thinking.
This dilemma causes me problems, and I have seriously been looking to move but one thing I don't want to do is leave my problems behind. I need to resolve this matter before I can move out, because otherwise I am just running from it.
I want to accept them for who they are, but it's tough because some of their choices seem so catastrophic to me and I feel are a bad example for me to witness.
So I would like to know how you guys have dealt with this fate, because as it stands, I am conflicted with:
- To make it in the fastlane, this is something you will have to climb over and face (as a result loosing face within your family) ... but perhaps regaining it when they finally understand? Although it won't be the same I assume?
- Try grinding it out, but if the other people don't want to change, then it seems stupid to try and change them because A) It's their choice and I shouldn't impose my will and B) It will drain me and leave little room for other areas in life... of course I could be wrong but I would like to listen to those of you who have gone through this
Thanks a lot in advance
I suspect that most people from this forum have gone through this sort of situation before, so I wish to lay out what happened and see if anyone can share their own experience with me.
My sister came to visit me and the family for 2 weeks.
I have had a lot of built up emotions from my parent's not really showing me support and thus I became distant from them and they from me. (note: this is from being scared)
Almost every comment out of their mouth, as MJ would say "get my blood boiling" and it would keep building up and up. Now on top of that in came my sister. She recently discovered that she has ADD and is taking ritalin as the treatment. So naturally she has been extatic and keeps telling everyone how much it has helped her.
She is also very defensive about the topic, so anything I try to say on the topic becomes escalated and so I stayed away from it. (The main conflict here is that I see taking pills as an event instead of doing everything else first and seeing the results)
Alright, with that background information given, tonight my dad made a comment about a study that was shown about marijuana "what is this stupididity, the news always shows something stupid like this"
to which I responded " sooo, what exactly is stupid about it?"
he responded with " they always show these pointless studies, that don't matter at all"
me: " what's pointless about it?"
not to go any further but he basically hates the American media due to numerous reasons(all emotionally attached), but I just kept calling him out on it as he had no proof. (I would like to state that ironically, I agreed with him, but my reason came from the fact that most of these studies don't look at the person as a whole, but rather just the one factor)
But then I just flipped, as he raised his voice and I finally took a stand and started swearing as well (not that I too proud of that, but it was built up).
So after some exchanges I went to my room too cool of and they sat in the living room discussing what had just happened. (note, I NEVER ever do this. But it was built up and I kind of knew it was going to happen one day-my fault for not acting on this sooner)
After a while my sister came to talk to me and it was a tough conversation with lots of problems coming out.
Without giving too many details, here is my dilemma:
I feel that my environment will not help me grow (living in my parents house) because they do not understand fastlane.
- my dad watches tv 4+ hours a day but wants to give me business advice (even though he doesn't have one)
- my mom is constatly worrying over me (due to some health issues), but at this point its paranoia and it really really sucks because it doesn't help either one of us
- my sister (given she has ADD) is doing her PHD, but always takes the easy and convenient road for everything. Constantly buys clothes she doesn't need, goes out drinking, watches movies all the time etc etc.
Now, my huge dilemma is that my parents have given me nothing but love, shelter and food (and also helped with paying for my finance degree). My parents and my sister both love me and I do them, but there is a huge disconnect in thinking.
This dilemma causes me problems, and I have seriously been looking to move but one thing I don't want to do is leave my problems behind. I need to resolve this matter before I can move out, because otherwise I am just running from it.
I want to accept them for who they are, but it's tough because some of their choices seem so catastrophic to me and I feel are a bad example for me to witness.
So I would like to know how you guys have dealt with this fate, because as it stands, I am conflicted with:
- To make it in the fastlane, this is something you will have to climb over and face (as a result loosing face within your family) ... but perhaps regaining it when they finally understand? Although it won't be the same I assume?
- Try grinding it out, but if the other people don't want to change, then it seems stupid to try and change them because A) It's their choice and I shouldn't impose my will and B) It will drain me and leave little room for other areas in life... of course I could be wrong but I would like to listen to those of you who have gone through this
Thanks a lot in advance
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