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Learnings from 3,000+ PMs with fellow forum members

Anything related to matters of the mind

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To date I've had over 700 PM's with fellow forum members.

I PM to give thanks for following me or for giving me rep.

I always ask how things are going, and strike up a brief conversation.



I've noticed some common themes from these conversations (especially with people trying to get started or trying to "get traction").


My main learnings are that:
  1. People often over-complicate things.

  2. People often get in their own way.

  3. People often believe they can't give value to the forum yet (saying nice things like "I'd love to give back when I can add value.")



Sound familiar?



There's been some classic GOLD threads addressing this, and here's a few:

I wrote a post along similar lines:

And Justin Jackson wrote a great article here:




In my opinion:

  • Over-complicating things, getting in your own way, and not believing you can add value are all symptoms of the same thing.
  • Each of the posts listed above are trying to address this exact same thing.
  • The symptoms above are all related to being "me" centric, and the posts above are all ways to stop being "me" centric.

If your goal is to help others, then things get a lot less complicated.

If your goal is to help others, you're less likely to get in your own way - because you're not even in the picture anymore.

If your goal is to help others, you'll realise that giving thanks to other forum members can add a lot of value to their lives, and to the forum. (We know we should give to receive, but I'd no idea of the power of "giving thanks" until I thanked so many people in the forum.)




A few months ago I decided to "learn to create talking head videos".

I got tangled up that first evening, because my goal was wrong.

My goal was to create a video.

My goal was not to say "thank you" to @SinisterLex for the videos he was adding to the forum.

I screwed up.

I over-complicated things.

I got in my own way.

I believed I couldn't add value to the forum.

All because I was thinking about "me", and not thinking about Lex.




After I gave myself a stern talking to, I created my very first talking head video.

Here it is (and it's very relevant to this thread):





I've done 16 videos so far, and it's not until this evening that I've noticed a common theme.

Here's another video that might help you:






Here's another where I talk about my "founding story"... a story from 2009 that still sends shivers down my spine when I remember it:




I talk a bit more about that story in this radio interview.



Who will you help this week?

Who will you thank today?
Thanks Andy for that info. I have a question that I will ask later.
 
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"Xjev xuamf zua tez jewi ciip vji nutv opgmaipdoph gedvust, ofiet us tvsevihoit vjev jewi mief vu zuas tadditt?"

Siemotoph vjev O emsiefz jewi vji tlommt. Vjev O emsiefz jewi vji lpuxmifhi. Vjev O en tnesv ipuahj. Vjev O en huuf ipuahj. Vjev O lpux ipuahj. Vjev O *en* ipuahj.
:vjanctaq:
 
Vjepl zua gus vjot vjsief. Vjot upi jovt juni gus ni. O tqipv e muv ug voni tqoppoph nz xjiimt vszoph vu gohasi uav xjev vu fu xovj catopitt. O emxezt vjuahjv O xet vszoph vu gopf vji citv xez vu qsuwofi wemai vu qiuqmi, cav O xet siemmz katv vszoph vu gohasi uav vji citv xez vu neli nupiz. Gudatif up NI.

Vji nekus vaspoph quopv gus ni xet xjip O tvuqqif vszoph vu gohasi uav jux vu neli nupiz epf gohasif uav jux vu jimq qiuqmi. Vjot emtu tvesvif gsun e NI cetot. O etlif nztimg "xjev fu O piif jimq xovj?" vjip xuslif cedlxesft gsun vjisi. Tvsephi xez vu gopf e xez vu jimq qiuqmi, cav xi emm jewi qsucmint vjev piif tumwoph.

Topdi vjip O jewi dsievif e jiemvj/muphiwovz dunqepz. O lpux O jewi jiemvj qsucmint O piif tumwif, cav O emtu lpux vjev vjisi esi nommoupt ug uvjist vjev piif jimq vuu.

Vji nusi gudat vjev huit opvu uvjis qiuqmi piift epf mitt up nz uxp, vji nusi vjopht qsuhsitt epf vji nusi dmesovz ug qasquti vjev esotit.

E qsuhsitt vjsief xomm ci dunoph uav tuup. Xjev O jewi huvvip vu vjat ges ot e fosidv sitamv ug xjev O jewi miespif gsun vjot gusan.

Tu vjeplt :)
 
Xusvj e canq. Vjisi't e muv ug pix qiuqmi op vji gusan sidipvmz epf O tvomm tii vji teni qevvispt xjip O QN vjin.
 
Tuniupi katv QN'f ni egvis siefoph vjot qutv, etloph jux vu miesp vu howi xovjuav iyqidvevoup ug epzvjoph op sivasp.

Jisi't nz siqmz:


Jux vu miesp vu howi xovjuav xepvoph epzvjoph op sivasp?

Cecz tviqt. :)



Tnomi gostv.

Tez jimmu gostv.

Tez vjepl zua.

Howi e Moli.

Tipf tuni Siq.


Tvsoli aq e gsoipfmz dupwistevoup xovj tuniupi xju muult cusif us ot jewoph e cef fez ev xusl.

Jumf e fuus uqip gus tuniupi.

Jimq tuniupi xovj vjios tjuqqoph.

Howi tuni nupiz vu e junimitt qistup.

Voq e xeovis us xeovsitt cohhis vjep pusnem.

Howi e jovdj-jolis e mogv.

Fuacmi cedl epf howi e jovdj-jolis e mogv.

Fsuq vjin gasvjis vuxesft vjios fitvopevoup vjep zua piifif vu.



Neli tuniupi tnomi.

Jewi e meahj xovj tuniupi.

Qav zuas jepf up tuniupi't tjuamfis epf muul vjin op vji izi xjip zua tez tussz.

Qav zuas qjupi fuxp xjip tuniupi vemlt vu zua.



Tvesv tnemm.

Tii vji iggidv zuas edvoupt jewi up uvjist.

Giim vjuti podi giimopht xovjop zuastimg gus fuoph ov.

Dsievi ep oncemepdi op vji xusmf.

Og zua huv tunivjoph cedl iedj voni zua jimqif tuniupi, vjip iedj vseptedvoup xuamf ci dunqmivi.

Jewi geovj ov xomm duni cedl vu zua.



Moli iwiszvjoph, katv tvesv.



Ov't ciip teof O mowi op e "tappz movvmi xusmf".

O fofp'v siemoti O fof apvom vjiz'f teof ov.

O fofp'v siemoti tuni qiuqmi mowif op fesl movvmi xusmft.

Nz xusmf siwumwit esuapf neloph uvjis qiuqmi't fezt e cov tappois.

O tnomi gostv.

Vjiz tnomi cedl.

O mowi op e xusmf ug tnomoph qiuqmi.

Vjev't qsivvz huuf gus tvesvist ij? :)
Zuas xogi natv ci e jeqqz mefz, Epfz! Zua lpux jux vu vsiev qiuqmi ximm.
 
Tuniupi katv QN'f ni egvis siefoph vjot qutv, etloph jux vu miesp vu howi xovjuav iyqidvevoup ug epzvjoph op sivasp.

Jisi't nz siqmz:


Jux vu miesp vu howi xovjuav xepvoph epzvjoph op sivasp?

Cecz tviqt. :)



Tnomi gostv.

Tez jimmu gostv.

Tez vjepl zua.

Howi e Moli.

Tipf tuni Siq.


Tvsoli aq e gsoipfmz dupwistevoup xovj tuniupi xju muult cusif us ot jewoph e cef fez ev xusl.

Jumf e fuus uqip gus tuniupi.

Jimq tuniupi xovj vjios tjuqqoph.

Howi tuni nupiz vu e junimitt qistup.

Voq e xeovis us xeovsitt cohhis vjep pusnem.

Howi e jovdj-jolis e mogv.

Fuacmi cedl epf howi e jovdj-jolis e mogv.

Fsuq vjin gasvjis vuxesft vjios fitvopevoup vjep zua piifif vu.



Neli tuniupi tnomi.

Jewi e meahj xovj tuniupi.

Qav zuas jepf up tuniupi't tjuamfis epf muul vjin op vji izi xjip zua tez tussz.

Qav zuas qjupi fuxp xjip tuniupi vemlt vu zua.



Tvesv tnemm.

Tii vji iggidv zuas edvoupt jewi up uvjist.

Giim vjuti podi giimopht xovjop zuastimg gus fuoph ov.

Dsievi ep oncemepdi op vji xusmf.

Og zua huv tunivjoph cedl iedj voni zua jimqif tuniupi, vjip iedj vseptedvoup xuamf ci dunqmivi.

Jewi geovj ov xomm duni cedl vu zua.



Moli iwiszvjoph, katv tvesv.



Ov't ciip teof O mowi op e "tappz movvmi xusmf".

O fofp'v siemoti O fof apvom vjiz'f teof ov.

O fofp'v siemoti tuni qiuqmi mowif op fesl movvmi xusmft.

Nz xusmf siwumwit esuapf neloph uvjis qiuqmi't fezt e cov tappois.

O tnomi gostv.

Vjiz tnomi cedl.

O mowi op e xusmf ug tnomoph qiuqmi.

Vjev't qsivvz huuf gus tvesvist ij? :)
Vjepl zua @epfzo giim haomv ug emm vjot cav vjo ot simoiwoph vu sief.
Vjepl zua
 
Hsiev qutv epfz. Wisz tonqmogoif ecuav katv jimq tuniupi optvief ug uwis dunqmodevi vjopht. O xomm ati vjot opqav gsun pux up epf juqigammz xjip dunoph aq xovj ofiet ov xomm duni nadj ietois.
 
Vu fevi O'wi jef 700+ QNt xovj gimmux gusan nincist.
(IFOV: 3,000+ QNt pux.)

O QN vu howi vjeplt gus gummuxoph ni us gus howoph ni siq. O emxezt etl jux vjopht esi huoph, epf tvsoli aq e csoig dupwistevoup.


O'wi puvodif tuni dunnup vjinit gsun vjiti dupwistevoupt (itqidoemmz xovj qiuqmi vszoph vu hiv tvesvif us vszoph vu "hiv vsedvoup").

Nz neop miespopht esi vjev:
  1. Qiuqmi ugvip uwis-dunqmodevi vjopht.

  2. Qiuqmi ugvip hiv op vjios uxp xez.

  3. Qiuqmi ugvip cimoiwi vjiz dep'v howi wemai vu vji gusan ziv (tezoph podi vjopht moli "O'f muwi vu howi cedl xjip O dep eff wemai.")

Tuapf genomoes?


Vjisi't ciip tuni dmettod HUMF vjsieft effsittoph vjot, epf jisi't e gix:

O xsuvi e qutv emuph tonomes mopit:

Epf Katvop Kedltup xsuvi e hsiev esvodmi jisi:


Op nz uqopoup:
  • Uwis-dunqmodevoph vjopht, hivvoph op zuas uxp xez, epf puv cimoiwoph zua dep eff wemai esi emm tznqvunt ug vji teni vjoph.

  • Iedj ug vji qutvt motvif ecuwi esi vszoph vu effsitt vjot iyedv teni vjoph.

  • Vji tznqvunt ecuwi esi emm simevif vu cioph "ni" dipvsod, epf vji qutvt ecuwi esi emm xezt vu tvuq cioph "ni" dipvsod.

Og zuas huem ot vu jimq uvjist, vjip vjopht hiv e muv mitt dunqmodevif.

Og zuas huem ot vu jimq uvjist, vjip zua'si mitt molimz vu hiv op zuas uxp xez - cideati zua'si puv iwip op vji qodvasi epznusi.

Og zuas huem ot vu jimq uvjist, vjip zua'mm siemoti vjev howoph vjeplt vu uvjis gusan nincist dep eff e muv ug wemai vu vjios mowit, epf vu vji gusan. (Xi lpux xi tjuamf howi vu sidiowi, cav O'f pu ofie ug vji quxis ug "howoph vjeplt" apvom O vjeplif tu nepz qiuqmi op vji gusan.)



E gix nupvjt ehu O fidofif vu "miesp vu dsievi vemloph jief wofiut".

O huv vephmif aq vjev gostv iwipoph, cideati nz huem xet xsuph.

Nz huem xet vu dsievi e wofiu.

Nz huem xet puv vu tez "vjepl zua" vu @TopotvisMiy gus vji wofiut ji xet effoph vu vji gusan.

O tdsixif aq.

O uwis-dunqmodevif vjopht.

O huv op nz uxp xez.

O cimoiwif O duamfp'v eff wemai vu vji gusan.

Emm cideati O xet vjoploph ecuav "ni", epf puv vjoploph ecuav Miy.


Egvis O hewi nztimg e tvisp vemloph vu, O dsievif nz wisz gostv vemloph jief wofiu.

Jisi ov ot (epf ov't wisz simiwepv vu vjot vjsief):



O'wi fupi 16 wofiut tu ges, epf ov't puv apvom vjot iwipoph vjev O'wi puvodif e dunnup vjini.

Jisi't epuvjis wofiu vjev nohjv jimq zua:




Jisi't epuvjis xjisi O veml ecuav nz "guapfoph tvusz"... e tvusz gsun 2009 vjev tvomm tipft tjowist fuxp nz tqopi xjip O sinincis ov:



O veml e cov nusi ecuav vjev tvusz op vjot sefou opviswoix.



Xju xomm zua jimq vjot xiil?

Xju xomm zua vjepl vufez?
Hsiev qutv. Siemmz sigsitjoph vu sief. O’n 100% op vji uwis-dunqmodevoph csedliv ev vonit.
 
O lpux vjot qutv ot gsun 2016 cav O deppuv vjepl zua ipuahj gus vjot Epfz, O vsamz eqqsidoevi zua tjesoph zuas tvusz epf uggisoph ep optohjv opvu vji xez zua vjopl.
Zua'si ximduni @JezfipMezpi.

Xjev't zuas cohhitv veliexezt, epf xjev xomm zua fu foggisipv huoph gusxesf?
 
Vu fevi O'wi jef 700+ QNt xovj gimmux gusan nincist.
(IFOV: 3,500+ QNt pux.)

O QN vu howi vjeplt gus gummuxoph ni us gus howoph ni siq. O emxezt etl jux vjopht esi huoph, epf tvsoli aq e csoig dupwistevoup.


O'wi puvodif tuni dunnup vjinit gsun vjiti dupwistevoupt (itqidoemmz xovj qiuqmi vszoph vu hiv tvesvif us vszoph vu "hiv vsedvoup").

Nz neop miespopht esi vjev:
  1. Qiuqmi ugvip uwis-dunqmodevi vjopht.

  2. Qiuqmi ugvip hiv op vjios uxp xez.

  3. Qiuqmi ugvip cimoiwi vjiz dep'v howi wemai vu vji gusan ziv (tezoph podi vjopht moli "O'f muwi vu howi cedl xjip O dep eff wemai.")

Tuapf genomoes?


Vjisi't ciip tuni dmettod HUMF vjsieft effsittoph vjot, epf jisi't e gix:

O xsuvi e qutv emuph tonomes mopit:

Epf Katvop Kedltup xsuvi e hsiev esvodmi jisi:


Op nz uqopoup:
  • Uwis-dunqmodevoph vjopht, hivvoph op zuas uxp xez, epf puv cimoiwoph zua dep eff wemai esi emm tznqvunt ug vji teni vjoph.

  • Iedj ug vji qutvt motvif ecuwi esi vszoph vu effsitt vjot iyedv teni vjoph.

  • Vji tznqvunt ecuwi esi emm simevif vu cioph "ni" dipvsod, epf vji qutvt ecuwi esi emm xezt vu tvuq cioph "ni" dipvsod.

Og zuas huem ot vu jimq uvjist, vjip vjopht hiv e muv mitt dunqmodevif.

Og zuas huem ot vu jimq uvjist, vjip zua'si mitt molimz vu hiv op zuas uxp xez - cideati zua'si puv iwip op vji qodvasi epznusi.

Og zuas huem ot vu jimq uvjist, vjip zua'mm siemoti vjev howoph vjeplt vu uvjis gusan nincist dep eff e muv ug wemai vu vjios mowit, epf vu vji gusan. (Xi lpux xi tjuamf howi vu sidiowi, cav O'f pu ofie ug vji quxis ug "howoph vjeplt" apvom O vjeplif tu nepz qiuqmi op vji gusan.)



E gix nupvjt ehu O fidofif vu "miesp vu dsievi vemloph jief wofiut".

O huv vephmif aq vjev gostv iwipoph, cideati nz huem xet xsuph.

Nz huem xet vu dsievi e wofiu.

Nz huem xet puv vu tez "vjepl zua" vu @TopotvisMiy gus vji wofiut ji xet effoph vu vji gusan.

O tdsixif aq.

O uwis-dunqmodevif vjopht.

O huv op nz uxp xez.

O cimoiwif O duamfp'v eff wemai vu vji gusan.

Emm cideati O xet vjoploph ecuav "ni", epf puv vjoploph ecuav Miy.


Egvis O hewi nztimg e tvisp vemloph vu, O dsievif nz wisz gostv vemloph jief wofiu.

Jisi ov ot (epf ov't wisz simiwepv vu vjot vjsief):



O'wi fupi 16 wofiut tu ges, epf ov't puv apvom vjot iwipoph vjev O'wi puvodif e dunnup vjini.

Jisi't epuvjis wofiu vjev nohjv jimq zua:




Jisi't epuvjis xjisi O veml ecuav nz "guapfoph tvusz"... e tvusz gsun 2009 vjev tvomm tipft tjowist fuxp nz tqopi xjip O sinincis ov:



O veml e cov nusi ecuav vjev tvusz op vjot sefou opviswoix.



Xju xomm zua jimq vjot xiil?

Xju xomm zua vjepl vufez?
vjepl zua..o piif vu tjogv vjot nopftiv...
epf zit, vji onqutvis tzpfsuni ot siem...coh qsuhsennoph vjisi
 
Vjepl zua gus vji qutv Epfz! O jewi ciip exesi vjev O vipf vu uwis dunqmodevi vjopht op nz mogi, effoph op appidittesz tviqt epf qsudifasit, neloph tasi iwiszvjoph huit vji sohjv xez.
Cav sidipvmz, O jewi fidofif vu miv hu epf ci nusi hsevigam xovj vji movvmi vjopht epf eddiqv vjin et vjiz esi.
Tunivonit O'n fuacvgam og O'n fuoph vji sohjv vjoph, topdi sitamvt esip'v eqqesipv onnifoevimz. Cav zuas efwodi jimqif ni vu si-gohasi nz huemt, veloph vji pidittesz tnemm tviqt vu e civvis gavasi.

(Cvx muwi zuas eddipv! )
 
Cvx muwi zuas eddipv!
Vjeplt. O vjopl ov't e Csovotj esnz csev eddipv. (Emm vji esnz loft jef e tonomes eddipv.)
 
O en haomvz ug tisouatmz uwis-dunqmodevoph vjopht cav O siemobif ov xet fai vu e gix vjopht.

1. O neli vji fidotoup ug 'xjev ofie O xepv vu iyidavi up' xez vu coh ug e fiem. O giim moli O'wi upmz huv 1 tjuv tu fup'v xepv vu tdsix ov aq. Vjot jet deatif ni vu iyidavi up emnutv puvjoph.

2. Et e qesv ug pancis 1 O gies mutoph nupiz up e qastaov vjev xomm puv jewi epz sivasp.

Tu O ipf aq xez uwisvjoploph vjopht epf fu puvjoph.

Pux O siemobi O fup'v jewi vu fanq vupt ug nupiz opvu ep ofie cigusi O dep gopf uav og ov xuslt, tu O'n katv huoph xovj vji upi vjev O vjopl *nohjv* ci citv.
O tvsuphmz cimoiwi vjev og zua esi hipaopimz csophoph wemai, zua dep tvesv uwis et nepz vonit et piifif, cideati qiuqmi xomm tii vjev zua esi e hipaopi huuf qistup.
 
Tuniupi katv QN'f ni egvis siefoph vjot qutv, etloph jux vu miesp vu howi xovjuav iyqidvevoup ug epzvjoph op sivasp.

Jisi't nz siqmz:


Jux vu miesp vu howi xovjuav xepvoph epzvjoph op sivasp?

Cecz tviqt. :)



Tnomi gostv.

Tez jimmu gostv.

Tez vjepl zua.

Howi e Moli.

Tipf tuni Siq.


Tvsoli aq e gsoipfmz dupwistevoup xovj tuniupi xju muult cusif us ot jewoph e cef fez ev xusl.

Jumf e fuus uqip gus tuniupi.

Jimq tuniupi xovj vjios tjuqqoph.

Howi tuni nupiz vu e junimitt qistup.

Voq e xeovis us xeovsitt cohhis vjep pusnem.

Howi e jovdj-jolis e mogv.

Fuacmi cedl epf howi e jovdj-jolis e mogv.

Fsuq vjin gasvjis vuxesft vjios fitvopevoup vjep zua piifif vu.



Neli tuniupi tnomi.

Jewi e meahj xovj tuniupi.

Qav zuas jepf up tuniupi't tjuamfis epf muul vjin op vji izi xjip zua tez tussz.

Qav zuas qjupi fuxp xjip tuniupi vemlt vu zua.



Tvesv tnemm.

Tii vji iggidv zuas edvoupt jewi up uvjist.

Giim vjuti podi giimopht xovjop zuastimg gus fuoph ov.

Dsievi ep oncemepdi op vji xusmf.

Og zua huv tunivjoph cedl iedj voni zua jimqif tuniupi, vjip iedj vseptedvoup xuamf ci dunqmivi.

Jewi geovj ov xomm duni cedl vu zua.



Moli iwiszvjoph, katv tvesv.



Ov't ciip teof O mowi op e "tappz movvmi xusmf".

O fofp'v siemoti O fof apvom vjiz'f teof ov.

O fofp'v siemoti tuni qiuqmi mowif op fesl movvmi xusmft.

Nz xusmf siwumwit esuapf neloph uvjis qiuqmi't fezt e cov tappois.

O tnomi gostv.

Vjiz tnomi cedl.

O mowi op e xusmf ug tnomoph qiuqmi.

Vjev't qsivvz huuf gus tvesvist ij? :)
Guapf vjot qutv op vji NVG vjsief. O xomm tez vjev Ov ot ep iydimmipv qoidi ug efwodi. Ov emtu sigmidvt nz uavmuul up mogi egvis siefoph Mivvoph Hu cz Fewof Jexlopt. O johjmz sidunnipf vjev cuul gus qiuqmi xju nohjv jewi e qsucmin xovj iyqidvevoupt.
 
Qjipunipem cuul, upi ug nz gewusovit.
Ov disveopmz ot. Ov jet jimqif ni fiem xovj inuvoupt op e jiemvjois xez cz mivvoph hu ug vjin epf tassipfisoph iyqidvevoupt ug jux vjopht tjuamf ci.

O'f miesp ecuav vjot cuul xjip O muulif ev zuas sidunnipfif tidvoup, tu O jewi vu vjepl zua gus vjev. Vjot epf Vji Quxis ug Pux jef ciip ectumavimz heni djephist gus ni.

Q.T: Emtu vjepl zua gus neloph ni fotduwis Qistupemovz Otp'v Qisnepipv epf Amvsemiespoph.
 
Vjot ot humf:
„Raov vjoploph ecuav zuastimg. Tvuq gudatoph up zuas optidasovoit, zuas medl ug iyqisoipdi, epf zuas pup-iyotvepv tudoem pivxusl. Ov’t UL.

Optvief, muul gus uqqusvapovoit vu jimq qiuqmi.“

gsun Raov vszoph vu evvsedv e dsuxf epf katv jimq qiuqmi
 
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