How does one not feel empty?

[JaaYu]

I don't know if I'm just lazy or what.

But I seem to go in this circle where for months, I'm extremely motivated and dedicated and put in the work for my goals, and life feels amazing.

Then, out of nowhere, it completely dies. Everything feels like a chore and life feels very empty. Kinda like I'm just alive, not really living. And I go back to feeling dedicated months later and the cycle just repeats.

I don't know if I just lack discipline or purpose or what, but I hear people talk about purpose like MJ where purpose is what gets you going even when times are tough.

But I just don't get it. I tried caring about something "bigger than myself" or various other purposes. And I did care, but my care always ends.

I have a YouTube channel and I had hundreds of comments talking about how my videos helped them. And it feels great to hear that feedback, but man that good feeling goes away QUICK.

Maybe I just never actually cared but how does one even find a "greater than yourself" purpose like that and genuinely care about it.

Maybe you also don't need a purpose like that cause a lot of fulfilled, successful people seem to simply follow their goals and live by their chosen values, and they don't feel empty I think.

I mean I at least know what I don't want out of life. Like no one wants to be broke, not be able to provide for their family, be addicted to social media, have zero self control, etc.

So I have goals to NOT be those things in life, but I don't really know what I want to be in life. Its like I'm running instead of chasing. Which may lead to success, but I feel like I'll still feel empty after achieving everything I want to achieve.

I don't know if your supposed to feel this way in the journey of self improvement, but I feel like I shouldn't be feeling empty like this.

At the end of the day, I don't know. But I'm also 18 so I don't have that life experience. Maybe I just need to stop overthinking it and just "grind" like everyone says lol.

What do you guys think?

 

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[Oso]

Your thread contains a lot of assumptions and comparisons of others. Eliminate this immediately. You don't know anything about these people. Stop assuming you do. It is up to us as individuals to figure out our own priorities, values, morals, etc.

"I know what I DON'T want to be." That's not even 50% of the equation. That's not even 5% of it. It's easy to say, "I don't want to be a crackhead" until you hit a "depressive episode" with the wrong crowd, and next thing you know... Crack. Obviously that's an extreme example, but you can apply it to nearly anything in life.

Personally speaking, I approach this logically. I don't believe human life has a purpose. I have to convince myself that every single action I take, every decision I make, etc. is relevant to me in the grand scheme of things. It is incredibly exhausting.

Your answer is simple, therefore your potential paths are simple. Self-awareness is singlehandedly the most important "personal skill" one can possess.

The next time you experience your motivation die, you need to sit there and ask yourself why it's happening.

1) Upon analyzation, if you believe you genuinely are suffering from a mental health illness, then seek help. Your mental health is the largest determining factor in regards to success. It could be "depression," or it could be something worse (in my case, I have a personality disorder).

2) Upon analyzation, if you believe the reasoning behind your struggles is more akin to "waahh, I'm scared and entrepreneurship is hard," then yes, that's when you "work through it."

Either way, you need to have the self-awareness to ask these questions, and then you need to have the ability to answer yourself honestly. While you are still young and "lack life experience," you don't have to be 30+ to understand what you like/dislike, and what you want/don't want.

After all, this shit will change throughout your entire life regardless, so try to stop tunnel visioning on singular moments in time.

Cheers.

 

[heavy_industry]

I'm extremely motivated and dedicated and put in the work for my goals, and life feels amazing.

Then, out of nowhere, it completely dies.

You haven't learned how to control your dopamine reward system yet, which is not surprising at all for an 18-year-old. I used to be a complete disaster in my early and mid-20s.

Motivation is not something that happens to you, it's something that you do to yourself. It's the game you play with your mind.

My advice would be to:

• stop overthinking
• pick up a sport and train to exhaustion
• choose an area of study and master it
• define a mission and accomplish it

Overthinking at this stage is completely useless. You don't know anything at 18. And you will not get any answers by thinking - you don't have enough data yet.

Start walking, and eventually, you will find a path.

Stop chasing meaning, purpose, or happiness.

Instead, pursue difficulty - and meaning, purpose, and happiness will come.

 

[Subsonic]

I don't know if I'm just lazy or what.

But I seem to go in this circle where for months, I'm extremely motivated and dedicated and put in the work for my goals, and life feels amazing.

Then, out of nowhere, it completely dies. Everything feels like a chore and life feels very empty. Kinda like I'm just alive, not really living. And I go back to feeling dedicated months later and the cycle just repeats.

I don't know if I just lack discipline or purpose or what, but I hear people talk about purpose like MJ where purpose is what gets you going even when times are tough.

But I just don't get it. I tried caring about something "bigger than myself" or various other purposes. And I did care, but my care always ends.

I have a YouTube channel and I had hundreds of comments talking about how my videos helped them. And it feels great to hear that feedback, but man that good feeling goes away QUICK.

Maybe I just never actually cared but how does one even find a "greater than yourself" purpose like that and genuinely care about it.

Maybe you also don't need a purpose like that cause a lot of fulfilled, successful people seem to simply follow their goals and live by their chosen values, and they don't feel empty I think.

I mean I at least know what I don't want out of life. Like no one wants to be broke, not be able to provide for their family, be addicted to social media, have zero self control, etc.

So I have goals to NOT be those things in life, but I don't really know what I want to be in life. Its like I'm running instead of chasing. Which may lead to success, but I feel like I'll still feel empty after achieving everything I want to achieve.

I don't know if your supposed to feel this way in the journey of self improvement, but I feel like I shouldn't be feeling empty like this.

At the end of the day, I don't know. But I'm also 18 so I don't have that life experience. Maybe I just need to stop overthinking it and just "grind" like everyone says lol.

What do you guys think?

If you feel this way then there are a few things to do.
1. Quit social media, including YouTube cold turkey aside from posting maybe.
2. Find 30 Minutes a day to be outside in nature.
3. Realize that nothing you achieve will change the way you feel. It's all about what you do day to day.
4. Yes, and ?
That should be your default response to all the negative thoughts you have.
"I don't know what I want" Yes, and ?
You give objective facts and subjective meaning they don't need to have. In another universe you could celebrate not knowing what you want to do because it leaves you open to do anything.
5. You sound like someone who consumes self improvement content. Therefore I have one more thing for you.
Sex is, unlike what other people, society and Hamza say, not the most important thing in life or the height of human existence. Deep down chances are, you want to do all this for a "high quality wife". That's great but it's pointless to have that as your end goal.


I made a lot of assumptions and if one or more are incorrect I apologize. Either way hopefully there was something helpful for you in there.

 

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[perchboy]

@Johnny boy probably has some good advice

 

[Vntonio]

Your thread contains a lot of assumptions and comparisons of others. Eliminate this immediately. You don't know anything about these people. Stop assuming you do. It is up to us as individuals to figure out our own priorities, values, morals, etc.

"I know what I DON'T want to be." That's not even 50% of the equation. That's not even 5% of it. It's easy to say, "I don't want to be a crackhead" until you hit a "depressive episode" with the wrong crowd, and next thing you know... Crack. Obviously that's an extreme example, but you can apply it to nearly anything in life.

Personally speaking, I approach this logically. I don't believe human life has a purpose. I have to convince myself that every single action I take, every decision I make, etc. is relevant to me in the grand scheme of things. It is incredibly exhausting.

Your answer is simple, therefore your potential paths are simple. Self-awareness is singlehandedly the most important "personal skill" one can possess.

The next time you experience your motivation die, you need to sit there and ask yourself why it's happening.

1) Upon analyzation, if you believe you genuinely are suffering from a mental health illness, then seek help. Your mental health is the largest determining factor in regards to success. It could be "depression," or it could be something worse (in my case, I have a personality disorder).

2) Upon analyzation, if you believe the reasoning behind your struggles is more akin to "waahh, I'm scared and entrepreneurship is hard," then yes, that's when you "work through it."

Either way, you need to have the self-awareness to ask these questions, and then you need to have the ability to answer yourself honestly. While you are still young and "lack life experience," you don't have to be 30+ to understand what you like/dislike, and what you want/don't want.

After all, this shit will change throughout your entire life regardless, so try to stop tunnel visioning on singular moments in time.

Cheers.

That's why I'm on this forum. Thank you a lot for this!

 

[JaaYu]

Personally speaking, I approach this logically. I don't believe human life has a purpose. I have to convince myself that every single action I take, every decision I make, etc. is relevant to me in the grand scheme of things. It is incredibly exhausting.

Makes sense, I don't really think I need a purpose like that either to be honest. I just question how other people DO have a purpose like that. You are right that I gotta figure out my own values and stuff though and stop comparing myself.

You haven't learned how to control your dopamine reward system yet, which is not surprising at all for an 18-year-old. I used to be a complete disaster in my early and mid-20s.

Motivation is not something that happens to you, it's something that you do to yourself. It's the game you play with your mind.

My advice would be to:

• stop overthinking
• pick up a sport and train to exhaustion
• choose an area of study and master it
• define a mission and accomplish it

I think your spot on with this one not gonna lie. I have noticed that I never regret doing, and theres no time for overthinking when I'm doing. It just sucks to start, and it doesn't help that I naturally overthink everything. But I'll figure it out, I'm confident in that. Ima go on a run right now lmao.

3. Realize that nothing you achieve will change the way you feel. It's all about what you do day to day.

Makes sense, I probably just need to reset my dopamine system slowly but surely.

Good advice though from everyone thanks guys.

I think I just need to respond differently when I lose motivation cause I think I am scared of the work and entrepreneurship.

Its weird cause I know for certain I want to do it, but the work just genuinely sucks and I get very little dopamine doing it. Which is also why I'm gonna try to figure out my dopamine system to get dopamine from the stuff I want to get it from.

 

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[MTF]

Makes sense, I don't really think I need a purpose like that either to be honest. I just question how other people DO have a purpose like that. You are right that I gotta figure out my own values and stuff though and stop comparing myself.

The sad truth is that most likely you'll never feel this sense of purpose if you haven't felt it until now. Some people just have it, and some don't. A lot of it has to do with your worldview and philosophy.

If I know that everything I do is meaningless, I won't ever have a deep sense of purpose because I know that in the end it doesn't matter. But some people believe in one person's meaning, maybe in life after death or other stuff like that and then they're more driven this way.

I wouldn't seek purpose. I'd just seek something that is fun and makes you forget about the world for a while.

 

[Johnny boy]

Why do you need to feel like anything?

What are you, a 12 year old girl?

“Dear diary, today I felt so happy. It was a great day. Tyler noticed my nails today. Yayy”

You’re going up and down because you actually have low standards so when you hit the low end of your standards you lock in and get shit done and then you hit the upper limit where you back off the gas and relax and then coast down to the bottom again.

My advice to 18 year olds is to do all of the shit you know deep down you should do. Get in shape, work hard on your own business, and don’t spend time with losers. You’re probably around a LOT of losers. Everyone is at 18.

Build good habits. Stay clean in all ways. Always do things the right way the first time. Build that muscle in you and it will grow. Be the type of man who can take apart something, and put it back together better than it was.

Cut out the feelings shit and start asking "what is most effective?" and then perform those actions.

 

[JordanK]

Set baseline standards. An Entrepreneurial mindset is a lifelong commitment.

When you feel great, have good motivation and discipline then sprint (do extra work, more inspired tasks etc)

When you feel terrible and have no motivation fall back into your habits and baseline (small daily actions that move you forward and mitigate risk by not making bad choices)

As you become a better entrepreneur and get more experience your baseline level should be always rising.

 

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[Kevin88660]

I don't know if I'm just lazy or what.

But I seem to go in this circle where for months, I'm extremely motivated and dedicated and put in the work for my goals, and life feels amazing.

Then, out of nowhere, it completely dies. Everything feels like a chore and life feels very empty. Kinda like I'm just alive, not really living. And I go back to feeling dedicated months later and the cycle just repeats.

I don't know if I just lack discipline or purpose or what, but I hear people talk about purpose like MJ where purpose is what gets you going even when times are tough.

But I just don't get it. I tried caring about something "bigger than myself" or various other purposes. And I did care, but my care always ends.

I have a YouTube channel and I had hundreds of comments talking about how my videos helped them. And it feels great to hear that feedback, but man that good feeling goes away QUICK.

Maybe I just never actually cared but how does one even find a "greater than yourself" purpose like that and genuinely care about it.

Maybe you also don't need a purpose like that cause a lot of fulfilled, successful people seem to simply follow their goals and live by their chosen values, and they don't feel empty I think.

I mean I at least know what I don't want out of life. Like no one wants to be broke, not be able to provide for their family, be addicted to social media, have zero self control, etc.

So I have goals to NOT be those things in life, but I don't really know what I want to be in life. Its like I'm running instead of chasing. Which may lead to success, but I feel like I'll still feel empty after achieving everything I want to achieve.

I don't know if your supposed to feel this way in the journey of self improvement, but I feel like I shouldn't be feeling empty like this.

At the end of the day, I don't know. But I'm also 18 so I don't have that life experience. Maybe I just need to stop overthinking it and just "grind" like everyone says lol.

What do you guys think?

Knowing “what you want to be in life” is not the right approach in thinking.

If I throw you in a jungle to survive, you have to deal with the beast, hungrily search for food, worrying about your own sanitation and survival.

Life is a big problem solving contest for yourself in this reality live show where you faces life pressures with limited resources.

But I think most people are in denial until SHTF, when it comes jobs, money and health.

They gonna come to look for you one day even if you chose to ignore them for years.

It’s either you fix them early while you have the energy or they hunt you when you are most vulnerable.

Imagine 25 years later when you are in the corporate ladder middle management position, receiving the retrenchment letter, you still have mortgage loans to serve, kids expense to pay for. You have low energy and suboptimal health grabbing for blood pressure pills. You are by no means a “lazy person”.

Do you want to strike first now and wait for them to strike you years later?

 

[Afser]

Deep down chances are, you want to do all this for a "high quality wife".

Can you expand on this a bit more? First time hearing someone mentioning this directly.

Personally huge part of what I want to be is to provide for my family. But now that you say it, I just want a high quality wife tbh. I think this is a universal experience/longing for most men.

But I can feel how this is putting too much pressure/stress on me. A fresh point of view would do me good.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Perspective is power.

Imagine killing it one day in the NFL and then the next, you can't do a damn thing other than make eye movements.

https://www.axios.com/local/new-orleans/2024/04/18/steve-gleason-art-ai-als-diagnosis

You stop feeling empty when you open your tremendous gift and use it.

You feel empty because right now you are wasting that gift, likely on social media, or on some other dopamine addiction that plagues culture ... food, tv, gaming... I can go on and on...

Good luck!

 

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[AceVentures]

Then, out of nowhere, it completely dies. Everything feels like a chore and life feels very empty. Kinda like I'm just alive, not really living. And I go back to feeling dedicated months later and the cycle just repeats.

Start a family.

But I just don't get it. I tried caring about something "bigger than myself" or various other purposes. And I did care, but my care always ends.

You know what doesn't just end on a random day? A family.

Maybe I just never actually cared but how does one even find a "greater than yourself" purpose like that and genuinely care about it.

You know what's greater than yourself? Your kids. Start a family.

Maybe you also don't need a purpose like that cause a lot of fulfilled, successful people seem to simply follow their goals and live by their chosen values, and they don't feel empty I think.

"Successful" meaning what? And how do you know about the state of other people's fulfillment? I know countless rich losers who feel more empty than the guy who cuts my lawn.

He gets to work his a$$ off and go home to his wife and kids who love him to death.

No amount of money can buy that.

So I have goals to NOT be those things in life, but I don't really know what I want to be in life. Its like I'm running instead of chasing. Which may lead to success, but I feel like I'll still feel empty after achieving everything I want to achieve.

You want to hone in on what's really important? You want to cut out all the bullshit that's holding you back? Start a family.

Look into your kids eyes as they smile back at you and love you unconditionally. Then come tell me you feel empty and directionless.

At the end of the day, I don't know. But I'm also 18 so I don't have that life experience. Maybe I just need to stop overthinking it and just "grind" like everyone says lol.

Oh you're just a kid... Yea you're just overthinking it, not getting enough sleep, and probably jerking off too much.

You're directionless because your ambitions are short-sighted and you likely have a safety net which limits your ability to take real risk in life.

Quit fapping, get your sleep on track, get daily exercise, and get your a$$ to work.

Set your sight out 10-20-30 years into the future.

The family can wait another 5-10 years.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

1) Upon analyzation, if you believe you genuinely are suffering from a mental health illness, then seek help. Your mental health is the largest determining factor in regards to success. It could be "depression," or it could be something worse (in my case, I have a personality disorder).

I think all mental health issues apart from things like schizophrenia and psychosis (when you experience / see things that aren’t there) are bullshit.

And this is coming from someone who does suffer from what could be considered a personality disorder or worse — OCD.

I do believe my disorder is bullshit, and any remnants of it are just things I haven’t figured out how to control yet, but will in the future.

Imo depression is bullshit. It I waited to “feel like it” I’d never get out of bed. It’s so easy to be diagnosed for depression. And “mental health” professionals usually don’t know shit, you can’t count on them, unless of course you’re borderline suicidal, in which case sure popping a pill could give you a lifeline, but certainly not a cure.

I believe we need to be less effeminate and fight with our demons. And OP certainly needs to grow a pair, I’m 12 years his senior and still have no clue what I want from life, doesn’t stop me from building my business…

 

[RightyTighty]

I think all mental health issues apart from things like schizophrenia and psychosis (when you experience / see things that aren’t there) are bullshit

Clinical depression is a clinically proven chemical disorder of the brain. No opinions required - it’s a fact. And it ain’t fun.

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

Clinical depression is a clinically proven chemical disorder of the brain. No opinions required - it’s a fact. And it ain’t fun.

Bullshit explanation. Do the thoughtts cause the “chemical disorder” or does the chemical disorder cause the thoughts?

 

[AceVentures]

"Mental health problem" is a set of words we use to categorize difficulties that people experience. That the difficulty is "mental", as in it originates or pertains to the brain, is a naïve assumption given the organism's brain doesn't exist within a vacuum.

All "mental health" disorders are very vaguely and subjectively categorized using the DSM-5 diagnostic manual. And the idea that an issue is related to the brain as opposed to a difficulty that relates to the entirety of the organisms thoughts, actions and perception finds it's roots in the post-enlightenment period's atomization of the study of the self.

I will die on this hill.

Bring your scientific facts and I will obliterate them one by one.

 

[JaaYu]

You’re going up and down because you actually have low standards so when you hit the low end of your standards you lock in and get shit done and then you hit the upper limit where you back off the gas and relax and then coast down to the bottom again.

thats pretty real, you ain't wrong not gonna lie.

I think I figured my problem out though, I just gotta do and stop overthinking. @heavy_industry's post helped a lot.

A lot of yall seem to assume I'm like a complete loser, hanging out with losers, jerking off a lot, and all that stuff.

But I don't jerkoff, never drank, never done any drugs, don't really have much friends to be honest, workout 4-6 days a week for 3 years.

I don't think its out of lazyness cause I don't spend my days doing nothing and scrolling on social media, I'm actively working on a clothing brand I'm starting and go on runs cause its just a habit im used to.

I just have a bad habit of thinking negative thoughts, a lot of times bordering suicide that I think it just ruins my mood and everything.

But I know I can control my thoughts, so I'm gonna actively try to stop thinking like that. I know I don't have depression and don't need antidepressants or whatever. I just have to control my thoughts.

Either way, I get where its coming from though. It all boils down to "stop overthinking and being a bitch" and just do the work.

I agree with that, I highkey think I am just scared of the 12 hour work days and everything.

But yeah, the answer to all my problems is to just DO so thats what im gonna do instead of thinking so damn much.

Thanks for all the advice though everyone

 

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[Subsonic]

Can you expand on this a bit more? First time hearing someone mentioning this directly.

Personally huge part of what I want to be is to provide for my family. But now that you say it, I just want a high quality wife tbh. I think this is a universal experience/longing for most men.

But I can feel how this is putting too much pressure/stress on me. A fresh point of view would do me good.

Modern society and media (music, movies and social media) have conditioned us to believe that having sex with someone very attractive is the height of human experience. Therefore many people subconsciously obsess over this "high quality wife" because it can give them this "height" of human experience.

Signs that one is infected by this subconscious brainwashing are:
- Having every romantic fantasy ending in one's orgasm
- Viewing romantic experiences that don't lead to sex and by extension orgasm as "not worth it"
and most of all,
-Feeling one is failing at life is he is a virgin, single, bad in bed or dating an asexual or unattractive person.

Love and family are important and sex is nice BUT especially sex is not the core of human experience.
New progressive and liberal theory is that casual sex is what we all deserve and thereby the height of living experience.

In reality, it's really not.


The conclusion is not to become a celibate monk. The conclusion is to stop tying your self worth to your ability to archive orgasm with conventionally attractive people.
The only thing one should tie their self worth to is the things they can control.
E.g. the effort you put into things, how disciplined you are, how well you treat yourself and others...



But don't just take my word for this. Sit down and think how society has influenced your thoughts, goals and ambitions.
Think "If this is true, what does that mean for me?


A good way to start is to visialize what you would do if you knew the world was ending tomorrow.
Are you going to a hooker to loose your virginity or are you going for the best workout of your life outside in nature.
Do you look at porn or the beetles in the
fields ?


Another one is to think about truth or dare on a late night party.

Does your mind want to be invited to the closet room with a naughty dare and a hot cheerleader ? The issue is not wanting that, its playing the whole game simply because that (in your fantasy) might hapen and seeing it as failed if it didnt.
A mindset like this is bound to find disappointment.
I can play that game and go home happy if my highlight was daring a girl to race me to 50 pushups.

 

[Antifragile]

I don't know if I'm just lazy or what.

But I seem to go in this circle where for months, I'm extremely motivated and dedicated and put in the work for my goals, and life feels amazing.

Then, out of nowhere, it completely dies. Everything feels like a chore and life feels very empty. Kinda like I'm just alive, not really living. And I go back to feeling dedicated months later and the cycle just repeats.

I don't know if I just lack discipline or purpose or what, but I hear people talk about purpose like MJ where purpose is what gets you going even when times are tough.

But I just don't get it. I tried caring about something "bigger than myself" or various other purposes. And I did care, but my care always ends.

I have a YouTube channel and I had hundreds of comments talking about how my videos helped them. And it feels great to hear that feedback, but man that good feeling goes away QUICK.

Maybe I just never actually cared but how does one even find a "greater than yourself" purpose like that and genuinely care about it.

Maybe you also don't need a purpose like that cause a lot of fulfilled, successful people seem to simply follow their goals and live by their chosen values, and they don't feel empty I think.

I mean I at least know what I don't want out of life. Like no one wants to be broke, not be able to provide for their family, be addicted to social media, have zero self control, etc.

So I have goals to NOT be those things in life, but I don't really know what I want to be in life. Its like I'm running instead of chasing. Which may lead to success, but I feel like I'll still feel empty after achieving everything I want to achieve.

I don't know if your supposed to feel this way in the journey of self improvement, but I feel like I shouldn't be feeling empty like this.

At the end of the day, I don't know. But I'm also 18 so I don't have that life experience. Maybe I just need to stop overthinking it and just "grind" like everyone says lol.

What do you guys think?

Ignore people telling you how to feel - that advice is useless at best...

Want to get somewhere, make sure you choose carefully who you listen to. @MJ DeMarco nailed it with his reply yet it barely got any likes.

Perspective is power.

Imagine killing it one day in the NFL and then the next, you can't do a damn thing other than make eye movements.

https://www.axios.com/local/new-orleans/2024/04/18/steve-gleason-art-ai-als-diagnosis

You stop feeling empty when you open your tremendous gift and use it.

You feel empty because right now you are wasting that gift, likely on social media, or on some other dopamine addiction that plagues culture ... food, tv, gaming... I can go on and on...

Good luck!

I remember pondering something similar a while back and hence I wrote this thread:

GOLD! - ASSERTION - MINDSET - Tell us, who are you?

There is a scene in the movie ”Anger Management” where Dave is asked a simple question: “tell us, who are you?” As you can see it evolved quickly into a comical moment where Dave flipped out. Clearly it’s not a simple question! That question is the most important one for every one of us to...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

Key for you may be this:

Survival -> Status -> Freedom -> Purpose​

Also...

• Your thoughts may actually not be your own. Social conditioning can make us believe things that weren't our thoughts or beliefs in the first place. Examine your beliefs and reflect on their origin, then decide.
• Your habits are what drives your mood, and mood is a filter through which you experience life. Happiness is not some fantom state of joy, it is how your mood filters experiences of life.
• You don't even know what will make you happy. We act and make plans (like buying a Lambo) but those are a mere reflection of the best version of the past or now. We have no idea what other available outcomes are in the future. We can't picture things that do not yet exist. And since we can't predict the future outcome of our actions, we can only focus on now. Don't settle on the best version of the past, the future can be even better.
• Is fear a sign you are on the wrong path? No, quite the opposite. This hits close to home for all entrepreneurs. Fear tells you that you are on the right path because you are moving towards something you want and like. The sign for being on a bad path is indifference. Next time you are fearful, remember you are moving towards something you like.
• No emotion is permanent, your anger, happiness, joy - all of it. I hope you've developed enough awareness just by being alive to know that even worst things that happened, will pass. Remember this quote: "this too shall pass".

Good luck.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

Signs that one is infected by this subconscious brainwashing are:
- Having every romantic fantasy ending in one's orgasm
- Viewing romantic experiences that don't lead to sex and by extension orgasm as "not worth it"
and most of all,
-Feeling one is failing at life is he is a virgin, single, bad in bed or dating an asexual or unattractive person

When I was 16, I was really desperate to have sex. I imagined that if I just got my willy wet and died the next moment, I’d be in eternal bliss. Didn’t care about NOTHING else. And couldn’t see how I was wrong either. Some things you just got to experience…

Sex imo is one of them. I feared death so much before I first had sex. I thought if I died without sex, that would’ve been really terrible. So best to get it done young like a true stallion so you can avoid this fear and what your imagination does to you. From 14 to 17 I was sexually obsessed. Almost every thought was about sex.

 

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[lifemaker]

I don't know if I'm just lazy or what.

But I seem to go in this circle where for months, I'm extremely motivated and dedicated and put in the work for my goals, and life feels amazing.

Then, out of nowhere, it completely dies. Everything feels like a chore and life feels very empty. Kinda like I'm just alive, not really living. And I go back to feeling dedicated months later and the cycle just repeats.

I don't know if I just lack discipline or purpose or what, but I hear people talk about purpose like MJ where purpose is what gets you going even when times are tough.

But I just don't get it. I tried caring about something "bigger than myself" or various other purposes. And I did care, but my care always ends.

I have a YouTube channel and I had hundreds of comments talking about how my videos helped them. And it feels great to hear that feedback, but man that good feeling goes away QUICK.

Maybe I just never actually cared but how does one even find a "greater than yourself" purpose like that and genuinely care about it.

Maybe you also don't need a purpose like that cause a lot of fulfilled, successful people seem to simply follow their goals and live by their chosen values, and they don't feel empty I think.

I mean I at least know what I don't want out of life. Like no one wants to be broke, not be able to provide for their family, be addicted to social media, have zero self control, etc.

So I have goals to NOT be those things in life, but I don't really know what I want to be in life. Its like I'm running instead of chasing. Which may lead to success, but I feel like I'll still feel empty after achieving everything I want to achieve.

I don't know if your supposed to feel this way in the journey of self improvement, but I feel like I shouldn't be feeling empty like this.

At the end of the day, I don't know. But I'm also 18 so I don't have that life experience. Maybe I just need to stop overthinking it and just "grind" like everyone says lol.

What do you guys think?

If you by any chance would like to talk to somebody in 90% the same situation as you are in (but two years younger), send a dm, and we can talk, between the

do

sessions, of course)

 

[darkcyrus101]

Hey man. I find myself feelings this way alot. From what I read, we lack the self awareness to tell why is it we're feeling the way we feel.

We probably dont know who we are and why we are in this world.

The solution is to observe ourselves more and have more conversations with ourself.

The first person to understand and get to know is not anyone else, but yourself.

 

[dudetheguy]

It's simple: take care of yourself. What you're experiencing is burnout.

And before you think: "burnout? But I'm not working that hard, blah blah..."

Burnout is actually physical and mental, characterized by cynicism, loss of purpose, and lack of drive.

There are 6 burnout triggers, they are:

- Lack of control: you feel like you don't have control over your life, you're floating aimlessly

- Values conflict: you feel like what you are doing clashes with your values. This can be in your own endeavors or in your job.

- Insufficient reward: you're working your a$$ off, and not feeling like you're getting what you need to get from it to justify the effort.

- Work overload: simple enough, your biology is drained, your neurochemicals are shot, you need more recovery in your life

- Unfairness: Someone or something else is getting more rewards than you for the same or less work, life is unfair, wanting to change the way the world works because things aren't fair.

- Breakdown of Community: feeling like the people you're working with, your friends, family, etc no longer support you, or there is resentment or antagonism on your part or others'

And before someone says half of these are mindsets, yes you are right. Unfairness and insufficient reward can be changed by a mindset shift. That does NOT mean that they didn't trigger the burnout.

Isolate the trigger, then resolve it through assertiveness, pulling back, changing the way you look at something... Basically just focus on the biggest problem of these you see until it's gone, and you'll likely feel 1M times better when you're done.

Here are some things that help:

1. Choose the right kind of hard

Counters insufficient reward. Output flatlines. Studying the wrong domain. Misalignment with strengths. The pursuit is extrinsically motivated.

Playing to your strengths and interests. An ROI on difficulty, getting lots of reward. Fueled by intrinsic motivation. Hard work feels effortless, gains momentums. Most of the challenge is going from good to great, not shitty to OK. Pick a hard that hooks you.

2. Don't stay too close to the line

Redlining, squeezing the last drop of productivity out of every moment. Hit the wall. Lose all your momentum. The allostatic load limit = burnout. Simplest tasks are exhausting.

Dialing back the game, running at 80% intensity. Don't cross the invisible line = don't let your motivation evaporate. Consistency trumps intensity every time. Train @ 80%.

Track your daily capacity at a scale of 1 to 10, at the limit. When you're near your limit, dial it back and focus on consistency. HRV can help guage capacity.

3. When you see a hill, sprint

Sometimes, leaning in is the solution. You can sometimes work yourself out of burnout. If you're feeling overwhelmed by a hefty workload but you're getting mediocre, average results...

Don't fall for the wrong kind of hard - create traction to get past insufficient reward. Get the results. See the traction. Success blunts the burnout. Dopamine = focused attention, more wins.

Give yourself a limited timeline. When you see a hill, sprint.

4. Disarm burnout triggers

Rank the triggers by the highest risk, solve the issues systematically.

Lack of control =focus your control on the smallest part of your work you can completely own

Work Overload = take time off, active recovery, physiologically buffer yourself

Insufficient Rewards = gain more, ask for more recognition, appreciation, sacrifice less

Unfairness = asymmetric comparisons, consider the full context, address unfairness directly

Values Conflict = pin down values, consider a new role, negotiate a transfer

Breakdown Community = Sync frequently, share victories, get together more often

5. Build Burnout Body Armor

Burnout proofing your body and mind through active recovery. Not just time off, but active recovery.

Use hermetic stressors - jack up your heart rate in the moment, then result in a dropping over time, with HRV elevating afterwards. Hermetic stressors lessen impact of burnout.

When your nervous system is too overtaxed to respond to meditation or a walk in nature, Jack up your system to above max, parasympathetic rebound takes you back down to 2nd gear, a receptive state. Sauna, ice bath, no cognitive room to worry about burnout.

Cold induced thermogenesis, heat therapy, exercise, massage & myofacial release

 

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[RightyTighty]

I think all mental health issues apart from things like schizophrenia and psychosis (when you experience / see things that aren’t there) are bullshit.

And this is coming from someone who does suffer from what could be considered a personality disorder or worse — OCD.

I do believe my disorder is bullshit, and any remnants of it are just things I haven’t figured out how to control yet, but will in the future.

Clinical depression is a clinically proven chemical disorder of the brain. No opinions required - it’s a fact. And it ain’t fun.

Bullshit explanation. Do the thoughtts cause the “chemical disorder” or does the chemical disorder cause the thoughts?

I think you're not only uninformed, you're in denial. A quick Google search will show you that roughly 50% of clinical depression is hereditary. That's a medically accepted fact. I've dealt with such things for many years. I'm ADD and always have been. It's the way my brain is wired, same as how an introverts brain is wired or how your OCD brain is wired. I don't think of any of this as "mental illness", but all are definitely issues to be dealt with. If I consciously slow down my thinking I can be more organized and less distracted, but doing so makes me uncomfortable and much less effective at my true mental gifts. So instead I compensate by making lots of notes and lists on my phone. So yeah, perhaps you can learn how to "control" your OCD, but I think you'll find that in doing so you won't feel like "you". Either way, I wish you the best.

 

[JaaYu]

idk how this thread turned into an argument about whether depression is real or not,

but I'm fine.

I've been doing 2-4 mile runs at a beautiful park every day for the past week, and it feels great.

I just needed to get out there and start doing stuff.

I don't think I was burnt out or depressed or whatever. I think I was just lazy and people were right about me being on social media too much cause I was and kinda still am.

Its hard to break cause I've just grown up constantly stimulated, but I'll figure it out.

Other than that, thanks everybody

To anyone relating to the original post.

Just go out there and do stuff. Go on a run, push yourself, make content, sell, whatever.

Theres no point in thinking about it too much, cause you just don't have data to make a good decision. So the best course of action is to just do and figure it out later.

I'm realizing that feelings are also very misleading. Just cause I feel a certain way like feeling "empty" doesn't mean I don't want something. I think this is what people meant by purpose.

Cause even though I may feel "empty," I still have a long list of reasons to keep working and achieve my goals.

So I'm not gonna make judgements based on my short-term feelings and instead make judgements on my logical understanding of what I want out of life. And theres a LOT I want out of life.

Also, I figured out one thing for sure, EVERYTHING I want from life, comes from winning. And winning comes from doing, so ima jus focus on that.

(side note, i personally think life is meaningless so im gonna choose whatever meaning I want, and my meaning right now is to just win and help others)

 

[Johnny boy]

Clinical depression is a clinically proven chemical disorder of the brain. No opinions required - it’s a fact. And it ain’t fun.

Hahah yeah they are doomed. No chance. Can’t change anything. It’s not their fault. It’s okay to be poor sad and stupid! Thank God I didn’t catch it! They got so unlucky!

 

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[AlFarquhar]

Shit is complicated

 

[dudetheguy]

idk how this thread turned into an argument about whether depression is real or not,

but I'm fine.

I've been doing 2-4 mile runs at a beautiful park every day for the past week, and it feels great.

I just needed to get out there and start doing stuff.

I don't think I was burnt out or depressed or whatever. I think I was just lazy and people were right about me being on social media too much cause I was and kinda still am.

Its hard to break cause I've just grown up constantly stimulated, but I'll figure it out.

Other than that, thanks everybody

To anyone relating to the original post.

Just go out there and do stuff. Go on a run, push yourself, make content, sell, whatever.

Theres no point in thinking about it too much, cause you just don't have data to make a good decision. So the best course of action is to just do and figure it out later.

I'm realizing that feelings are also very misleading. Just cause I feel a certain way like feeling "empty" doesn't mean I don't want something. I think this is what people meant by purpose.

Cause even though I may feel "empty," I still have a long list of reasons to keep working and achieve my goals.

So I'm not gonna make judgements based on my short-term feelings and instead make judgements on my logical understanding of what I want out of life. And theres a LOT I want out of life.

Also, I figured out one thing for sure, EVERYTHING I want from life, comes from winning. And winning comes from doing, so ima jus focus on that.

(side note, i personally think life is meaningless so im gonna choose whatever meaning I want, and my meaning right now is to just win and help others)

I don't think you're headed on a bad trajectory or anything, by any means.

Just make sure to look at this rationally.

The reason you've felt empty is not because you don't believe there is a purpose to life, that has much less to do with it than a lot of "believers" would think...

At the base level, it's extremely simple: every feeling you experience is a neurotransmitter.

When you are running high on neurotransmitters, you wake up "feeling" like you want to kick some a$$.

As a MAN, you are built for achievement, and your body has these neurotransmitters such that you are literally a biological achievement MACHINE.

As a younger man, if you aren't CHOMPING AT THE BIT to get started on your to-do list every day, there's something wrong.

It's probably not your T levels dropping, which will happen as you go into your 30s and 40s, that leaves us with the conclusion that something you're doing is depleting neurotransmitters and leaving you empty.

Getting off social media is a decent suggestion because they do deplete some neurotransmitters like dopamine and feed you cheap rewards for doing practically nothing.

But there are many, many neurochemicals at play including norepinephrine (the body's endogenous meth) and endorphins that, if properly balanced, should do a lot to keep you away from social media anyways.

Social media doesn't release many endorphins or norepinephrine, if any at all.

But regardless, the truth is you should wake up every day STRAINING AT THE REINS to achieve what you need to achieve for the day - and this should NEVER stop.

People will say that's not practical, but "people" are very bad at taking care of themselves, very prone to overdoing it, and they don't how to replenish their neurochemicals every day with proper physiological and psychological recovery techniques.

Continuing to "push" yourself when you don't feel like it is a good way to build some grit - which, don't get me wrong, you will need in order to succeed - AND it is also a great way to squeeze the last drops from your adrenal glands and hit a wall of fatigue sooner or later...

Or, at best, drag along the bottom, scraping the barrel each day.

Take care to replenish your neurochemicals through an ongoing anti-burnout practice and you can maintain high energy, exceptional motivation, and peak performance for YEARS.

Previous post has a lot of info but what's really important? HRV, being aware of burnout triggers (there is actual scientific research done on those, which culminated in burnout being labeled as a syndrome and not just a symptom by the WHO in 2022), and techniques for lowering allostatic load, including hormetic stressors.

You WILL need to contend with this if you hope to become a hard-driving WINNER in life; it is better to manage your high performance and be aware of these skills now, rather than depleting your neurochemicals and continuing to push through until you hit adrenal fatigue, which can take one to two years to recover from.

Tldr; the "feelings" you have been missing are not cosmic in nature - they are neurochemicals, which as a younger man you should have in high supply on a daily basis, ongoing continuously for YEARS. Take on neurochemical replenishing strategies now to avoid future complications.