Being in a relationship with a slowlaner...

[Unfettered]

Behind every successful man is a woman because women are drawn to men who they think will be, or are successful.

 

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[H. Palmer]

I don't care what you think.

 

[H. Palmer]

I was a published biologist in a former life. I published peer-reviewed papers. I worked at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural history. You're wrong. This conclusion comes from the realm of "evolutionary psychology." It is a pseudoscience, like acupuncture or chiropractors or dousing rods. That means that, although lots of people believe in it, none of its claims can be substantiated by research despite attempts to do so, AKA it's a placebo and its direct "benefits" (here meaning the explanatory power it seems to have) are 100% psychosomatic, i.e., fake.

Then you haven't been out much.

You are just quoting the creed that is a product of politically correct vested interest science that has nothing to do with reality.

Scientific validity similar to Medieval priesthood.

 

[Unfettered]

Then you haven't been out much.

You are just quoting the creed that is a product of politically correct vested interest science that has nothing to do with reality.

Scientific validity similar to Medieval priesthood.

I can't understand how scientists bash evo-bio/psych so bad because they can't measure it, when all they have to do is look around in real life. Isn't an observation one of the principal methods of scientific research?
Or is it just their ego that can't handle it, or the paycheck they'll lose when a billionaire fast laner decides to pull their funding when they'll publish something currently politically incorrect(read:unprofitable for the fast laner)

 

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[Digamma]

I can't understand how scientists bash evo-bio/psych so bad because they can't measure it, when all they have to do is look around in real life. Isn't an observation one of the principal methods of scientific research?
Or is it just their ego that can't handle it, or the paycheck they'll lose when a billionaire fast laner decides to pull their funding when they'll publish something currently politically incorrect(read:unprofitable for the fast laner)

They insist on applying to social sciences the same method applied to hard sciences, even when it's not possible. Of course, this is selective, because following this stupid line of reasoning evolution is just pseudo-science too.
Not that I just agree with the EP crowd. It's just that I hate stupid epistemological fallacies from people who should know better.

 

[RHL]

Isn't an observation one of the principal methods of scientific research?

Because we've leaned on pure """""observation"""""" in the past and gotten burned, very badly. We've learned that our senses are useful, but often untrustworthy. For an example of why we need both observational hunches (which is all unqualified observation is) and actual data, take a look at what Charles Darwin, unquestionably one of the 50 or so smartest humans who has ever, ever lived, "observed" about the citizens of the UK:

"The careless, squalid, unaspiring Irishman multiplies like rabbits: the frugal, foreseeing, self-respecting, ambitious Scot, stern in his morality, spiritual in his faith, sagacious and disciplined in his intelligence, passes his best years in struggle and in celibacy, marries late, and leaves few behind him. Given a land originally peopled by a thousand Saxons and a thousand Celts—and in a dozen generations five-sixths of the population would be Celts, but five- sixths of the property, of the power, of the intellect, would belong to the one-sixth of Saxons that remained. In the eternal 'struggle for existence,' it would be the inferior and LESS favoured race that had prevailed—and prevailed by virtue not of its good qualities but of its faults."-Descent of Man and Selection According to Sex

To him, it was "just observation" or "just common sense" that Irish people were running some kind of degraded Idiocracy-eque scenario in their country, while the Scottish were like some kind of goddamn European master race (he goes on at length about how they kick a$$ at pretty much everything and would rule the world if they had more kids). If you don't believe that I, as a person of Scottish descent, will typically be able to outhink, outplan, and outwork you by the sole virtue of the fact of my cultural ancestry, then you've just learned why trusting our senses alone is not a good thing.

It's also extremely unkind to use my criticism of evopsych to say "look at him dismissing the social sciences." Don't degrade anthropology or political science by lumping it in with evopsych. there's a huge difference between "We've got all the data we can, but we're dealing with people who've lived long lives so obviously many thousands of things can't be controlled" and "we've got no data at all but socially we were inclined to think this way."

 

[Unfettered]

Because we've leaned on pure """""observation"""""" in the past and gotten burned, very badly. We've learned that our senses are useful, but often untrustworthy. For an example of why we need both observational hunches (which is all unqualified observation is) and actual data, take a look at what Charles Darwin, unquestionably one of the 50 or so smartest humans who has ever, ever lived, "observed" about the citizens of the UK:

"The careless, squalid, unaspiring Irishman multiplies like rabbits: the frugal, foreseeing, self-respecting, ambitious Scot, stern in his morality, spiritual in his faith, sagacious and disciplined in his intelligence, passes his best years in struggle and in celibacy, marries late, and leaves few behind him. Given a land originally peopled by a thousand Saxons and a thousand Celts—and in a dozen generations five-sixths of the population would be Celts, but five- sixths of the property, of the power, of the intellect, would belong to the one-sixth of Saxons that remained. In the eternal 'struggle for existence,' it would be the inferior and LESS favoured race that had prevailed—and prevailed by virtue not of its good qualities but of its faults."-Descent of Man and Selection According to Sex

To him, it was "just observation" or "just common sense" that Irish people were running some kind of degraded Idiocracy-eque scenario in their country, while the Scottish were like some kind of goddamn European master race (he goes on at length about how they kick a$$ at pretty much everything and would rule the world if they had more kids). If you don't believe that I, as a person of Scottish descent, will typically be able to outhink, outplan, and outwork you by the sole virtue of the fact of my cultural ancestry, then you've just learned why trusting our senses alone is not a good thing.

It's also extremely unkind to use my criticism of evopsych to say "look at him dismissing the social sciences." Don't degrade anthropology or political science by lumping it in with evopsych. there's a huge difference between "We've got all the data we can, but we're dealing with people who've lived long lives so obviously many thousands of things can't be controlled" and "we've got no data at all but socially we were inclined to think this way."

What?

 

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[Martinv678]

It's funny I started this thread ages ago and didn't think it would ever get many replies. When I started this thread the relationship was a weird point where you are kind of getting to know what each others thresholds for risk are and getting to know everything about that person. I remember getting replies of "end it" and "it's not worth it" but knew this was something different and went with what was true with me.

Since the slowlane mentality is starting to lift from her and I haven't really pushed. I took from the thread that we are different people on different paths and that was okay as long as what ever decision she or I make we are there for each other, this has enabled us to grow closer. She has supported me through everything i've done, even if she believes she wouldn't have done the same and I would always do the same for her. I remember reading somewhere "behind every great man is a great woman" and since believe this to be true. As men I don't feel we have the emotion side needed to understand some things in the world. This is why men find it hard to understand women and why women in business are sometimes generally better.

Since being in this relationship I have learnt more about myself and my ventures than I would have done if I was by myself. I believe when you are single you rely on your internal voice a lot to tell you whether something is right or wrong and, as you don't like being wrong, you are usually right. Being close with someone has enabled me to bounce ideas of someone and has that voice which remains impartial and wants whats best for me (saving you from wasting your time).

I would say do not dismiss a relationships unless you are early twenties or teens because this time you should be utilising the time of free rent and creating your fast lane business quicker. But, in this experience, this relationship will move me close to my targets and aspirations quicker because I have the support I needed.

Thank you for all the replies.

 

[Carrots]

What?

Science at it's core was invented to eliminate what you think science is. This is why you should have learned the scientific method in middle school.

 

[RHL]

What?

The selection from Descent shows why you can't lean on personal observation or what you feel are "self evident" facts in making an analysis. Because the same metric led a person much smarter than you or me, Charles Darwin, to be a racist, and it's led many breathtakingly brilliant theologians, politicians, scientists and artists to make similar mistakes in the past.

The most egregious part about proposing that "women prefer taller, older, smarter, more successful men... it's just biology" Is that it's a view that is decidedly Shaped by Occidental culture, and probably more specifically American and UK culture. There are 7 billion people on the planet. Less than half of them are Europeans. If you went to someone on the steppes of Mongolia, or the jungles of Ecuador, or the beaches of Indonesia, do you think they'd agree that they want a young short, less intelligent woman? I've traveled enough to be unsure.

Anyway, we've gone very far afield from where we started. You can PM me if you're still not sure why evolutionary psychology is on very unsure footing.

 

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[mars]

ate lunchable pizzas for dinner and hated kids...

This alone would have been the point I knew I was with the wrong person. She didn't like kids, because they would have taken all her lunchables. Ha!

@Vigilante @ΕΝΔΕΚΑ I think we need to hear from you both about picking a good mate. It's easy to hear from people in the forum that are just in relationships/dating, but it's a completely different ball game when we are talking about marriage. It has always seemed that relationships are one of the hardest aspects of being a entrepreneur. You have to deal with providing time to both, hoping the person you are with today is the right person down the line, since this is a marathon race full of uncertainties.

If your goal is to have a successful marriage, have great kids and grow a profitable business. It's best to listen to people that are doing just that.

 

[Vigilante]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today. Someone else will have to come along that got married later in life.

I can tell you about my wife, though. My son would be wise to look for a woman like she is.

• She's an independent thinker, yet constantly puts other people's needs in front of hers
• She's smarter than most people, but doesn't wear it on her sleeve
• She believes in me. The single most important factor towards our mutual success. It's been a bumpy road, but she never got cold feet.
• We got married for life. There never was an alternative either of us would consider.
• She loves the finer things in life, and she knows what produces them (and it's not a 9-5 job)
• She's a fantastic Mom
• My daughter said the other day that my daughter hopes to gain the skill my wife has of not saying what doesn't need to be said
• She believes people are usually always just trying to do the best they can based on what they know. She always defaults towards giving people the benefit of the doubt
• She's never given me a reason to look elsewhere for sex.
• She gets more beautiful when she ages, and she looks way younger than we are
• She doesn't cry much - not super emotional
• She can drink half of you under the table
• She's a great cook, and always learning
• Her mother is the kindest person I have ever met. That's important. That's a good predictor.
• There's never been one single time where she has kicked me when I was down, even in situations where I might have deserved it
• We like the same things
• We like the same people
• We like the same geography
• She is one of the smartest business minds I have ever come across, although she would laugh if you told her that
• She has never said NO to any of my dreams, even the wild ones
• She does however give me reality checks on HOW to get there
• She wants more money
• She wants more freedom
• She wants her kids to exceed us
• She wants more wine
• She's resilliant
• She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

I fell in love initially with her looks (I am sure.., like any guy.) I then fell in love with her character. The more I fell in love with her character, the prettier she became. And that I think is the key to why she is aging well. She's pretty inside, which makes her pretty outside. She looks younger today than she did a few years ago, because she's in even better shape. She still gets carded. She is my midlife muse. My midlife crisis. Some people go find themselves a younger model. I don't need to. She's everything you would want, at any age.

So... that's what I would look for.

 

[Vigilante]

Edited to add : here's my original post on this subject from some time ago:

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/one-reason-i-love-my-wife.44868/

 

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[Ninjakid]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today. Someone else will have to come along that got married later in life.

I can tell you about my wife, though. My son would be wise to look for a woman like she is.

• She's an independent thinker, yet constantly puts other people's needs in front of hers
• She's smarter than most people, but doesn't wear it on her sleeve
• She believes in me. The single most important factor towards our mutual success. It's been a bumpy road, but she never got cold feet.
• We got married for life. There never was an alternative either of us would consider.
• She loves the finer things in life, and she knows what produces them (and it's not a 9-5 job)
• She's a fantastic Mom
• My daughter said the other day that my daughter hopes to gain the skill my wife has of not saying what doesn't need to be said
• She believes people are usually always just trying to do the best they can based on what they know. She always defaults towards giving people the benefit of the doubt
• She's never given me a reason to look elsewhere for sex.
• She gets more beautiful when she ages, and she looks way younger than we are
• She doesn't cry much - not super emotional
• She can drink half of you under the table
• She's a great cook, and always learning
• Her mother is the kindest person I have ever met. That's important. That's a good predictor.
• There's never been one single time where she has kicked me when I was down, even in situations where I might have deserved it
• We like the same things
• We like the same people
• We like the same geography
• She is one of the smartest business minds I have ever come across, although she would laugh if you told her that
• She has never said NO to any of my dreams, even the wild ones
• She does however give me reality checks on HOW to get there
• She wants more money
• She wants more freedom
• She wants her kids to exceed us
• She wants more wine
• She's resilliant
• She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

I fell in love initially with her looks (I am sure.., like any guy.) I then fell in love with her character. The more I fell in love with her character, the prettier she became. And that I think is the key to why she is aging well. She's pretty inside, which makes her pretty outside. She looks younger today than she did a few years ago, because she's in even better shape. She still gets carded. She is my midlife muse. My midlife crisis. Some people go find themselves a younger model. I don't need to. She's everything you would want, at any age.

So... that's what I would look for.

This is excellent. I'm really happy for you.

 

[Mr.B]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today. Someone else will have to come along that got married later in life.

I can tell you about my wife, though. My son would be wise to look for a woman like she is.

• She's an independent thinker, yet constantly puts other people's needs in front of hers
• She's smarter than most people, but doesn't wear it on her sleeve
• She believes in me. The single most important factor towards our mutual success. It's been a bumpy road, but she never got cold feet.
• We got married for life. There never was an alternative either of us would consider.
• She loves the finer things in life, and she knows what produces them (and it's not a 9-5 job)
• She's a fantastic Mom
• My daughter said the other day that my daughter hopes to gain the skill my wife has of not saying what doesn't need to be said
• She believes people are usually always just trying to do the best they can based on what they know. She always defaults towards giving people the benefit of the doubt
• She's never given me a reason to look elsewhere for sex.
• She gets more beautiful when she ages, and she looks way younger than we are
• She doesn't cry much - not super emotional
• She can drink half of you under the table
• She's a great cook, and always learning
• Her mother is the kindest person I have ever met. That's important. That's a good predictor.
• There's never been one single time where she has kicked me when I was down, even in situations where I might have deserved it
• We like the same things
• We like the same people
• We like the same geography
• She is one of the smartest business minds I have ever come across, although she would laugh if you told her that
• She has never said NO to any of my dreams, even the wild ones
• She does however give me reality checks on HOW to get there
• She wants more money
• She wants more freedom
• She wants her kids to exceed us
• She wants more wine
• She's resilliant
• She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

I fell in love initially with her looks (I am sure.., like any guy.) I then fell in love with her character. The more I fell in love with her character, the prettier she became. And that I think is the key to why she is aging well. She's pretty inside, which makes her pretty outside. She looks younger today than she did a few years ago, because she's in even better shape. She still gets carded. She is my midlife muse. My midlife crisis. Some people go find themselves a younger model. I don't need to. She's everything you would want, at any age.

So... that's what I would look for.

Beautiful.

I hope to one day to find someone like this.

Thanks for sharing @Vigilante

 

[FeaRxUnLeAsHeD]

The title of this thread.. the second biggest fear of my life. First biggest fear is having not made a large scale impact on the world... the third biggest fear being death.

 

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[FeaRxUnLeAsHeD]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today. Someone else will have to come along that got married later in life.

I can tell you about my wife, though. My son would be wise to look for a woman like she is.

• She's an independent thinker, yet constantly puts other people's needs in front of hers
• She's smarter than most people, but doesn't wear it on her sleeve
• She believes in me. The single most important factor towards our mutual success. It's been a bumpy road, but she never got cold feet.
• We got married for life. There never was an alternative either of us would consider.
• She loves the finer things in life, and she knows what produces them (and it's not a 9-5 job)
• She's a fantastic Mom
• My daughter said the other day that my daughter hopes to gain the skill my wife has of not saying what doesn't need to be said
• She believes people are usually always just trying to do the best they can based on what they know. She always defaults towards giving people the benefit of the doubt
• She's never given me a reason to look elsewhere for sex.
• She gets more beautiful when she ages, and she looks way younger than we are
• She doesn't cry much - not super emotional
• She can drink half of you under the table
• She's a great cook, and always learning
• Her mother is the kindest person I have ever met. That's important. That's a good predictor.
• There's never been one single time where she has kicked me when I was down, even in situations where I might have deserved it
• We like the same things
• We like the same people
• We like the same geography
• She is one of the smartest business minds I have ever come across, although she would laugh if you told her that
• She has never said NO to any of my dreams, even the wild ones
• She does however give me reality checks on HOW to get there
• She wants more money
• She wants more freedom
• She wants her kids to exceed us
• She wants more wine
• She's resilliant
• She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

I fell in love initially with her looks (I am sure.., like any guy.) I then fell in love with her character. The more I fell in love with her character, the prettier she became. And that I think is the key to why she is aging well. She's pretty inside, which makes her pretty outside. She looks younger today than she did a few years ago, because she's in even better shape. She still gets carded. She is my midlife muse. My midlife crisis. Some people go find themselves a younger model. I don't need to. She's everything you would want, at any age.

So... that's what I would look for.

It's like a fairy-tale. Let that be the case for the rest of us on here... and it probably only gets harder if you become super-successful before meeting your soul mate. Then you have to protect your assets and your net-worth from gold diggers.. just makes it harder to find "the one" once you have $$$ and freedom

 

[Bila]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today. Someone else will have to come along that got married later in life.

I can tell you about my wife, though. My son would be wise to look for a woman like she is.

• She's an independent thinker, yet constantly puts other people's needs in front of hers
• She's smarter than most people, but doesn't wear it on her sleeve
• She believes in me. The single most important factor towards our mutual success. It's been a bumpy road, but she never got cold feet.
• We got married for life. There never was an alternative either of us would consider.
• She loves the finer things in life, and she knows what produces them (and it's not a 9-5 job)
• She's a fantastic Mom
• My daughter said the other day that my daughter hopes to gain the skill my wife has of not saying what doesn't need to be said
• She believes people are usually always just trying to do the best they can based on what they know. She always defaults towards giving people the benefit of the doubt
• She's never given me a reason to look elsewhere for sex.
• She gets more beautiful when she ages, and she looks way younger than we are
• She doesn't cry much - not super emotional
• She can drink half of you under the table
• She's a great cook, and always learning
• Her mother is the kindest person I have ever met. That's important. That's a good predictor.
• There's never been one single time where she has kicked me when I was down, even in situations where I might have deserved it
• We like the same things
• We like the same people
• We like the same geography
• She is one of the smartest business minds I have ever come across, although she would laugh if you told her that
• She has never said NO to any of my dreams, even the wild ones
• She does however give me reality checks on HOW to get there
• She wants more money
• She wants more freedom
• She wants her kids to exceed us
• She wants more wine
• She's resilliant
• She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

I fell in love initially with her looks (I am sure.., like any guy.) I then fell in love with her character. The more I fell in love with her character, the prettier she became. And that I think is the key to why she is aging well. She's pretty inside, which makes her pretty outside. She looks younger today than she did a few years ago, because she's in even better shape. She still gets carded. She is my midlife muse. My midlife crisis. Some people go find themselves a younger model. I don't need to. She's everything you would want, at any age.

So... that's what I would look for.

Beautiful.....

 

[LibertyForMe]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today.

Same! The good ones go fast. There are still good ones out there, I am sure, they would just be harder to find. Just don't look in the same places that you would find a normal girl... haha.

 

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[mars]

@Vigilante you sir are one luck guy. Thank you for sharing that.

 

[Kak]

She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

Bull... Lunchables are a staple of the vigilante household.

Great post man... I sent you $1000 forum cash.

 

[DeletedUser394]

I spent 6 years with a liberal, atheist, uninformed, party girl, that had no ambition or passport, ate lunchable pizzas for dinner and hated kids...

Out of all these things, the first one pisses me off the most lol.

Hate kids? Great. No religion? Super. Uninformed? Not a problem. Party girl? Not my thing, but I can manage. No passport? I usually travel solo anyway. Lunchables? I've had my share.

That first thing is so evil, I dare not speak its name.

 

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[DeletedUser394]

Great post man... I sent you $1000 forum cash.

Did that once, then they changed the rules.

Did you just click reload 10 times?

 

[Kak]

Did that once, then they changed the rules.

Did you just click reload 10 times?

Im allowed to spend whatever I want. Perks of a high value account.

 

[Luffy]

I can't tell you, because I got lucky. I married my high school sweetheart, and she grew into the woman she is today. Someone else will have to come along that got married later in life.

I can tell you about my wife, though. My son would be wise to look for a woman like she is.

• She's an independent thinker, yet constantly puts other people's needs in front of hers
• She's smarter than most people, but doesn't wear it on her sleeve
• She believes in me. The single most important factor towards our mutual success. It's been a bumpy road, but she never got cold feet.
• We got married for life. There never was an alternative either of us would consider.
• She loves the finer things in life, and she knows what produces them (and it's not a 9-5 job)
• She's a fantastic Mom
• My daughter said the other day that my daughter hopes to gain the skill my wife has of not saying what doesn't need to be said
• She believes people are usually always just trying to do the best they can based on what they know. She always defaults towards giving people the benefit of the doubt
• She's never given me a reason to look elsewhere for sex.
• She gets more beautiful when she ages, and she looks way younger than we are
• She doesn't cry much - not super emotional
• She can drink half of you under the table
• She's a great cook, and always learning
• Her mother is the kindest person I have ever met. That's important. That's a good predictor.
• There's never been one single time where she has kicked me when I was down, even in situations where I might have deserved it
• We like the same things
• We like the same people
• We like the same geography
• She is one of the smartest business minds I have ever come across, although she would laugh if you told her that
• She has never said NO to any of my dreams, even the wild ones
• She does however give me reality checks on HOW to get there
• She wants more money
• She wants more freedom
• She wants her kids to exceed us
• She wants more wine
• She's resilliant
• She doesn't eat Lunchable pizza (ever!)

I fell in love initially with her looks (I am sure.., like any guy.) I then fell in love with her character. The more I fell in love with her character, the prettier she became. And that I think is the key to why she is aging well. She's pretty inside, which makes her pretty outside. She looks younger today than she did a few years ago, because she's in even better shape. She still gets carded. She is my midlife muse. My midlife crisis. Some people go find themselves a younger model. I don't need to. She's everything you would want, at any age.

So... that's what I would look for.

I'll be carrying this list with me when I look for a wife. Be careful I don't snatch yours lol, how long have you been married?

 

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[Vigilante]

Married 23 years. Not worried.

 

[Luffy]

Married 23 years. Not worried.

I'd call that a successful marriage, tell me more.

 

[Vigilante]

It's not easy. It is worth it.

The dangers lay in the little daily decisions.

Marriages don't crumble in a day.

 

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[Luffy]

It's not easy. It is worth it.

The dangers lay in the little daily decisions.

Marriages don't crumble in a day.

Damn, for real? What kind of decisions are these dangers?

 

[Vigilante]

It's in the little things. Everyone has issues. How do you perceive things? Do you let the scale of things that bug the shit out of you outweigh the good? Do you harbor bad feelings, and then let those be the lens through which you view the other person?

What if you were able to love the person for who they were vs. who you wanted them to be?

People never crumble in a day. It's the creschendo of a series of choices.