Leaning into rejection: Asking for free coffee.

[NervesOfSteel]

We had a thread a few years ago where a member wanted to get out of their comfort zone. cold showers, hard work, etc. the ONE thing that really got him was when we challenged him to always ask for a discount. his observations and the duality of how the world opened / closed was a really good read. it REALLY was a challenge for him. you remember that thread @Andy Black ?

here it is ...

HOT! - MINDSET - Crushing the Comfort Zone

I've been thinking (and researching) about comfort zones and how they can hinder your ability to grow as a person. There is also evidence that your business can stall/suffer if you stay in the comfort zone too long. My research is starting to convince me that pushing yourself and your business...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

"Comfort zone" is the luxury of being deliberately spoiled in westlands!


LOL

 

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[RightyTighty]

The intention isn't to get a Yes. The intention is to get a No and realise it wasn't as cringe as they thought. The ground didn't open and swallow them up.

I get it. I had several prototypes of an invention that needed field testing in small businesses last year and was dreading the cold calling. I finally went out one afternoon and got four “No’s”. I came home as exhilarated as if I’d been handed money. I couldn’t believe how liberating it was to have pushed through. I crushed it after that first day, and I’ve been bullet-proof ever since.

Now as for asking for free stuff…..unless I was truly in a position where there were no options, that would be more about trying to overcome my decades-old sense of values than any social hurdles. Not judging anyone, it’s just not me.

 

[Subsonic]

Just wanted to say, I like the original post from OP.

It was a great read and I could relate the struggle to my experience of doing d2d sales.

Imo there is nothing wrong with asking for a free coffee. It has nothing to do with entitlement or begging if the point is to get rejected.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I love this exercise as it serves a great purpose and, as @Johnny boy said, activates a superpower for life— that superpower is having no fear in rejection or fears of breaking societal norms.

Entrepreneurship is a break of societal norms.
Being fit and ignoring fast-food mass media is a break of societal norms.

While asking for 10% off (or some other discount) would be just as effective, the "free" ask is more cringe which really ramps up the superpower. And since the person being asked can simply say NO! I don't view it as a huge problem.

Unlike buying a coffee completely naked (also cringe and a break of societal norms) that can be viewed as an assault on anyone nearby, not to mention illegal.

 

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[MakeItHappen]

It was a great read and I could relate the struggle to my experience of doing d2d sales.

@Subsonic How long did it take you to get "rejection proof" in d2d?
I am thinking about getting into d2d for a couple of months to become more immune to rejection while increasing my sales skills and earning money along the way.

 

[fastlane_dad]

But the minute I think of asking for a free coffee, just imagining it... gives me stress. For one, it's someone's business. I feel some deep guilt for taking advantage just because I can. Even it's only a coffee... the principle of it feels wrong.

Do you feel good or bad for having not paid for your free coffees?

Maybe there is a better "alternative" challenge - you ask, if you get a YES, sure - you not only pay for it, but give a 2x tip for the person being a good human?

Would be curious to get other forum members to chime in here. As I cringe at getting a free coffee knowing I should pay for it... is it just me? Anyone else cringes?

Allow me to re-phrase it. When doing business, if I approach partners, investors, employees - I don't actually feel that I am asking for anything at all. I always feel that I am bringing them something, an opportunity to buy our product, an opportunity to invest in a great PERE deal, an opportunity to work at a great company. When I am "selling" I feel like I am "giving" and not "taking".

Regardless, doing things that aren't comfortable - discomfort - is key to personal growth. Hopefully our moral compass guides us well as we grow.

Asking when you need something is 100% ok.

Here’s someone seemingly not in need of a coffee, but his/her personal desire to learn rejection > than barista’s time & shop owners coffee.

Coffee shop is a business. It’s hard enough without people wasting your time and resources. Don’t waste other people’s time.

So no, we aren’t talking about the same thing.

Maybe I’m blessed for not being shy and I don’t understand other people’s challenges with this. But I still cringe at this particular ask. My “taboo” is born out of desire not to waste others time and money just because it’s good for me.

I love this exercise as it serves a great purpose and, as @Johnny boy said, activates a superpower for life— that superpower is having no fear in rejection or fears of breaking societal norms.

Entrepreneurship is a break of societal norms.
Being fit and ignoring fast-food mass media is a break of societal norms.

While asking for 10% off (or some other discount) would be just as effective, the "free" ask is more cringe which really ramps up the superpower. And since the person being asked can simply say NO! I don't view it as a huge problem.

Unlike buying a coffee completely naked (also cringe and a break of societal norms) that can be viewed as an assault on anyone nearby, not to mention illegal.

I have many thoughts on this. As an exercise , this is totally OK to me, the other person can say 'NO' and you can build up your rejection quotas or whatever you want to call it.

To me, the way I'm programmed - I don't feel like I 'deserve' anything where I'm not giving some value back now or in the future. Part or it lies on my success in every area I strive to be successful in, just the way I'm wired. We're 'owed' nothing.

To me, I would approach this exercise asking for a free coffee - but following up with a strong WHY. To me it's a 'rejection challenge' when I come up with the value I bring to the table, and THEN they say no.

I have zero issues of asking for a free coffee, but I need to provide a reason 'what's in it for them'. Being that I'm a totally cool , charming, good looking human doesn't suffice here. Maybe that would work on the dating / mating field (coming up to a random stranger and asking for their number to go on a date).

I'd love to tell a coffee shop after asking for a FREE coffee how 'I got 1000 employees looking to cater coffee for breakfast after we determine a spot', or something like 'I'm evaluating where to bring my spouse for coffee', or even more basic as 'I forgot my wallet in the house, I will pay back on xxx'.

Can I ask for a free coffee, without stating a reason? Absolutely - but I don't feel entitled to do that, as they have a business to run and I understand that (as @Antifragile implied). I don't expect the 'coffee shop' to read my mind and see what my intentions are with the free coffee, so I must find a way to convey that. It might still fail when I do so, but that to me is the type of game I would like to play.

In the case of asking for it at Starbucks, I'd have even less qualms just straight up asking them - as I know I'm a frequent customer there, they see me daily and I spend hundreds / thousands a year with their business. I might already have the 'value I bring to them' embedded into their store employees.

Maybe that wasn't the point of this thread, and we are supposed to train ourselves to working up to having HUGE asks (walk into BMW dealership and ask for a free car, etc) - but my mind immediately would go to how CAN I walk into a BMW dealership and ask for a free car? I already have a dozen or so ways running through my mind in which that would be possible.

But sure, asking, facing rejection, challenging the status quo is all part of great entrepreneurship and a skill to be hardened.

Defying common, traditional, set in place beliefs, actions and though patterns is what we are all here for to try and improve.

 

[NervesOfSteel]

I have many thoughts on this. As an exercise , this is totally OK to me, the other person can say 'NO' and you can build up your rejection quotas or whatever you want to call it.

To me, the way I'm programmed - I don't feel like I 'deserve' anything where I'm not giving some value back now or in the future. Part or it lies on my success in every area I strive to be successful in, just the way I'm wired. We're 'owed' nothing.

To me, I would approach this exercise asking for a free coffee - but following up with a strong WHY. To me it's a 'rejection challenge' when I come up with the value I bring to the table, and THEN they say no.

I have zero issues of asking for a free coffee, but I need to provide a reason 'what's in it for them'. Being that I'm a totally cool , charming, good looking human doesn't suffice here. Maybe that would work on the dating / mating field (coming up to a random stranger and asking for their number to go on a date).

I'd love to tell a coffee shop after asking for a FREE coffee how 'I got 1000 employees looking to cater coffee for breakfast after we determine a spot', or something like 'I'm evaluating where to bring my spouse for coffee', or even more basic as 'I forgot my wallet in the house, I will pay back on xxx'.

Can I ask for a free coffee, without stating a reason? Absolutely - but I don't feel entitled to do that, as they have a business to run and I understand that (as @Antifragile implied). I don't expect the 'coffee shop' to read my mind and see what my intentions are with the free coffee, so I must find a way to convey that. It might still fail when I do so, but that to me is the type of game I would like to play.

In the case of asking for it at Starbucks, I'd have even less qualms just straight up asking them - as I know I'm a frequent customer there, they see me daily and I spend hundreds / thousands a year with their business. I might already have the 'value I bring to them' embedded into their store employees.

Maybe that wasn't the point of this thread, and we are supposed to train ourselves to working up to having HUGE asks (walk into BMW dealership and ask for a free car, etc) - but my mind immediately would go to how CAN I walk into a BMW dealership and ask for a free car? I already have a dozen or so ways running through my mind in which that would be possible.

But sure, asking, facing rejection, challenging the status quo is all part of great entrepreneurship and a skill to be hardened.

Defying common, traditional, set in place beliefs, actions and though patterns is what we are all here for to try and improve.

I need your product for free. I ask for your product as free instead of coffee … with full control to enjoy your product., limitless, like a cup of coffee?

 

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[Andy Black]

I have many thoughts on this. As an exercise , this is totally OK to me, the other person can say 'NO' and you can build up your rejection quotas or whatever you want to call it.

To me, the way I'm programmed - I don't feel like I 'deserve' anything where I'm not giving some value back now or in the future. Part or it lies on my success in every area I strive to be successful in, just the way I'm wired. We're 'owed' nothing.

To me, I would approach this exercise asking for a free coffee - but following up with a strong WHY. To me it's a 'rejection challenge' when I come up with the value I bring to the table, and THEN they say no.

I have zero issues of asking for a free coffee, but I need to provide a reason 'what's in it for them'. Being that I'm a totally cool , charming, good looking human doesn't suffice here. Maybe that would work on the dating / mating field (coming up to a random stranger and asking for their number to go on a date).

I'd love to tell a coffee shop after asking for a FREE coffee how 'I got 1000 employees looking to cater coffee for breakfast after we determine a spot', or something like 'I'm evaluating where to bring my spouse for coffee', or even more basic as 'I forgot my wallet in the house, I will pay back on xxx'.

Can I ask for a free coffee, without stating a reason? Absolutely - but I don't feel entitled to do that, as they have a business to run and I understand that (as @Antifragile implied). I don't expect the 'coffee shop' to read my mind and see what my intentions are with the free coffee, so I must find a way to convey that. It might still fail when I do so, but that to me is the type of game I would like to play.

In the case of asking for it at Starbucks, I'd have even less qualms just straight up asking them - as I know I'm a frequent customer there, they see me daily and I spend hundreds / thousands a year with their business. I might already have the 'value I bring to them' embedded into their store employees.

Maybe that wasn't the point of this thread, and we are supposed to train ourselves to working up to having HUGE asks (walk into BMW dealership and ask for a free car, etc) - but my mind immediately would go to how CAN I walk into a BMW dealership and ask for a free car? I already have a dozen or so ways running through my mind in which that would be possible.

But sure, asking, facing rejection, challenging the status quo is all part of great entrepreneurship and a skill to be hardened.

Defying common, traditional, set in place beliefs, actions and though patterns is what we are all here for to try and improve.

I think the challenge is to ask for the 10% discount without giving a reason. I suspect getting comfortable with silence is part of the learning - because people have a habit of justifying themselves or backpedalling when they're confronted by silence.

Personally, I'm never going to ask for a free coffee, or 10% off. And I'm never going to suggest my kids do it to "toughen up". I'll suggest they go lend someone a hand who looks like they need it though. Or buy a coffee for the person behind them.

I think there's much more value in learning the power of giving than in learning the power of asking. Even something as simple as giving thanks is immensely powerful and I think most people miss it because it's so simple.

BUT... I do think entrepreneurs and business owners aren't great at asking for help. That's something we can often get better at asking for.

 

[Bounce Back]

How about this: Whether they say yes or no - you buy the coffee.

Exercise still completed and world peace achieved.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I'd love to tell a coffee shop after asking for a FREE coffee how 'I got 1000 employees looking to cater coffee for breakfast after we determine a spot', or something like 'I'm evaluating where to bring my spouse for coffee', or even more basic as 'I forgot my wallet in the house, I will pay back on xxx'.

Can I ask for a free coffee, without stating a reason? Absolutely - but I don't feel entitled to do that, as they have a business to run and I understand that (as @Antifragile implied). I don't expect the 'coffee shop' to read my mind and see what my intentions are with the free coffee, so I must find a way to convey that. It might still fail when I do so, but that to me is the type of game I would like to play.

Perfect middle ground and a definitely a better exercise of FREE in exchange of value.

 

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[fastlane_dad]

I think the challenge is to ask for the 10% discount without giving a reason. I suspect getting comfortable with silence is part of the learning - because people have a habit of justifying themselves or backpedalling when they're confronted by silence.

Personally, I'm never going to ask for a free coffee, or 10% off. And I'm never going to suggest my kids do it to "toughen up". I'll suggest they go lend someone a hand who looks like they need it though. Or buy a coffee for the person behind them.

I think there's much more value in learning the power of giving than in learning the power of asking. Even something as simple as giving thanks is immensely powerful and I think most people miss it because it's so simple.

BUT... I do think entrepreneurs and business owners aren't great at asking for help. That's something we can often get better at asking for.

Well...asking for a discount is just my 'natural course of doing business!'.

I used to do plenty of this in my younger years. Every store I'd walk into with my GF (at the time) - I'd ask for a discount, sometimes going as far as throwing in a 'bluff' of throwing away their 30% off mailer I got (big box corporate stores). Other times I would just ask for a discount, much to my wifes demise of seeming 'embarrassing to do so'.

Discounts I still ask for to this day, especially on big ticket items - the worst they can do is SAY NO! Small purchases I let slide more so now -- and I'm not happy about it!

 

[MitchC]

Well...asking for a discount is just my 'natural course of doing business!'.

I used to do plenty of this in my younger years. Every store I'd walk into with my GF (at the time) - I'd ask for a discount, sometimes going as far as throwing in a 'bluff' of throwing away their 30% off mailer I got (big box corporate stores). Other times I would just ask for a discount, much to my wifes demise of seeming 'embarrassing to do so'.

Discounts I still ask for to this day, especially on big ticket items - the worst they can do is SAY NO! Small purchases I let slide more so now -- and I'm not happy about it!

It’s amazing how little F*cks most of the employees selling these bigger ticket items give

Rather than ask for a discount I’ll always ask “is there any sales on” or “what’s the cheapest price though”

They go on their little computer thing and just give you the lowest price they can they really don’t seem to care

 

[Andy Black]

It’s amazing how little F*cks most of the employees selling these bigger ticket items give

Rather than ask for a discount I’ll always ask “is there any sales on” or “what’s the cheapest price though”

They go on their little computer thing and just give you the lowest price they can they really don’t seem to care

Years ago I ran the Google Ads for the largest insurance broker in Ireland.

I was onsite only two days a week and just sat wherever there was a free desk. Many times I'd be sitting amongst the call center staff.

I remember one time the lady next to me talking to someone who'd rung in about renewing their car insurance. The caller was obviously trying to get a lower price.

"Let me ask my supervisor what I can do."

She puts the caller on hold for 30 seconds and filed her nails.

"I just spoke to him and he said I could knock another 5% off."

She proceeded to take the renewal and wrap up the call.

 

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[Andy Black]

How about this: Whether they say yes or no - you buy the coffee.

Exercise still completed and world peace achieved.

I like this.

You could even put the price of the coffee in the tip jar.

 

[MTF]

Personally, I'm never going to ask for a free coffee, or 10% off. And I'm never going to suggest my kids do it to "toughen up". I'll suggest they go lend someone a hand who looks like they need it though. Or buy a coffee for the person behind them.

I think there's much more value in learning the power of giving than in learning the power of asking. Even something as simple as giving thanks is immensely powerful and I think most people miss it because it's so simple.

Wow that's beautiful. I love it.

They'll make a statue of you one day, Andy.

 

[VirgPsc]

Great story, thanks for sharing

 

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[IronyIsTacky]

Do you want to overcome your fear of rejection? Try door-to-door selling!

Been thinking about this lately... Get your daily cardio out of the way with all that walking, get your sales skills up...for someone young & dumb looking to turn over a new leaf, seems like the move. Get good numbers door-to-door, then use that to shoot for a remote sales job over the phone, use the time you'd save on commuting to figure something loftier out.