Didn't read all but: flipping the bird helps.
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Free registration at the forum removes this block.You handled it better than me.TLDR: Some people in life are particularly perverse and will abuse you and your kindness and when you realize it happened, it's too late.
How do you prevent this from happening?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The full story:
IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. We are not arguing political views here, I just told the story how it happened. The rules of the forum say we cannot discuss politics. Please comply. Thank you : )
My roommate invited some friends of hers for dinner yesterday night. I joined them at the end of the dinner because I wanted to work on my projects.
When I entered the room, I said hi to everyone, and took a seat. What followed happened fast and without me opening my mouth.
My roommate started saying out loud that I had complained earlier that I valued things less when they were easy to get than when they were hard (because I got an internship in a praised political institution and while I was happy at first, I told her my realization that it wasn't as hard to get as I thought it would be decreased the value I hold in the internship).
One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
"Yeah, but you know, you can complain of that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you f*cking capitalists. Me, I never had the right to not care about money. It's always there. I never even thought about doing an internship where you will do yours. This is why I had to work 15 years as a bartender. Where do you find the money to pay your rent? Huh? Where do you find it?"
I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to answer because I didn't expect to be attacked by someone I did not know...in my living room. I answered the truth, that I wasn't paying any rent at the moment because I was staying with a family member. That made him even angrier.
"Yeah, you got a silver spoon in your f*cking mouth, you have the luxury not to think about money, you never had to, you never will".
I started shaking. I stood up and told him to wait 2 minutes. Everyone saw I was angry. The atmosphere got tense.
I went to get my computer, came back and showed him a draft of blog post I had written. I wanted him to read the two sentences where I explain running out of money is my number one fear, way ahead of death and public speaking due to my money-tight childhood (why do you think I ended up on this forum lol).
Then he said "hey chill out, we're discussing, I am not attacking you or anything".
I was angry. I was really angry. I had let my guard down (I was in my own apartment for crying out loud) and had been attacked as a result. I walked straight into a trap that that idiot had laid for me.
It took me three hours to fall asleep that night, because I was angry at myself for having been abused so easily.
I figure that this type of abusive and passive-agressive behavior happens often where the stakes are high (politics, business).
What are the resources you guys use to deal with it? Physically I am short, 5,8, I am trying to build muscles so that I would commend a bit more respect, but otherwise, I am used to put out a mean face to instantly repel anyone that tries to mess with me (especially in the street since Brussels is a very dangerous city).
I didn't do it yesterday, and this is what I got.
Ordinarily, I am trying to be a nice guy, to help people, to give value. Some see it as weakness and try to abuse you.
How do you prevent it from happening?
PS: I talked with a friend today which was there last night, and she apologized for this guy's behavior, saying her boyfriend almost got into a fight with him last week.
TLDR: Some people in life are particularly perverse and will abuse you and your kindness and when you realize it happened, it's too late.
How do you prevent this from happening?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The full story:
IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. We are not arguing political views here, I just told the story how it happened. The rules of the forum say we cannot discuss politics. Please comply. Thank you : )
My roommate invited some friends of hers for dinner yesterday night. I joined them at the end of the dinner because I wanted to work on my projects.
When I entered the room, I said hi to everyone, and took a seat. What followed happened fast and without me opening my mouth.
My roommate started saying out loud that I had complained earlier that I valued things less when they were easy to get than when they were hard (because I got an internship in a praised political institution and while I was happy at first, I told her my realization that it wasn't as hard to get as I thought it would be decreased the value I hold in the internship).
One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
"Yeah, but you know, you can complain of that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you f*cking capitalists. Me, I never had the right to not care about money. It's always there. I never even thought about doing an internship where you will do yours. This is why I had to work 15 years as a bartender. Where do you find the money to pay your rent? Huh? Where do you find it?"
I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to answer because I didn't expect to be attacked by someone I did not know...in my living room. I answered the truth, that I wasn't paying any rent at the moment because I was staying with a family member. That made him even angrier.
"Yeah, you got a silver spoon in your f*cking mouth, you have the luxury not to think about money, you never had to, you never will".
I started shaking. I stood up and told him to wait 2 minutes. Everyone saw I was angry. The atmosphere got tense.
I went to get my computer, came back and showed him a draft of blog post I had written. I wanted him to read the two sentences where I explain running out of money is my number one fear, way ahead of death and public speaking due to my money-tight childhood (why do you think I ended up on this forum lol).
Then he said "hey chill out, we're discussing, I am not attacking you or anything".
I was angry. I was really angry. I had let my guard down (I was in my own apartment for crying out loud) and had been attacked as a result. I walked straight into a trap that that idiot had laid for me.
It took me three hours to fall asleep that night, because I was angry at myself for having been abused so easily.
I figure that this type of abusive and passive-agressive behavior happens often where the stakes are high (politics, business).
What are the resources you guys use to deal with it? Physically I am short, 5,8, I am trying to build muscles so that I would commend a bit more respect, but otherwise, I am used to put out a mean face to instantly repel anyone that tries to mess with me (especially in the street since Brussels is a very dangerous city).
I didn't do it yesterday, and this is what I got.
Ordinarily, I am trying to be a nice guy, to help people, to give value. Some see it as weakness and try to abuse you.
How do you prevent it from happening?
PS: I talked with a friend today which was there last night, and she apologized for this guy's behavior, saying her boyfriend almost got into a fight with him last week.
This right here is disrespect. NEVER engage disrepect.One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
"Yeah, but you know, you can complain of that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you f*cking capitalists. Me, I never had the right to not care about money. It's always there. I never even thought about doing an internship where you will do yours. This is why I had to work 15 years as a bartender. Where do you find the money to pay your rent? Huh? Where do you find it?"
Learning to defend your self does wonders for your self confidence, and I think the problem here fundamentally is low self confidence. I want to make sure you understand I'm not insulting you either, This is what i'm gathering from the way you talk about your self.
Also if you live in a dangerous city, I would move as soon as i can. Why have that added stress of potentially getting robbed, or in a fight with some criminal? Life is stressful enough.
For sure, I look harmless. My sister also made a lot of fun of me when i was a kid, constantly calling me a victim (she still does it by the way) which I think plays on my subconscious.You project some kind of weakness for this to happen, because people only attack when they feel safe doing it. (Spotting weakness, having backup etc.)
That’s 50 press-ups a day more than me. There’s a press-up thread in here somewhere. Maybe you can resurrect it?For sure, I look harmless. My sister also made a lot of fun of me when i was a kid, constantly calling me a victim (she still does it by the way) which I think plays on my subconscious.
I know that, and have been distanciating myself from this idea a lot by...stopping to be a victim.
I have been lifting weight for two years (with very small changes) and lost everything when they closed the gyms. Now I bought a kettlebell and a pull up bar and do 50 pushups every day.
Wanna learn krav maga when things reopen.
To me it's more polarizing than that.today's society has created too many nice guys with low testosterone and high cortisol - no fight or flight response, just flight.
The kid who was talking down to OP? Not even worth paying any attention to. A shrug followed by "...kay" would be my exact response. Would this provoke that kid even further? Probably. Enough for them to swing at me? Probably not.
Leadership, boundaries, courtesy, accountability for self and others, ability to protect yourself and others if necessary. That's what being an "alpha male" is about. Not picking fights, telling people how big your dick is, or standing up for yourself out of some weird paranoid sense of foolish pride.
To me it's more polarizing than that.
It's either "nice guys" with low T and high cortisol or try-hards with low T and high cortisol.
Both are what I call NBCs (see what I did there?) - Natural Born Cowards.
The former group is so afraid of confrontation that they avoid it at all costs and it results in them being stepped on.
The latter group starts trouble like it is their job. Until they get into some REAL trouble and get shot at or something.
Neither have no idea how to actually be courageous.
I'm seeing a lot of talk about dominance in this thread, but this is getting more and more twisted.
Starting trouble for the sake of it (which is what I am seeing in this thread) is not dominant behavior at all. It's just as cowardly as sheepishly avoiding confrontation and getting all bent out of shape about it.
In most cases when someone verbally assaults you the best thing to do is just shrug and go "...kay."
THEN see if they start trouble. If they do start trouble (very small chance), finish it. THAT is what being "dominant" looks like.
If someone swings at me or someone who I am with, they're getting hospitalized. Most people know this just from my posture and how I carry myself, avatar notwithstanding lol.
It isn't about being loud or overly confrontational, it's simply your ability to protect yourself and others who you care about if you feel like they need to be protected. Nothing more, nothing less.
The kid who was talking down to OP? Not even worth paying any attention to. A shrug followed by "...kay" would be my exact response. Would this provoke that kid even further? Probably. Enough for them to swing at me? Probably not.
Like I said previously, I would have just politely asked them how long they were going to be there and if they were going to be loud. And if their answer was yes, I would have very politely asked them if they could do it somewhere else.
As far as the roommate who started that? Later on I would have told them "did I say or do something in the past to cause you to do that? Because what you did wasn't right and I don't feel like I deserve that kind of treatment." Firm yet polite.
Leadership, boundaries, courtesy, accountability for self and others, ability to protect yourself and others if necessary. That's what being an "alpha male" is about. Not picking fights, telling people how big your dick is, or standing up for yourself out of some weird paranoid sense of foolish pride.
He's a loser. You're a winner. He doesn't even deserve all this attention. If we continue to give it, he's won.That guy was 40. He behaves like a 16-year-old, but he was 40. My roommate is 34. My friend is 33. I am 26.
Something I learned when I became a dad is that kids (and adults!) crave attention. People do the dumbest things to get attention, including getting into trouble.He doesn't even deserve all this attention.
How is this an abuse? It's not even dramatic enough for being fun.TLDR: Some people in life are particularly perverse and will abuse you and your kindness and when you realize it happened, it's too late.
How do you prevent this from happening?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The full story:
IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. We are not arguing political views here, I just told the story how it happened. The rules of the forum say we cannot discuss politics. Please comply. Thank you : )
My roommate invited some friends of hers for dinner yesterday night. I joined them at the end of the dinner because I wanted to work on my projects.
When I entered the room, I said hi to everyone, and took a seat. What followed happened fast and without me opening my mouth.
My roommate started saying out loud that I had complained earlier that I valued things less when they were easy to get than when they were hard (because I got an internship in a praised political institution and while I was happy at first, I told her my realization that it wasn't as hard to get as I thought it would be decreased the value I hold in the internship).
One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
"Yeah, but you know, you can complain of that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you f*cking capitalists. Me, I never had the right to not care about money. It's always there. I never even thought about doing an internship where you will do yours. This is why I had to work 15 years as a bartender. Where do you find the money to pay your rent? Huh? Where do you find it?"
I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to answer because I didn't expect to be attacked by someone I did not know...in my living room. I answered the truth, that I wasn't paying any rent at the moment because I was staying with a family member. That made him even angrier.
"Yeah, you got a silver spoon in your f*cking mouth, you have the luxury not to think about money, you never had to, you never will".
I started shaking. I stood up and told him to wait 2 minutes. Everyone saw I was angry. The atmosphere got tense.
I went to get my computer, came back and showed him a draft of blog post I had written. I wanted him to read the two sentences where I explain running out of money is my number one fear, way ahead of death and public speaking due to my money-tight childhood (why do you think I ended up on this forum lol).
Then he said "hey chill out, we're discussing, I am not attacking you or anything".
I was angry. I was really angry. I had let my guard down (I was in my own apartment for crying out loud) and had been attacked as a result. I walked straight into a trap that that idiot had laid for me.
It took me three hours to fall asleep that night, because I was angry at myself for having been abused so easily.
I figure that this type of abusive and passive-agressive behavior happens often where the stakes are high (politics, business).
What are the resources you guys use to deal with it? Physically I am short, 5,8, I am trying to build muscles so that I would commend a bit more respect, but otherwise, I am used to put out a mean face to instantly repel anyone that tries to mess with me (especially in the street since Brussels is a very dangerous city).
I didn't do it yesterday, and this is what I got.
Ordinarily, I am trying to be a nice guy, to help people, to give value. Some see it as weakness and try to abuse you.
How do you prevent it from happening?
PS: I talked with a friend today which was there last night, and she apologized for this guy's behavior, saying her boyfriend almost got into a fight with him last week.
Don’t you think some people are just a waste of time, though?Toughen up, bulk up, set boundaries, show them the door, shut it down, let it go, don't engage. For some reason, I can't shake this thread. I've been thinking about it for a day now. All the advice here is solid and has obvious benefits.
I think there is an opportunity being missed.
Instead of asking yourself "How do I stopped being abused like this" what if you asked yourself:
"How can I turn situations like these to my advantage?"
My junior year of high school I was the new guy in school. That year I had 3 bullies. I'm talking tormenting, harrassing, threatening, assaulting type bullying. The first one literally started on me day one, like some movie scene.
By my senior year of high school I developed some of the thickest skin around. And all three had become my good friends. They'd give me rides to and from school, and again out at night. Twice they helped me land jobs. We'd hang out, they introduced me to more friends. They set me straight when I was up to no good and headed down a dark path in my early 20's. I went to college with one. I later became roommates with another. The third was in my wedding party. I am still really good friends with 2 of them, texting regularly even though they live 2,000+ miles away. We've chatted every day this week in fact.
If you show someone the door, you'll never find out the impact they could have had on your life.
I'm not suggesting you and 40 yr old guy are going to become besties. And I certainly would not expose myself to a year of bullying for anybody.
But my point is there is a skill that can be developed, and if you develop this skill, you can go quite far in life.
You can turn enemies into friends.
You can turn haters into allies.
You can turn doubters into evangelists.
You're never going to please all people, nor should you try. I'm not suggesting that. Heck, I'm a guy who tends to piss some people off.
With this skill, you can have more friends, close more sales, get yourself out of more hot water, generate more engagement and have more people/friends/mentors/partners/employees/associates believe in you than you would if you just shut the door on every jerk that comes across your path.
But what entrepreneur doesn't want this skill? Imagine needing to close a huge sale but the prospect is giving you bullying vibes. What do you do?
Sure, you can tell yourself you don't want his business and move on. Case closed. No f$#%s given, no money received.
But what if you could flip the script, make him a fan of yours and close the sale anyways? Is that not better? What if he sends you 2 more clients? Is that not better?
The truth is you don't develop this skill by surrounding yourself only with people who like you.
You develop it by surrounding yourself with people who don't like you and you get them to change their mind about you. To get there, you have to be able to embrace some conflict.
How do you connect with people like that?
Well, there a ton of different tactics. You can express interest in them. You can make them laugh. You can find common ground. You can share similar stories. You can mirror their language, their cadence, their dialect or euphamisms. You can validate their positions. You can change their circumstances. You can express a desire to help them. You can help them feel good about themselves. You can help them achieve a goal. You can buy them a beer.
You can react differently to bullying than they expect.
There's lots of ways you can stand out. Through your words and deeds, you can change some one else's perception of you. Every situation, every person is different. What will work in one situation won't work on another. But over time you can learn to read people.
Since junior year, I've talked my way out of every fight I didn't want to have. This skill has also helped me talk my way out of more speeding tickets than I care to count.
There are huge benefits to learning to work through conflict rather than avoiding or eliminating it. For those older folks in this thread, I'm sure they are happy with how they are. No one here is wrong. We all have to choose the life we want.
But for the younger folks here, I would suggest you at least consider learning to work through some seemingly unnecessary conflict rather than avoiding it entirely. Take a genuine interest in people who have views that you feel are opposite yours or just flat out wrong. Even the occasional bully. Learn to see the world through other people's eyes. Do that and you can connect with people from many different walks of life.
When you learn how to change how people perceive you, life becomes more of an adventure and business becomes easier.
I just wanted to offer a different take based on my personal experience. Hope that helps someone.
Toughen up, bulk up, set boundaries, show them the door, shut it down, let it go, don't engage. For some reason, I can't shake this thread. I've been thinking about it for a day now. All the advice here is solid and has obvious benefits.
I think there is an opportunity being missed.
Instead of asking yourself "How do I stopped being abused like this" what if you asked yourself:
"How can I turn situations like these to my advantage?"
My junior year of high school I was the new guy in school. That year I had 3 bullies. I'm talking tormenting, harrassing, threatening, assaulting type bullying. The first one literally started on me day one, like some movie scene.
By my senior year of high school I developed some of the thickest skin around. And all three had become my good friends. They'd give me rides to and from school, and again out at night. Twice they helped me land jobs. We'd hang out, they introduced me to more friends. They set me straight when I was up to no good and headed down a dark path in my early 20's. I went to college with one. I later became roommates with another. The third was in my wedding party. I am still really good friends with 2 of them, texting regularly even though they live 2,000+ miles away. We've chatted every day this week in fact.
If you show someone the door, you'll never find out the impact they could have had on your life.
I'm not suggesting you and 40 yr old guy are going to become besties. And I certainly would not expose myself to a year of bullying for anybody.
But my point is there is a skill that can be developed, and if you develop this skill, you can go quite far in life.
You can turn enemies into friends.
You can turn haters into allies.
You can turn doubters into evangelists.
You're never going to please all people, nor should you try. I'm not suggesting that. Heck, I'm a guy who tends to piss some people off.
With this skill, you can have more friends, close more sales, get yourself out of more hot water, generate more engagement and have more people/friends/mentors/partners/employees/associates believe in you than you would if you just shut the door on every jerk that comes across your path.
But what entrepreneur doesn't want this skill? Imagine needing to close a huge sale but the prospect is giving you bullying vibes. What do you do?
Sure, you can tell yourself you don't want his business and move on. Case closed. No f$#%s given, no money received.
But what if you could flip the script, make him a fan of yours and close the sale anyways? Is that not better? What if he sends you 2 more clients? Is that not better?
The truth is you don't develop this skill by surrounding yourself only with people who like you.
You develop it by surrounding yourself with people who don't like you and you get them to change their mind about you. To get there, you have to be able to embrace some conflict.
How do you connect with people like that?
Well, there a ton of different tactics. You can express interest in them. You can make them laugh. You can find common ground. You can share similar stories. You can mirror their language, their cadence, their dialect or euphamisms. You can validate their positions. You can change their circumstances. You can express a desire to help them. You can help them feel good about themselves. You can help them achieve a goal. You can buy them a beer.
You can react differently to bullying than they expect.
There's lots of ways you can stand out. Through your words and deeds, you can change some one else's perception of you. Every situation, every person is different. What will work in one situation won't work on another. But over time you can learn to read people.
Since junior year, I've talked my way out of every fight I didn't want to have. This skill has also helped me talk my way out of more speeding tickets than I care to count.
There are huge benefits to learning to work through conflict rather than avoiding or eliminating it. For those older folks in this thread, I'm sure they are happy with how they are. No one here is wrong. We all have to choose the life we want.
But for the younger folks here, I would suggest you at least consider learning to work through some seemingly unnecessary conflict rather than avoiding it entirely. Take a genuine interest in people who have views that you feel are opposite yours or just flat out wrong. Even the occasional bully. Learn to see the world through other people's eyes. Do that and you can connect with people from many different walks of life.
When you learn how to change how people perceive you, life becomes more of an adventure and business becomes easier.
I just wanted to offer a different take based on my personal experience. Hope that helps someone.
I agree that it’s a good skill to have to be able to converse with many different types of people, including those overly loud and aggressive. Sometimes that’s just their normal.Toughen up, bulk up, set boundaries, show them the door, shut it down, let it go, don't engage. For some reason, I can't shake this thread. I've been thinking about it for a day now. All the advice here is solid and has obvious benefits.
I think there is an opportunity being missed.
Instead of asking yourself "How do I stopped being abused like this" what if you asked yourself:
"How can I turn situations like these to my advantage?"
My junior year of high school I was the new guy in school. That year I had 3 bullies. I'm talking tormenting, harrassing, threatening, assaulting type bullying. The first one literally started on me day one, like some movie scene.
By my senior year of high school I developed some of the thickest skin around. And all three had become my good friends. They'd give me rides to and from school, and again out at night. Twice they helped me land jobs. We'd hang out, they introduced me to more friends. They set me straight when I was up to no good and headed down a dark path in my early 20's. I went to college with one. I later became roommates with another. The third was in my wedding party. I am still really good friends with 2 of them, texting regularly even though they live 2,000+ miles away. We've chatted every day this week in fact.
If you show someone the door, you'll never find out the impact they could have had on your life.
I'm not suggesting you and 40 yr old guy are going to become besties. And I certainly would not expose myself to a year of bullying for anybody.
But my point is there is a skill that can be developed, and if you develop this skill, you can go quite far in life.
You can turn enemies into friends.
You can turn haters into allies.
You can turn doubters into evangelists.
You're never going to please all people, nor should you try. I'm not suggesting that. Heck, I'm a guy who tends to piss some people off.
With this skill, you can have more friends, close more sales, get yourself out of more hot water, generate more engagement and have more people/friends/mentors/partners/employees/associates believe in you than you would if you just shut the door on every jerk that comes across your path.
But what entrepreneur doesn't want this skill? Imagine needing to close a huge sale but the prospect is giving you bullying vibes. What do you do?
Sure, you can tell yourself you don't want his business and move on. Case closed. No f$#%s given, no money received.
But what if you could flip the script, make him a fan of yours and close the sale anyways? Is that not better? What if he sends you 2 more clients? Is that not better?
The truth is you don't develop this skill by surrounding yourself only with people who like you.
You develop it by surrounding yourself with people who don't like you and you get them to change their mind about you. To get there, you have to be able to embrace some conflict.
How do you connect with people like that?
Well, there a ton of different tactics. You can express interest in them. You can make them laugh. You can find common ground. You can share similar stories. You can mirror their language, their cadence, their dialect or euphamisms. You can validate their positions. You can change their circumstances. You can express a desire to help them. You can help them feel good about themselves. You can help them achieve a goal. You can buy them a beer.
You can react differently to bullying than they expect.
There's lots of ways you can stand out. Through your words and deeds, you can change some one else's perception of you. Every situation, every person is different. What will work in one situation won't work on another. But over time you can learn to read people.
Since junior year, I've talked my way out of every fight I didn't want to have. This skill has also helped me talk my way out of more speeding tickets than I care to count.
There are huge benefits to learning to work through conflict rather than avoiding or eliminating it. For those older folks in this thread, I'm sure they are happy with how they are. No one here is wrong. We all have to choose the life we want.
But for the younger folks here, I would suggest you at least consider learning to work through some seemingly unnecessary conflict rather than avoiding it entirely. Take a genuine interest in people who have views that you feel are opposite yours or just flat out wrong. Even the occasional bully. Learn to see the world through other people's eyes. Do that and you can connect with people from many different walks of life.
When you learn how to change how people perceive you, life becomes more of an adventure and business becomes easier.
I just wanted to offer a different take based on my personal experience. Hope that helps someone.
But what if you could flip the script, make him a fan of yours and close the sale anyways?
My roommate invited some friends of hers for dinner yesterday night. I joined them at the end of the dinner because I wanted to work on my projects.
When I entered the room, I said hi to everyone, and took a seat. What followed happened fast and without me opening my mouth.
My roommate started saying out loud that I had complained earlier that I valued things less when they were easy to get than when they were hard (because I got an internship in a praised political institution and while I was happy at first, I told her my realization that it wasn't as hard to get as I thought it would be decreased the value I hold in the internship).
One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
That’s a good tip about calling out the behaviour rather than what they’re saying.I think the physical context here is important - this is your house.
The roommate thing complicates it a bit but if someone talked to me like that they got about 30 seconds to get their stuff and be out the door. Whatever points this guy might have (and he has none) he loses when he doesn't know how to talk so someone with even a bit of respect. No respect = his a$$ is going out the door pronto.
Since its a roommates friend though a better approach to do is to "go meta".
Basically don't engage his point but instead draw attention to his behaviour...
"Is this how you talk to someone you don't even know - that is messed up man, I never even meet you before - what is wrong with you!!?" - said calmly but with a tone of "you are being a total loser right now".
In NLP terms this is just taking control of the frame. He wanted you to get into defending yourself - not you switch it around and he is on the back foot trying to defend his own actions.
Now he is stuck - either he keeps arguing and looks like more of a loser or he starts back up and has to apologise. This works very well with a group/crowd cause it makes the other person look like a moron (and they are being one).
I use this technique whenever this happens - if someone is trying to be super passive aggressive with me and I just call them out on it and draw attention to what they are doing. Stay calm and just call it out nice and loud.
A good video on this is...
It is the same idea - don't engage what they are saying but call out the overall situation/their behaviour.
---
On another note I would be reassessing that housemate situation.
I would suggest directly telling that roommate - "don't ever do that again - if I come in and you start arguing with me about some BS in front of some strangers either I am gone or you are. You can introduce me properly and show some normal respect towards me in front of your friends."
Or just move out - birds of a feather flock together and if a roommate brings home idiot friends more than then just cut them out of your life quickly. There too many high value people around to waste time with losers.
Look at just having your own place if possible or move in with someone more on your wavelength.
This happens in life in general with any topic or subject. It depends on the situation. Who the people are. I mean someone who you don't know is not the same thing as a boss, family member, friend, or romantic/partner.TLDR: Some people in life are particularly perverse and will abuse you and your kindness and when you realize it happened, it's too late.
How do you prevent this from happening?
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The full story:
IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. We are not arguing political views here, I just told the story how it happened. The rules of the forum say we cannot discuss politics. Please comply. Thank you : )
My roommate invited some friends of hers for dinner yesterday night. I joined them at the end of the dinner because I wanted to work on my projects.
When I entered the room, I said hi to everyone, and took a seat. What followed happened fast and without me opening my mouth.
My roommate started saying out loud that I had complained earlier that I valued things less when they were easy to get than when they were hard (because I got an internship in a praised political institution and while I was happy at first, I told her my realization that it wasn't as hard to get as I thought it would be decreased the value I hold in the internship).
One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
"Yeah, but you know, you can complain of that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you f*cking capitalists. Me, I never had the right to not care about money. It's always there. I never even thought about doing an internship where you will do yours. This is why I had to work 15 years as a bartender. Where do you find the money to pay your rent? Huh? Where do you find it?"
I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to answer because I didn't expect to be attacked by someone I did not know...in my living room. I answered the truth, that I wasn't paying any rent at the moment because I was staying with a family member. That made him even angrier.
"Yeah, you got a silver spoon in your f*cking mouth, you have the luxury not to think about money, you never had to, you never will".
I started shaking. I stood up and told him to wait 2 minutes. Everyone saw I was angry. The atmosphere got tense.
I went to get my computer, came back and showed him a draft of blog post I had written. I wanted him to read the two sentences where I explain running out of money is my number one fear, way ahead of death and public speaking due to my money-tight childhood (why do you think I ended up on this forum lol).
Then he said "hey chill out, we're discussing, I am not attacking you or anything".
I was angry. I was really angry. I had let my guard down (I was in my own apartment for crying out loud) and had been attacked as a result. I walked straight into a trap that that idiot had laid for me.
It took me three hours to fall asleep that night, because I was angry at myself for having been abused so easily.
I figure that this type of abusive and passive-agressive behavior happens often where the stakes are high (politics, business).
What are the resources you guys use to deal with it? Physically I am short, 5,8, I am trying to build muscles so that I would commend a bit more respect, but otherwise, I am used to put out a mean face to instantly repel anyone that tries to mess with me (especially in the street since Brussels is a very dangerous city).
I didn't do it yesterday, and this is what I got.
Ordinarily, I am trying to be a nice guy, to help people, to give value. Some see it as weakness and try to abuse you.
How do you prevent it from happening?
PS: I talked with a friend today which was there last night, and she apologized for this guy's behavior, saying her boyfriend almost got into a fight with him last week.
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