Leaning into rejection: Asking for free coffee.

[harumi]

I was chilling in my hot tub, listening to @noahkagan book Million Dollar Weekend on Audible. From the brief beginning the message I recieved was - GET A FREE COFFEE.
I thought to myself 'heck yeah!' I'm going to do it.
My WHY is - I should be able to get a free coffee just by asking, how hard could it really be, haha?
I work in London, so there's many places I can try. I'm VERY introverted, but as a kid I remember myself being extraverted.

The one time I saw someone getting a freebie was a travel blogger on YouTube (Simon), he would play a trick where he tells that he dropped his coffee 15minutes ago and asks for a new one. I do NOT want to do that, so here is my personal SELF-RULE -
MY SELF RULE: I cannot steal, lie or misslead. The person giving me the free coffee must do it willingly by themselves out of the good will of their heart.

This is my progress thread for doing this challenge and getting that free coffee!

Day 1. Thursday 21st March 2024

Place Name: JOE & THE JUICE
Story:
I was walking down the street during my lunch break, I see this coffee shop on the side of the street, 3 coffee shops in a row.... I think to myself Okay, imma do this! Just walk in, ask, walk out. Simple.
As I get closer FEAR peaks, and I walk straight past the building! Like my intention was to never walk inside...

As I keep walking I'm thinking to myself WOW this is difficult.

Questions pop up into my mind:
Would I be able to forgive myself? Am I giving up on my dream? Is this who I really am?

3 seconds past, I STOP.

Turn around and say to myself: NO, I AM DOING THIS.

I walk inside the building, it's a small building, there's a queue of 2 people in front of me. I stand in line and observe. People in queue quickly make their orders and go to take seats. Its my turn now and theres no-one behind me.
There is this young lady in front of me, who appears to be in charge of customer service - she takes customer orders and right next to her over the counter there are 4-5 people bunched up in a tiny space who are doing the work.
Conversation with the lady:
Me: 'Can I have a free coffee?'
Her: 'why?' *inna scared voice*
Me: ....
Whatever I said, I complelty blew it. I was SCARED.
After she said no, I smiled, and walked away feeling good.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 9/10

- - -

Place Name: STARBUCKS
Story:
Soon after... I walk inside this large building, lots of people are sitting down but still half of the space is empty.
There is a queue of 2 completely miserable looking people waiting to be served in line.
I just stared at the workers and smiled.
1 worker was an unhappy looking young foreign guy doing something, behind him are 2 young ladies doing stuff.
The unhappy guy did a hand signal that I should queue up. A second later. A young smiling lady comes to the counter and my dumb a$$ though it was for me, I started walking towards the counter, and then the miserable guy from the line walked in front of me and in my head I was like 'OH ShIt' - I completly forgot about him, he was like a ghost.
I didnt even try.. i just walked out straight away. It felt like I blew it, so I didn't even want to ask for a coffee.
I was so upset with myself for being this inconsiderate and blind.
But as my COPE I though - I actually helped that guy in the queue by brining attention to the other employee to take the order!

Result: DIDN'T ASK.
My FEAR level: 6/10

- - -

Place Name: ??? I forgot
Story:
Walked inside an empty resturant looking place. Lots of space, all empty.
Young british guy over the counter welcomed me! I joyfully welcomed him back!
Me: 'Do you do coffee here?'
He: 'yeah!'
*I keep walking in closer* and ask: 'Can I have a free one?'
I felt that when I said 'free' I mumbled it and said it much quiter.
So I repeated myself - 'Can I have a free one?'
He: 'sorry, we dont do free service here'
I understandably left. From the look he gave me I felt like a homeless man begging haha!!

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 7/10

- - -

Place Name: STARBUCKS (different 1)
Story:
Very large building, maybe 2-3 people are sitting inside, making the building seem completly empty. No queue.
Nice young lady at the counter, and an angry looking foreign guy who's 'working' but tbh idk what he was doing.
The lady comes to take my order -
Me: 'can I get a free coffee?'
Her: no.. do you have a 'Starbucks card'.
Me: 'no, don't have it with me'
She understandably rejected.
And I understandably accepted that fact and walked out.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 5/10

- - -

On my way back to work, ideas for the next time start to pop up:
Idea 1. never say 'free' instead ask for a 'sample'. 'Can I get a Coffee sample?'
Idea 2. Go into it with a mindset of - I am helping YOU by asking for a free coffee.
Idea 3. Wear a hat, (maybe it's my hair cut lol).
Idea 4. Next one I do, I will use all 3 Ideas above.

- - -

After work -
Place Name: Costa Coffee
Story:
Clean and smart looking foreign guy working all by himself in this cozy small building. There's a family of 3 in a queue and a guy in his phone already waiting for his order.
After both got served:
Me: 'Can I get a coffee sample?'
Him: 'What.'
Me: 'Can I get a coffee sample?'
He: *Smirked face* We don't do samples.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 7/10

- - -

On my train ride home as I listen to Noahs book I learn that the 'ask muscle' was for a 10% discount, while my a$$ straight up asked for 4 free coffees today
New strategy, which will DOUBLE my No's is this:
Can I get a free coffee?
No.
Can I get a 50% discount?
No.
Now they have 2 possibilities to say no or yes.

Day 2. Friday 22 March 2024

As I get off train and make my way to work I see -
Place Name: Coffee Bike
Story:
Older casual looking foreign man, behind the bike, there is no queue, just a coffee bike in the middle of a busy morning street.
Me: can I get a free coffee?
Him: *silent..* what?
Me: can I have a free coffee?
Him: *laughs* fine ill give you a free coffee.
Him: Why don't you ask for free coffee in Starbucks it's a multi billion company!
Me: it's a challenge I'm doing... seeing who would give me a free coffee, you're the first one!
*We had more small talk*
His name is Euguene, and wow, I even got a biscuit on top!

Result:

My FEAR level: 5/10

- - -

Place Name: LEAVE THE HERD
Story:
On my lunch break I walk inside this large building, very cosy, there were 2 people on their laptops, and another 2 people further away chatting.
Behind the counter is a smiling lady busy making an order, and a very tall young black gentleman also doing other work.
I was standing and smiling and she told me to use the self checkout machine.
I shook my head and asked: 'can I get a free coffee?'
She: *equipment machine buzzing* 'sorry the machine is too loud', *moved closer to me*
Me: can I get a free coffee?
She: Yes! Sure.
*We had small talk*
Her name is Elisa.
At the end she even said 'thank you' to me!

Result:

My FEAR level: 5/10

It was a big cup and I already had too much coffee for the day, thanks to Euguene! So Elisas coffee will be for someone else to enjoy!
I walked down the street and randomly selected first people I see -

First Interaction -
A young Asian lady, walking down the street all focused in her head.
I smilingly approached her and asked: do you want a free coffee, *showing the cup*
She: no thank you, and smiled
Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 3/10

Second Interaction -
An older British lady, walking down the street
Same as before -
Me: do you want a free coffee? ... I picked it up but don't really want it.
She: no thanks, and smiled
Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 2/10

Third Interaction -
A black gentleman wearing his headphones on a call with someone.
Same as before -
I smilingly got his attention, and said:
'Hey do you want a free coffee?'
'I just picked it up and don't want it.'
He started to smile and said 'yeah!'.
Me: It's a latte with milk no sugar!
*I passed him the cup*
He was smiling told me 'thank you' and I told him to have a good day!
Result: YES.
My FEAR level: 3/10

- - -

Place Name: Leon
Story:
After work on my way to train I'm looking for places I can try. I walk inside, one tall man is waiting for his order next to the counter.
There are two foreign young guys running the place! They really wanted to be unnoticed, but I smiled and just paid attention until one of them notices me. One does -
Me: can I get a free coffee?
Him: *looks at me* what?
Me: can I have a free coffee? *making eye movement to the coffee machine while smiling*
<in his eyes I though he wanted to do it>
Him: No.
I smiled and said 'okay...'
...I was about to ask for a discount but he turned around..
So I walked out.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 3/10
(I though it would be higher because there was a man who heard and saw it all)

- - -

Place Name: Caffe Nero
Story:
Lots of tables outside and only 1 table was occupied by an older couple. I walk inside, it's a nice cozy looking place. A young slavic man behind the counter, and theres no queue.
I ask: can I get a free coffee?
Him: what?
Me: can I get a free coffee.
Him: no sorry I can't
Me: can I get a discount?
Him: you can only get a 10% discount
(I noticed a sign on the counter the second I entered saying '10% discount', so I knew I had to decline his offer)
Me: can I get a 50% discount?
He: sorry no
Me: it's okay, have a good day!
He: you too!

Result: NO. NO.
My FEAR level: 2/10

- - -

Honestly, I just wanted to get a few NO's to finish the day. I already felt extremely grateful and happy!
Overall it took me 2 days to get my first YES. I tried 9 places, 2 SUCCESS, 7 FAILURES.

My confidence level went up, but dang this was HARD! And still is! It's fun though.

I'll end my progress thread here, but I'll definetly do this more.

I'd love to read your story! It takes about 3 minutes to get a NO. And it's so fun!

 

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[DoTheWork]

Felt like I was in a weird dream reading this, haha.

But good for you for being persistent and also not taking the easy way out by trying to justify it like "I had a rough day, don't have my wallet with me, was wondering if I could get a free coffee."

Any plans to use this new confidence and lack of fear around rejection? What's your next step?

 

[Sofiawicz]

Congrats on the two YES + you made somebody happy by offering him a coffee I was listening to a podcast mentioning this challenge and thought I should try but then completely forgot about it....

 

[harumi]

Any plans to use this new confidence and lack of fear around rejection? What's your next step?

Its like a muscle that can be trained so my plan is to keep training it, making new connections and seeing where that takes me.

 

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[Aidan04]

This is very interesting. I would recommend not asking for more free coffee though haha

See if you can get your confidence up to a point where you can make some real shit happen with this skill.

You must realize that nobody cares about you besides those close to you. You can use this superpower to say and do anything (within reason) to strangers or acquaintances.

 

[Antifragile]

I was chilling in my hot tub, listening to @noahkagan book Million Dollar Weekend on Audible. From the brief beginning the message I recieved was - GET A FREE COFFEE.
I thought to myself 'heck yeah!' I'm going to do it.
My WHY is - I should be able to get a free coffee just by asking, how hard could it really be, haha?
I work in London, so there's many places I can try. I'm VERY introverted, but as a kid I remember myself being extraverted.

The one time I saw someone getting a freebie was a travel blogger on YouTube (Simon), he would play a trick where he tells that he dropped his coffee 15minutes ago and asks for a new one. I do NOT want to do that, so here is my personal SELF-RULE -
MY SELF RULE: I cannot steal, lie or misslead. The person giving me the free coffee must do it willingly by themselves out of the good will of their heart.

This is my progress thread for doing this challenge and getting that free coffee!

Day 1. Thursday 21st March 2024

Place Name: JOE & THE JUICE
Story:
I was walking down the street during my lunch break, I see this coffee shop on the side of the street, 3 coffee shops in a row.... I think to myself Okay, imma do this! Just walk in, ask, walk out. Simple.
As I get closer FEAR peaks, and I walk straight past the building! Like my intention was to never walk inside...

As I keep walking I'm thinking to myself WOW this is difficult.

Questions pop up into my mind:
Would I be able to forgive myself? Am I giving up on my dream? Is this who I really am?

3 seconds past, I STOP.

Turn around and say to myself: NO, I AM DOING THIS.

I walk inside the building, it's a small building, there's a queue of 2 people in front of me. I stand in line and observe. People in queue quickly make their orders and go to take seats. Its my turn now and theres no-one behind me.
There is this young lady in front of me, who appears to be in charge of customer service - she takes customer orders and right next to her over the counter there are 4-5 people bunched up in a tiny space who are doing the work.
Conversation with the lady:
Me: 'Can I have a free coffee?'
Her: 'why?' *inna scared voice*
Me: ....
Whatever I said, I complelty blew it. I was SCARED.
After she said no, I smiled, and walked away feeling good.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 9/10

- - -

Place Name: STARBUCKS
Story:
Soon after... I walk inside this large building, lots of people are sitting down but still half of the space is empty.
There is a queue of 2 completely miserable looking people waiting to be served in line.
I just stared at the workers and smiled.
1 worker was an unhappy looking young foreign guy doing something, behind him are 2 young ladies doing stuff.
The unhappy guy did a hand signal that I should queue up. A second later. A young smiling lady comes to the counter and my dumb a$$ though it was for me, I started walking towards the counter, and then the miserable guy from the line walked in front of me and in my head I was like 'OH ShIt' - I completly forgot about him, he was like a ghost.
I didnt even try.. i just walked out straight away. It felt like I blew it, so I didn't even want to ask for a coffee.
I was so upset with myself for being this inconsiderate and blind.
But as my COPE I though - I actually helped that guy in the queue by brining attention to the other employee to take the order!

Result: DIDN'T ASK.
My FEAR level: 6/10

- - -

Place Name: ??? I forgot
Story:
Walked inside an empty resturant looking place. Lots of space, all empty.
Young british guy over the counter welcomed me! I joyfully welcomed him back!
Me: 'Do you do coffee here?'
He: 'yeah!'
*I keep walking in closer* and ask: 'Can I have a free one?'
I felt that when I said 'free' I mumbled it and said it much quiter.
So I repeated myself - 'Can I have a free one?'
He: 'sorry, we dont do free service here'
I understandably left. From the look he gave me I felt like a homeless man begging haha!!

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 7/10

- - -

Place Name: STARBUCKS (different 1)
Story:
Very large building, maybe 2-3 people are sitting inside, making the building seem completly empty. No queue.
Nice young lady at the counter, and an angry looking foreign guy who's 'working' but tbh idk what he was doing.
The lady comes to take my order -
Me: 'can I get a free coffee?'
Her: no.. do you have a 'Starbucks card'.
Me: 'no, don't have it with me'
She understandably rejected.
And I understandably accepted that fact and walked out.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 5/10

- - -

On my way back to work, ideas for the next time start to pop up:
Idea 1. never say 'free' instead ask for a 'sample'. 'Can I get a Coffee sample?'
Idea 2. Go into it with a mindset of - I am helping YOU by asking for a free coffee.
Idea 3. Wear a hat, (maybe it's my hair cut lol).
Idea 4. Next one I do, I will use all 3 Ideas above.

- - -

After work -
Place Name: Costa Coffee
Story:
Clean and smart looking foreign guy working all by himself in this cozy small building. There's a family of 3 in a queue and a guy in his phone already waiting for his order.
After both got served:
Me: 'Can I get a coffee sample?'
Him: 'What.'
Me: 'Can I get a coffee sample?'
He: *Smirked face* We don't do samples.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 7/10

- - -

On my train ride home as I listen to Noahs book I learn that the 'ask muscle' was for a 10% discount, while my a$$ straight up asked for 4 free coffees today
New strategy, which will DOUBLE my No's is this:
Can I get a free coffee?
No.
Can I get a 50% discount?
No.
Now they have 2 possibilities to say no or yes.

Day 2. Friday 22 March 2024

As I get off train and make my way to work I see -
Place Name: Coffee Bike
Story:
Older casual looking foreign man, behind the bike, there is no queue, just a coffee bike in the middle of a busy morning street.
Me: can I get a free coffee?
Him: *silent..* what?
Me: can I have a free coffee?
Him: *laughs* fine ill give you a free coffee.
Him: Why don't you ask for free coffee in Starbucks it's a multi billion company!
Me: it's a challenge I'm doing... seeing who would give me a free coffee, you're the first one!
*We had more small talk*
His name is Euguene, and wow, I even got a biscuit on top!

Result:
View attachment 54910
My FEAR level: 5/10

- - -

Place Name: LEAVE THE HERD
Story:
On my lunch break I walk inside this large building, very cosy, there were 2 people on their laptops, and another 2 people further away chatting.
Behind the counter is a smiling lady busy making an order, and a very tall young black gentleman also doing other work.
I was standing and smiling and she told me to use the self checkout machine.
I shook my head and asked: 'can I get a free coffee?'
She: *equipment machine buzzing* 'sorry the machine is too loud', *moved closer to me*
Me: can I get a free coffee?
She: Yes! Sure.
*We had small talk*
Her name is Elisa.
At the end she even said 'thank you' to me!

Result:
View attachment 54909
My FEAR level: 5/10

It was a big cup and I already had too much coffee for the day, thanks to Euguene! So Elisas coffee will be for someone else to enjoy!
I walked down the street and randomly selected first people I see -

First Interaction -
A young Asian lady, walking down the street all focused in her head.
I smilingly approached her and asked: do you want a free coffee, *showing the cup*
She: no thank you, and smiled
Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 3/10

Second Interaction -
An older British lady, walking down the street
Same as before -
Me: do you want a free coffee? ... I picked it up but don't really want it.
She: no thanks, and smiled
Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 2/10

Third Interaction -
A black gentleman wearing his headphones on a call with someone.
Same as before -
I smilingly got his attention, and said:
'Hey do you want a free coffee?'
'I just picked it up and don't want it.'
He started to smile and said 'yeah!'.
Me: It's a latte with milk no sugar!
*I passed him the cup*
He was smiling told me 'thank you' and I told him to have a good day!
Result: YES.
My FEAR level: 3/10

- - -

Place Name: Leon
Story:
After work on my way to train I'm looking for places I can try. I walk inside, one tall man is waiting for his order next to the counter.
There are two foreign young guys running the place! They really wanted to be unnoticed, but I smiled and just paid attention until one of them notices me. One does -
Me: can I get a free coffee?
Him: *looks at me* what?
Me: can I have a free coffee? *making eye movement to the coffee machine while smiling*
<in his eyes I though he wanted to do it>
Him: No.
I smiled and said 'okay...'
...I was about to ask for a discount but he turned around..
So I walked out.

Result: NO.
My FEAR level: 3/10
(I though it would be higher because there was a man who heard and saw it all)

- - -

Place Name: Caffe Nero
Story:
Lots of tables outside and only 1 table was occupied by an older couple. I walk inside, it's a nice cozy looking place. A young slavic man behind the counter, and theres no queue.
I ask: can I get a free coffee?
Him: what?
Me: can I get a free coffee.
Him: no sorry I can't
Me: can I get a discount?
Him: you can only get a 10% discount
(I noticed a sign on the counter the second I entered saying '10% discount', so I knew I had to decline his offer)
Me: can I get a 50% discount?
He: sorry no
Me: it's okay, have a good day!
He: you too!

Result: NO. NO.
My FEAR level: 2/10

- - -

Honestly, I just wanted to get a few NO's to finish the day. I already felt extremely grateful and happy!
Overall it took me 2 days to get my first YES. I tried 9 places, 2 SUCCESS, 7 FAILURES.

My confidence level went up, but dang this was HARD! And still is! It's fun though.

I'll end my progress thread here, but I'll definetly do this more.

I'd love to read your story! It takes about 3 minutes to get a NO. And it's so fun!

I've never read the book and knowing that's he's just a fly-by member of the forum targeting beginners I've been avoiding Noah with 100% success rate.

This is the first post regarding his book that I've read. Catchy title - cool story.

Reminds me of the first time I read 4-hour workweek by Tim Ferris. He also had some challenges there to grow that confidence muscle.

The whole post reminds of my entrepreneurial pursuits. My wife tells me "you have no shame" and I laugh. That's because I feel very confident asking for things for my business. I am comfortable in any board meeting, public setting, networking - it doesn't matter to me.

But the minute I think of asking for a free coffee, just imagining it... gives me stress. For one, it's someone's business. I feel some deep guilt for taking advantage just because I can. Even it's only a coffee... the principle of it feels wrong.

Do you feel good or bad for having not paid for your free coffees?

Maybe there is a better "alternative" challenge - you ask, if you get a YES, sure - you not only pay for it, but give a 2x tip for the person being a good human?

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

Allow me to re-phrase it. When doing business, if I approach partners, investors, employees - I don't actually feel that I am asking for anything at all. I always feel that I am bringing them something, an opportunity to buy our product, an opportunity to invest in a great PERE deal, an opportunity to work at a great company. When I am "selling" I feel like I am "giving" and not "taking".

Regardless, doing things that aren't comfortable - discomfort - is key to personal growth. Hopefully our moral compass guides us well as we grow.

Tagging: @Kak @Lex DeVille @Black_Dragon43 @MTF @Andy Black @MitchC @NeoDialectic @fastlane_dad @ZCP @biophase - would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

 

[Sofiawicz]

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

In my view, this is absolutely fine because the other person has the right to say no and has the most power in this situation. It is not like robbing them or (put extremely) holding a revolver to their head telling them to serve you some coffee.

Perhaps you could even go a little further and see it as challenging their personal growth too, as saying no is sometimes difficult too but maybe that is just my people pleaser side talking! Haha

 

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[MitchC]

I've never read the book and knowing that's he's just a fly-by member of the forum targeting beginners I've been avoiding Noah with 100% success rate.

This is the first post regarding his book that I've read. Catchy title - cool story.

Reminds me of the first time I read 4-hour workweek by Tim Ferris. He also had some challenges there to grow that confidence muscle.

The whole post reminds of my entrepreneurial pursuits. My wife tells me "you have no shame" and I laugh. That's because I feel very confident asking for things for my business. I am comfortable in any board meeting, public setting, networking - it doesn't matter to me.

But the minute I think of asking for a free coffee, just imagining it... gives me stress. For one, it's someone's business. I feel some deep guilt for taking advantage just because I can. Even it's only a coffee... the principle of it feels wrong.

Do you feel good or bad for having not paid for your free coffees?

Maybe there is a better "alternative" challenge - you ask, if you get a YES, sure - you not only pay for it, but give a 2x tip for the person being a good human?

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

Allow me to re-phrase it. When doing business, if I approach partners, investors, employees - I don't actually feel that I am asking for anything at all. I always feel that I am bringing them something, an opportunity to buy our product, an opportunity to invest in a great PERE deal, an opportunity to work at a great company. When I am "selling" I feel like I am "giving" and not "taking".

Regardless, doing things that aren't comfortable - discomfort - is key to personal growth. Hopefully our moral compass guides us well as we grow.

Tagging: @Kak @Lex DeVille @Black_Dragon43 @MTF @Andy Black @MitchC @NeoDialectic @fastlane_dad @ZCP @biophase - would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

Gross and cringe

Made me thing of this video and the message behind it

Yasin Mammeri on Instagram: "This is the reason you’re scared of sales. It’s also the reason you’re scared to put yourself out there in any area of life. Reacting to @traxnyc here #sales #product #entrepreneur #business #service #salestips #howtogetg

19K likes, 450 comments - viralvideo.club on March 14, 2024: "This is the reason you’re scared of sales. It’s also the reason you’re scared to put yourself out there in any area of life. Reacti...".

www.instagram.com

Maybe buy a coffee and see if you can get a stranger to accept it

Or offer to buy a stranger coffee so they aren’t sketched out by drinking it

Begging for a free coffee, yeah I’d be struggling and embarrassed too

Although I think you are approaching the challenge in a gross and wrong way too by begging

I’ve gotten free drinks etc at bars but I’ve never begged or asked, if you make friends and have a good time with the person then they’ll offer

Actually come to think of it we have gotten free coffee beans from a local cafe and also not been charged for things at another cafe before

That’s probably a better challenge. Become the nice local they don’t even know the name of to the point they don’t charge you anymore

Oh just remembered another time, a cafe did actually give us a free coffee

There’s probably a lesson about sales, providing value, know like and trust, in this post somewhere but I’m too grossed out to talk about this anymore

 

[MitchC]

Actually I will share something else about this

I like watches

I could afford a nice watch at this point

But it seems kind of self indulgent and a little cringe to buy one for myself a wear it

Then I saw in @Rabby thread that he was gifted a Rolex by a client

That became a new personal challenge of mine

Rather than buy myself a watch I want to get a watch for free

Do you think I’m walking into every Rolex dealer asking if I can have a watch for free?

 

[Lex DeVille]

I've never read the book and knowing that's he's just a fly-by member of the forum targeting beginners I've been avoiding Noah with 100% success rate.

This is the first post regarding his book that I've read. Catchy title - cool story.

Reminds me of the first time I read 4-hour workweek by Tim Ferris. He also had some challenges there to grow that confidence muscle.

The whole post reminds of my entrepreneurial pursuits. My wife tells me "you have no shame" and I laugh. That's because I feel very confident asking for things for my business. I am comfortable in any board meeting, public setting, networking - it doesn't matter to me.

But the minute I think of asking for a free coffee, just imagining it... gives me stress. For one, it's someone's business. I feel some deep guilt for taking advantage just because I can. Even it's only a coffee... the principle of it feels wrong.

Do you feel good or bad for having not paid for your free coffees?

Maybe there is a better "alternative" challenge - you ask, if you get a YES, sure - you not only pay for it, but give a 2x tip for the person being a good human?

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

Allow me to re-phrase it. When doing business, if I approach partners, investors, employees - I don't actually feel that I am asking for anything at all. I always feel that I am bringing them something, an opportunity to buy our product, an opportunity to invest in a great PERE deal, an opportunity to work at a great company. When I am "selling" I feel like I am "giving" and not "taking".

Regardless, doing things that aren't comfortable - discomfort - is key to personal growth. Hopefully our moral compass guides us well as we grow.

Tagging: @Kak @Lex DeVille @Black_Dragon43 @MTF @Andy Black @MitchC @NeoDialectic @fastlane_dad @ZCP @biophase - would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

This thread is stupid. OP is building confidence in asking for handouts.

 

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[Andy Black]

I've never read the book and knowing that's he's just a fly-by member of the forum targeting beginners I've been avoiding Noah with 100% success rate.

This is the first post regarding his book that I've read. Catchy title - cool story.

Reminds me of the first time I read 4-hour workweek by Tim Ferris. He also had some challenges there to grow that confidence muscle.

The whole post reminds of my entrepreneurial pursuits. My wife tells me "you have no shame" and I laugh. That's because I feel very confident asking for things for my business. I am comfortable in any board meeting, public setting, networking - it doesn't matter to me.

But the minute I think of asking for a free coffee, just imagining it... gives me stress. For one, it's someone's business. I feel some deep guilt for taking advantage just because I can. Even it's only a coffee... the principle of it feels wrong.

Do you feel good or bad for having not paid for your free coffees?

Maybe there is a better "alternative" challenge - you ask, if you get a YES, sure - you not only pay for it, but give a 2x tip for the person being a good human?

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

Allow me to re-phrase it. When doing business, if I approach partners, investors, employees - I don't actually feel that I am asking for anything at all. I always feel that I am bringing them something, an opportunity to buy our product, an opportunity to invest in a great PERE deal, an opportunity to work at a great company. When I am "selling" I feel like I am "giving" and not "taking".

Regardless, doing things that aren't comfortable - discomfort - is key to personal growth. Hopefully our moral compass guides us well as we grow.

Tagging: @Kak @Lex DeVille @Black_Dragon43 @MTF @Andy Black @MitchC @NeoDialectic @fastlane_dad @ZCP @biophase - would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

I thought the challenge isn't to ask for a free coffee but to ask for a 10% discount?

And the challenge is to ask, get rebuffed, and to realise it's not the end of the world.

My gran used to always ask if they had any free money when she was at the bank teller window, which made everyone laugh.

Thats all it's about @Antifragile. Helping people get over themselves, realise no-one really cares, and that nothing bad happens.

Personally I'm never going to ask for 10% off a coffee. It's cheap anyway in the big scheme of things, and I could just get a loyalty card which gives the 10th coffee free.

Plus I would feel like a bit if a d*ck asking that in a queue of people lining up for a coffee. I think there's a time and a place to get out of your comfort zone, and in my friendly cafe where people know me isn't the time or place.

I always ask for 10% off airport car parking when I book because I do it every month. They always so "Oh, ok." then come back with the reduced rate.

I've personally helped people more by getting them to say Thanks to more people, realise how easy it is to brighten up someone's day and encourage them, and realise how easy it is to build relationships. All from one word, and one sentence explaining why it you're thanking them.

But Noah has been helping thousands of people get started in business and that coffee challenge seems to have had a great impact. Hence him adding it into his book.

I'm less a fan of asking, and more a fan of giving. Maybe if I asked more often I'd have more? But I doubt I'm going to change, thanks.

 

[MitchC]

The challenge isn't to ask for a free coffee. It's to ask for a 10% discount.

And the challenge is to ask, get rebuffed, and to realise it's not the end of the world.

My gran used to always ask if they had any free money when she was at the bank teller window, which made everyone laugh.

Thats all it's about @Antifragile. Helping people get over themselves, realise no-one really cares, and that nothing bad happens.

Personally I'm never going to ask for 10% off a coffee. It's cheap anyway in the big scheme of things, and I could just get a loyalty card which gibes the 10th coffee free.

I always ask for 10% off airport car parking when I book because I do it every month. They always so "Oh, ok." then come back with the reduced rate.

I've personally helped people more by getting them to say Thanks to more people, and realise how easy it is to brighten up someone's day, encourage them to keep going, and build relationships. All from one word, and one sentence explaining why it helped you.

But Noah has been helping thousands of people get started in business and that coffee challenge seems to have had a great impact. Hence him adding it into his book.

Asking the bank for free money is hilarious

This is cringe

People need to stop listening to these internet guru weirdos

I would never be able to go to that coffee shop again if that was me

How is that supposed to build self esteem?

Op is going into a coffee shop, asking for a free coffee and then leaving

With the intention someone eventually says yes?

I can just picture how awkward and confusing this interaction is for everyone

 

[Andy Black]

Asking the bank for free money is hilarious

This is cringe

People need to stop listening to these internet guru weirdos

I would never be able to go to that coffee shop again if that was me

How is that supposed to build self esteem?

Op is going into a coffee shop, asking for a free coffee and then leaving

With the intention someone eventually says yes?

I can just picture how awkward and confusing this interaction is for everyone

The intention isn't to get a Yes. The intention is to get a No and realise it wasn't as cringe as they thought. The ground didn't open and swallow them up.

With that realisation people apparently get a new found confidence and are able to put themselves out there a bit more.

I think you guys (and maybe OP) are misunderstanding what the challenge is and it's purpose.

People in Noah's community report back that they were scared sh*tless to ask, did it anyway, got rejected, and realise their mind was playing tricks on them. It wasn't so bad after all.

Challenge over.

Now onto the next step in Noah's blueprint that seems to have helped thousands of people.

I listened to the book and liked it. I found myself nodding at many points, maybe disagreeing slightly at other points, but believing it's good enough for me to refer people to.

I like Noah and he doesn't come across as a guru to me. He even talks quite a bit about how he's annoyed at all the advice pushed out there by people who don't have a track record of achieving by following said advice.

 

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[MitchC]

The intention isn't to get a Yes. The intention is to get a No and realise it wasn't as cringe as they thought. The ground didn't open and swallow them up.

With that realisation people apparently get a new found confidence and are able to put themselves out there a bit more.

I think you guys (and maybe OP) are misunderstanding what the challenge is and it's purpose.

People in Noah's community report back that they were scared sh*tless to ask, did it anyway, got rejected, and realise their mind was playing tricks on them. It wasn't so bad after all.

Challenge over.

Now onto the next step in Noah's blueprint that seems to have helped thousands of people.

I listened to the book and liked it. I found myself nodding at many points, maybe disagreeing slightly at other points, but believing it's good enough for me to refer people to.

I like Noah and he doesn't come across as a guru to me. He even talks quite a bit about how he's annoyed at all the advice pushed out there by people who don't have a track record of achieving by following said advice.

I read the first interaction and didn’t even read the rest of the post, just read it now, not as bad as I thought actually

 

[Black_Dragon43]

I've never read the book and knowing that's he's just a fly-by member of the forum targeting beginners I've been avoiding Noah with 100% success rate.

This is the first post regarding his book that I've read. Catchy title - cool story.

Reminds me of the first time I read 4-hour workweek by Tim Ferris. He also had some challenges there to grow that confidence muscle.

The whole post reminds of my entrepreneurial pursuits. My wife tells me "you have no shame" and I laugh. That's because I feel very confident asking for things for my business. I am comfortable in any board meeting, public setting, networking - it doesn't matter to me.

But the minute I think of asking for a free coffee, just imagining it... gives me stress. For one, it's someone's business. I feel some deep guilt for taking advantage just because I can. Even it's only a coffee... the principle of it feels wrong.

Do you feel good or bad for having not paid for your free coffees?

Maybe there is a better "alternative" challenge - you ask, if you get a YES, sure - you not only pay for it, but give a 2x tip for the person being a good human?

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

Allow me to re-phrase it. When doing business, if I approach partners, investors, employees - I don't actually feel that I am asking for anything at all. I always feel that I am bringing them something, an opportunity to buy our product, an opportunity to invest in a great PERE deal, an opportunity to work at a great company. When I am "selling" I feel like I am "giving" and not "taking".

Regardless, doing things that aren't comfortable - discomfort - is key to personal growth. Hopefully our moral compass guides us well as we grow.

Tagging: @Kak @Lex DeVille @Black_Dragon43 @MTF @Andy Black @MitchC @NeoDialectic @fastlane_dad @ZCP @biophase - would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

You’re not the only one. I’d never do that, I’d be utterly ashamed. When someone asks me for something for free, I almost pull out a bat and start chasing them — metaphorically speaking, for all the politically correct snowflakes who may read this.

I can imagine others feeling the same. In my opinion there is nothing more demeaning than someone feeling entitled to your work for free. It almost feels like slavery.

Re: Noah, I skimmed through his new book. Not a fan. Just more candy for the masses. He’s mostly a guru that speaks to the lowest common denominator, even his presence on the forum had little respect for the community, it was all a big take, thinly veiled as giving. Not sure why MJ even allowed it.

As a sidenote, I’ve always paid even when I had a free chat with forum members or asked them for advice. Even when they insisted they didn’t want any payment. It’s just not right otherwise.

 

[Andy Black]

I read the first interaction and didn’t even read the rest of the post, just read it now, not as bad as I thought actually

I never read it either. I just have and I think OP does understand the purpose of the challenge, and had some wholesome interactions because of it. Well done @harumi

 

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[Antifragile]

Ok, got it.

Now go get a free car.

 

[SDE]

The intention was not to get a free coffee/handout but to see that rejection doesn't kill you.


Good for the OP

 

[Andy Black]

The intention is to ask for 10% off. Not to ask for it for free.

The book is supposed to be for the masses. He's helping people get started. Most of the problems people have getting started are related to their mindset and belief it's big, scary, and complicated.

 

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[MTF]

I've never read the book and knowing that's he's just a fly-by member of the forum targeting beginners I've been avoiding Noah with 100% success rate.

This is the first post regarding his book that I've read. Catchy title - cool story.

Reminds me of the first time I read 4-hour workweek by Tim Ferris. He also had some challenges there to grow that confidence muscle.

The whole post reminds of my entrepreneurial pursuits. My wife tells me "you have no shame" and I laugh. That's because I feel very confident asking for things for my business. I am comfortable in any board meeting, public setting, networking - it doesn't matter to me.

But the minute I think of asking for a free coffee, just imagining it... gives me stress. For one, it's someone's business. I feel some deep guilt for taking advantage just because I can. Even it's only a coffee... the principle of it feels wrong.

Do you feel good or bad for having not paid for your free coffees?

Maybe there is a better "alternative" challenge - you ask, if you get a YES, sure - you not only pay for it, but give a 2x tip for the person being a good human?

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

Allow me to re-phrase it. When doing business, if I approach partners, investors, employees - I don't actually feel that I am asking for anything at all. I always feel that I am bringing them something, an opportunity to buy our product, an opportunity to invest in a great PERE deal, an opportunity to work at a great company. When I am "selling" I feel like I am "giving" and not "taking".

Regardless, doing things that aren't comfortable - discomfort - is key to personal growth. Hopefully our moral compass guides us well as we grow.

Tagging: @Kak @Lex DeVille @Black_Dragon43 @MTF @Andy Black @MitchC @NeoDialectic @fastlane_dad @ZCP @biophase - would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.

I used to be extremely insecure when I was a teenager. I was that weird outsider most people stayed away from and probably laughed at him when he wasn't around to hear. In particular, I was deathly afraid of women.

I eventually grew tired of it and decided to do something about it.

That's how I got into the pick-up world.

I know it's cheesy and possibly creepy today but it was one of the best things that happened in my life.

I recruited a friend who also struggled with shyness and we got to work. To get out of my comfort zone, I had to start with the easiest things.

I asked multiple women for the time. Then I asked for the time with a phone in my hand or directly under a clock tower. Then I asked for directions even though I knew exactly where I was.

Then I started approaching hostesses in a mall offering free samples and stuff like that so that I would always have a good excuse to talk to them and they couldn't reject me.

Then I started approaching random girls with my friend and asking them for opinions about random things. After a while this became easy but neither my friend nor I could approach a girl solo (because we used each other as a crutch).

So eventually we started hanging out at the local college campus and decided to start approaching girls solo and directly, without any stupid pick-up lines.

I still remember the first girl I approached this way. She was sitting alone on a bench. When I saw her I knew that this was it. I had to do it.

In the pick-up world back then everyone was aware of the 3-second rule: when you saw a girl you found attractive, you HAD to approach her within 3 seconds. Otherwise your brain would come up with excuses and you'd psych yourself out.

So I went over to her. She looked up at me. I said in in a shaking voice: "Hey, I just saw you and realized I had to talk with you because you're very pretty."

My heart was racing like crazy. I was sweating. What the F*ck did I expect? What am I supposed to say now?

And to my shock, she smiled, introduced herself and invited me to sit with her.

Remember: a year or two before I couldn't speak with a female classmate. And now I was approaching a random hot girl on a college campus and she was actually receptive!

We chatted for a few minutes and I was no doubt super awkward. I knew it was time for the final challenge: I had to ask her for her phone number. I did so and to my utter shock, she not only gave me her phone number but was also visibly interested in a date.

I left her to enjoy the weather and joined my friend, feeling like a F*cking god (in the pick-up circles we called this state "God Mode" - the mental state where you don't give a F*ck about any societal rules and can do whatever).

Over the next months I kept challenging myself and approaching girls in more and more difficult situations, often with the sole purpose of getting rejected.

I would run across the street just to approach a girl I saw on the other side. I was with a group of friends on that day and they were shocked (and maybe creeped out) by what I did. But one guy was super interested in my ability to approach girls. Suddenly, from the most insecure weirdo ever I became a role model to some guy.

I would approach a girl shopping with her mother (and respectfully asking the mother first if it was fine to talk to her daughter).

I would approach the bitchiest-looking girls just to get rejected (my friend excelled at it more than I did).

I would approach girls while I was dressed like shit but also dressed to the nines (in that period, I experimented with my style and was wearing suits on a daily basis just because).

I even approached girls who lived nearby who I knew by sight, probably further cementing my reputation as the neighborhood's weirdo.

One day while I was waiting for a friend in a shopping mall I chatted up a girl sitting on a bench. We had a fun conversation as she was super chill. When I asked her for the phone number she said she was 16 (she didn't look her age at all). I dodged a bullet there, lol.

I had many fun stories like that and it was so freeing to just be able to chat up any girl I wanted.

I eventually approached a girl passing by, we had a date the next day, and she's been my girlfriend for 11 years now.

Was I a nuisance to at least some of the girls I approached? Probably yes (though I was always respectful and treated every "no" seriously and immediately left alone any girl who wasn't interested).

Was I creepy? Probably to some, yes.

Was it cringe-worthy what I did? Probably to some people, too.

And yet, if it weren't for all those things, I'd probably be an utter loser today. And just to emphasize: I wasn't doing anything wrong, illegal, or immoral. I was just breaking some made-up societal rules.

All these approaches had taught me important social skills but most importantly, they taught me not to give a F*ck.

I never asked for free coffee but I've done plenty of things that are considered eccentric that would make you uncomfortable.

I don't care. I can't help being a weirdo.

And from my experience, the more eccentric you are, the less you give a F*ck and that gives you immense freedom. You're no longer bound by any rules and nothing limits you as it does those who instantly get embarrassed when they do something even slightly out of the ordinary.

I posted a thread about this a long time ago:

Questioning Societal Dogmas for Entertainment, Education, and Inspiration

There are many unwritten rules people follow, never questioning if they really make sense. Questioning these dogmas is a great way to expand your comfort zone, have fun, learn something new, and challenge the beliefs of other people, perhaps inspiring some of them to explore alternative...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

If asking for free coffee helped @harumi liberate his mind, that's awesome.

I'd rather do something with a better reward (like a date with a hot girl) or something that really F*cks with other people and is hilarious (like some of the reactions people have seeing me walking barefoot in public).

I no longer approach girls since I'm in a relationship but I still like chatting people up and doing weird or random things (leaving huge tips, giving strange but fun gifts, making friends with people working in places that I visit often, asking to customize items from the menu).

I think the world would be a better place if everyone understood that we all live in a stupid Matrix of our own creation.

Why does it make you uncomfortable to read about someone asking for free coffee? Because it breaks some made-up rule in your mind that asking for something for free is taboo.

The person is free to refuse. And if they accept and give you a free coffee, what in your mind is almost like stealing, in their mind it might make their day (you do feel good when you give, don't you?).

There's this fun book Rejection Proof and an accompanying website with all the challenges he did:

100 Days of Rejection — Rejection Therapy

www.rejectiontherapy.com

There's a lot of gold there if someone's worried too much about rejection and/or societal norms.

 

[NervesOfSteel]

the other person has the right to say no and has the most power in this situation.

They only have the power to decide whether to donate to the beggar.

And, you made your first sale! You sold yourself as a beggar for a cup of free coffee!

LOL

 

[Simon Angel]

Ok, got it.

Now go get a free car.


View attachment 54938

I could see it work. If you try it enough times they'll hire you in a car dealership where you'll realize selling things of actual value is much easier than asking for free things, and manage to close some great deals for them. After which they give you a "free" $2000 car as a commission.

I've been avoiding this influencer too, but this method does seem to open opportunities for beginners and teaches them something you can only acquire through experience.

 

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[Simon Angel]

I used to be extremely insecure when I was a teenager. I was that weird outsider most people stayed away from and probably laughed at him when he wasn't around to hear. In particular, I was deathly afraid of women.

I eventually grew tired of it and decided to do something about it.

That's how I got into the pick-up world.

I know it's cheesy and possibly creepy today but it was one of the best things that happened in my life.

I recruited a friend who also struggled with shyness and we got to work. To get out of my comfort zone, I had to start with the easiest things.

I asked multiple women for the time. Then I asked for the time with a phone in my hand or directly under a clock tower. Then I asked for directions even though I knew exactly where I was.

Then I started approaching hostesses in a mall offering free samples and stuff like that so that I would always have a good excuse to talk to them and they couldn't reject me.

Then I started approaching random girls with my friend and asking them for opinions about random things. After a while this became easy but neither my friend nor I could approach a girl solo (because we used each other as a crutch).

So eventually we started hanging out at the local college campus and decided to start approaching girls solo and directly, without any stupid pick-up lines.

I still remember the first girl I approached this way. She was sitting alone on a bench. When I saw her I knew that this was it. I had to do it.

In the pick-up world back then everyone was aware of the 3-second rule: when you saw a girl you found attractive, you HAD to approach her within 3 seconds. Otherwise your brain would come up with excuses and you'd psych yourself out.

So I went over to her. She looked up at me. I said in in a shaking voice: "Hey, I just saw you and realized I had to talk with you because you're very pretty."

My heart was racing like crazy. I was sweating. What the F*ck did I expect? What am I supposed to say now?

And to my shock, she smiled, introduced herself and invited me to sit with her.

Remember: a year or two before I couldn't speak with a female classmate. And now I was approaching a random hot girl on a college campus and she was actually receptive!

We chatted for a few minutes and I was no doubt super awkward. I knew it was time for the final challenge: I had to ask her for her phone number. I did so and to my utter shock, she not only gave me her phone number but was also visibly interested in a date.

I left her to enjoy the weather and joined my friend, feeling like a F*cking god (in the pick-up circles we called this state "God Mode" - the mental state where you don't give a F*ck about any societal rules and can do whatever).

Over the next months I kept challenging myself and approaching girls in more and more difficult situations, often with the sole purpose of getting rejected.

I would run across the street just to approach a girl I saw on the other side. I was with a group of friends on that day and they were shocked (and maybe creeped out) by what I did. But one guy was super interested in my ability to approach girls. Suddenly, from the most insecure weirdo ever I became a role model to some guy.

I would approach a girl shopping with her mother (and respectfully asking the mother first if it was fine to talk to her daughter).

I would approach the bitchiest-looking girls just to get rejected (my friend excelled at it more than I did).

I would approach girls while I was dressed like shit but also dressed to the nines (in that period, I experimented with my style and was wearing suits on a daily basis just because).

I even approached girls who lived nearby who I knew by sight, probably further cementing my reputation as the neighborhood's weirdo.

One day while I was waiting for a friend in a shopping mall I chatted up a girl sitting on a bench. We had a fun conversation as she was super chill. When I asked her for the phone number she said she was 16 (she didn't look her age at all). I dodged a bullet there, lol.

I had many fun stories like that and it was so freeing to just be able to chat up any girl I wanted.

I eventually approached a girl passing by, we had a date the next day, and she's been my girlfriend for 11 years now.

Was I a nuisance to at least some of the girls I approached? Probably yes (though I was always respectful and treated every "no" seriously and immediately left alone any girl who wasn't interested).

Was I creepy? Probably to some, yes.

Was it cringe-worthy what I did? Probably to some people, too.

And yet, if it weren't for all those things, I'd probably be an utter loser today. And just to emphasize: I wasn't doing anything wrong, illegal, or immoral. I was just breaking some made-up societal rules.

All these approaches had taught me important social skills but most importantly, they taught me not to give a F*ck.

I never asked for free coffee but I've done plenty of things that are considered eccentric that would make you uncomfortable.

I don't care. I can't help being a weirdo.

And from my experience, the more eccentric you are, the less you give a F*ck and that gives you immense freedom. You're no longer bound by any rules and nothing limits you as it does those who instantly get embarrassed when they do something even slightly out of the ordinary.

I posted a thread about this a long time ago:

Questioning Societal Dogmas for Entertainment, Education, and Inspiration

There are many unwritten rules people follow, never questioning if they really make sense. Questioning these dogmas is a great way to expand your comfort zone, have fun, learn something new, and challenge the beliefs of other people, perhaps inspiring some of them to explore alternative...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

If asking for free coffee helped @harumi liberate his mind, that's awesome.

I'd rather do something with a better reward (like a date with a hot girl) or something that really F*cks with other people and is hilarious (like some of the reactions people have seeing me walking barefoot in public).

I no longer approach girls since I'm in a relationship but I still like chatting people up and doing weird or random things (leaving huge tips, giving strange but fun gifts, making friends with people working in places that I visit often, asking to customize items from the menu).

I think the world would be a better place if everyone understood that we all live in a stupid Matrix of our own creation.

Why does it make you uncomfortable to read about someone asking for free coffee? Because it breaks some made-up rule in your mind that asking for something for free is taboo.

The person is free to refuse. And if they accept and give you a free coffee, what in your mind is almost like stealing, in their mind it might make their day (you do feel good when you give, don't you?).

There's this fun book Rejection Proof and an accompanying website with all the challenges he did:

100 Days of Rejection — Rejection Therapy

www.rejectiontherapy.com

There's a lot of gold there if someone's worried too much about rejection and/or societal norms.

I recently moved to a city with my girlfriend where we don't know anyone. Except she has a work circle here and I got F*ck all since I'm doing my own thing.

Now, I still get to see my friends back home once or twice a month and I've got a lot of people I chat/talk with on a regular basis over the phone, but it isn't quite the same.

So I've been chatting up people everywhere. Local supermarket, the mall, the flower shop, whatever. Mostly women have been receptive since guys are all watching Andrew Tate now and I can smell it from a mile away.

I chatted with the woman at the flower shop about her cute dog. We also have a dog, so now every time I go past that flower shop I greet her and ask how her dog is doing. We often have a short convo about that and I go on with my day.

Then, I went to the mall to get my watch's bracelet resized. There was a store with attractive women around my age, so of course that's where I was gonna be.

I helped them resize it since they had no experience with this particular brand (the bracelet had some unusual intricacies) but it was taking me a long time to get it off the watch. So they asked me: "Do you want us to try?"

Me: "No, I got it. My hands just tend to get shaky in the presence of attractive women."

They laughed and said something back which I don't remember. But they got even closer to observe what I was doing and sat next to me. Eventually, I got it, and after they cheered me for doing it, I asked if they were hiring since I clearly have the skills and am interested in watches and beautiful women. - "Sorry, girls only!"

Anyway, I told them I was new to the city and asked what else is there to do other than going to bars and nightclubs.

They: Oh, you can go to the cinema, the theatre, go for a walk in X park near the beach, etc...

Me: Sweet. I'll do that. In fact, maybe we can do it together?

They: Haha, maybe.

Me: And hey, if I get bored, I'll just come back here so we can resize bracelets together!

They: *laugh* You're welcome any time!

And they gave me a discount.

Yesterday, I was at the local supermarket and there was a pretty girl who was hired by one of many cigarette companies to, I assume, bait people into buying said cigarettes. I doubt they give free samples. Anyway, I don't smoke, but it had that "here's a free sample" energy to it.

I wasn't honestly in the mood to talk, so I just grabbed some eggs and water and headed to the checkout. However, after some hesitance, the girl asked me "Excuse me, sir, do you smoke?"

- "No, life is already too busy trying to kill me every day."

*cashier laughs, sample girl seemed lost for words*

- "But now that I saw you, I gotta say I do feel an urge to take up smoking."

(It was supposed to be a joke, but the girl straight-up took it as a compliment.)

Her: Oh, thank you very much!

I also generously tip everyone. I used to do that even when I didn't have a lot of money. It just feels good to brighten up people's day and break up their routine by saying/doing something unpredictable that they can tell or laugh with their friends about.

And it's genuinely a cool way to meet people, too (not the tipping part, lol).

 

[Sofiawicz]

They only have the power to decide whether to donate to the beggar.

And, you made your first sale! You sold yourself as a beggar for a cup of free coffee!

LOL

Don't know. I might be the only one in this thread not being that shocked by asking for a free coffee. Would I do it without such a challenge ? No, because I would not want to be rejected and because I have no reason to do it in the first place.

But do I find it that terrible to do it ? Actually, no. I believe people have the right to ask, just as people have the right to say no if they do not find it ok. And see, two people said yes. In the end, maybe they were happy to offer a coffee to somebody. They made a small, positive difference in @harumi 's life by giving away something that costs nothing

For those interested, Tim Ferriss has the same kind of challenges helping to become comfortable with awkwardness (in the end the idea is similar): he suggests to lie on the ground in a coffee, just like that. For those that cringe about asking for a discount / a free cup ! @harumi : next level ? :-D

 

[NervesOfSteel]

Don't know. I might be the only one in this thread not being that shocked by asking for a free coffee. Would I do it without such a challenge ? No, because I would not want to be rejected and because I have no reason to do it in the first place.

But do I find it that terrible to do it ? Actually, no. I believe people have the right to ask, just as people have the right to say no if they do not find it ok. And see, two people said yes. In the end, maybe they were happy to offer a coffee to somebody. They made a small, positive difference in @harumi 's life by giving away something that costs nothing

For those interested, Tim Ferriss has the same kind of challenges helping to become comfortable with awkwardness (in the end the idea is similar): he suggests to lie on the ground in a coffee, just like that. For those that cringe about asking for a discount / a free cup ! @harumi : next level ? :-D

Do you want to overcome your fear of rejection? Try door-to-door selling!

Begging for coffee will only sharpen your skills as a beggar, not sales!

If you wanna be an entrepreneur, stay away from instant millionaire books and courses!

 

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[Antifragile]

Why does it make you uncomfortable to read about someone asking for free coffee? Because it breaks some made-up rule in your mind that asking for something for free is taboo.

Hardly!

I was pick pocketed when I just arrived in London UK one day back in 1999. I had no money, nothing. One of those “oh F*ck … what do I do now?” (not my home country!).

Not only I asked for cash, got myself free transit by talking to the ticket booth guy, I also walked into a shitty hostel where I planned to stay the night (and pay for it)… and got a free lodging, food and just enough cash to get to my destination across the country by train. (FYI, I returned the money to the hostel a month later... so technically not free).

Asking when you need something is 100% ok.

You were a shy uncomfortable hormonal teenager who needed to get laid. So you did the right thing!

Here’s someone seemingly not in need of a coffee, but his/her personal desire to learn rejection > than barista’s time & shop owners coffee.

Coffee shop is a business. It’s hard enough without people wasting your time and resources. Don’t waste other people’s time.

So no, we aren’t talking about the same thing.

Maybe I’m blessed for not being shy and I don’t understand other people’s challenges with this. But I still cringe at this particular ask. My “taboo” is born out of desire not to waste others time and money just because it’s good for me.

 

[MTF]

Here’s someone seemingly not in need of a coffee, but his/her personal desire to learn rejection > than barista’s time & shop owners coffee.

Coffee shop is a business. It’s hard enough without people wasting your time and resources. Don’t waste other people’s time.

So no, we aren’t talking about the same thing.

Maybe I’m blessed for not being shy and I don’t understand other people’s challenges with this. But I still cringe at this particular ask. My “taboo” is born out of desire not to waste others time and money just because it’s good for me.

Okay, I understand this point. I don't fully agree as you may just as well go there to ask what they have for sale and then not buy anything. You're also wasting their time then, deliberately or not. So I don't see much of a difference here.

But I'm also a guy who will waste people's time practicing their native language and refusing to speak English so I'm probably not qualified to talk about this topic lol.

 

[Antifragile]

Okay, I understand this point. I don't fully agree as you may just as well go there to ask what they have for sale and then not buy anything. You're also wasting their time then, deliberately or not. So I don't see much of a difference here.

I guess the intent matters... I may intend to buy something on sale but not at full price, so asking seems ok.

There probably isn't some strict line here either, I just found it odd enough to post a reply.

I'll add this: for anyone who starts a business - trust me! - you'll get your rejection therapy!
You'll have more practice than you wish.

These days for me it's high stakes business rejections. Epic roller coaster of no, no, maybe, no, maybe, no, no no... YES! no, no ... maybe , no ... You have to tweak your approach, what you offer, how you offer constantly.

There, no need for a guru book, OP, I said it here for free - go start a business dear young reader! It'll give you the experience you need right after you needed it the most!

But I'm also a guy who will waste people's time practicing their native language and refusing to speak English so I'm probably not qualified to talk about this topic lol.

 

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[ZCP]

We had a thread a few years ago where a member wanted to get out of their comfort zone. cold showers, hard work, etc. the ONE thing that really got him was when we challenged him to always ask for a discount. his observations and the duality of how the world opened / closed was a really good read. it REALLY was a challenge for him. you remember that thread @Andy Black ?

here it is ...

HOT! - MINDSET - Crushing the Comfort Zone

I've been thinking (and researching) about comfort zones and how they can hinder your ability to grow as a person. There is also evidence that your business can stall/suffer if you stay in the comfort zone too long. My research is starting to convince me that pushing yourself and your business...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

 

[Johnny boy]

If you instinctively run towards your discomfort and social fears, you will build up one of the most important traits you can have, saying yes to that little voice that whispers to you that would result in growth, and shutting up that voice that screams just to not rock the boat and do what would help you fit in.

Keep going. Do it all the time.

It’s the little moments each day where we have an idea, it rises up, 49% of the way there, and we push it back down for some illogical, weak reason.

Doing this sort of thing will give you that 1-2% push to get you over the edge and take action. It makes all the difference.

When there’s a business to start, a contact to call, a mountain to climb, a girl to ask out, or something that needs to be said, you will do it when others go 49% of the way there and then back down.

My life rocks specifically because of my ability to do that. And I’m not even that good at it.

This is 100% a great idea, keep going, and the people talking shit just makes it a better idea because you get to practice some social ostracism while you’re at it. Everybody talks about going left when others go right, except when the chips are down and it’s actually happening.

What you need to do next is realize everyone’s an npc and start just doing whatever you feel like and being amused by it all.

You need to train your brain to flip that switch and kill the resistance. It’s a superpower.