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I'm really glad to see this topic. I've wanted to share an essay along these lines for a while, but didn't see a good way to open the door to the conversation. Thank you, Supa.
To put it bluntly, the whole area of psychology is something MJ is strong on, but too many forum members are weak on — yet, ignorantly and angrily, are full of criticism about it anyway. So much so, that it almost drove me away when I first started here.
There are some times that someone knows what would be good to do. They have all the resources to safely give it a try. It will bring out the best in them. There is nothing more to learn or figure out. And yet they don't do it, for only one reason: they're being stubborn jerks. Scolding them for their stubbornness might break through that self-imposed pointless wall. It might be all it takes to get them moving, onward to their succcess.
Drill seargents do this. So do institutions like MIT. But you're not a drill seargent. Even if you are one in your day job, your fellow forum members are not recruits under your command. And just after one of MIT's top leaders took over at South Korea's most prestigious university, under his hard-nosed leadership there were multiple suicides of academic community members who cracked under that pressure.
The very same attitudes have led to the extreme gender bias and exclusive hostility we see throughout the software industry, especially from technically talented interpersonal jerks like Linus Torvalds. Hoping to coordinate a big, successful technical project as brilliantly as Linus does, too many young geeks mistake his appallingly bad social skills as a crucial ingredient to his success. When Linus tells people they should commit suicide rather than submit more buggy code, they see that cruelty as something that created his success. They don't see the truth that his technical strengths led to his success despite his callously cruel "pep talks." He's just one of many examples of these destructive attitudes in business these days, and in American software business in particular.
Most forum members here don't need a drill seargant, but could benefit from a respectful, sympathetic friend who can sometimes give a challenge...WITH humanity, courtesy, friendliness, sincerity. Not with unwarranted assumptions against the character of those they attack.
There are some times that someone has fear, worry, dread, anxiety. Sometimes those feelings come only from inner fantasies that have nothing to do with real life. Entrepreneurship can be different enough from past experiences and conditioned responses. Sometimes, needless fears block a harmless, obvious next step. A simple pep talk can get a person past those baseless worries.
Sometimes those feelings come from personal experiences that really did happen (as they did in my life, for example) of physical brutality, deprivation, destitution, phyiscal pain, grief, loss, destruction, death of loved ones, death's door for oneself. Cautiously wanting to not physically experience that again, is not from vague fantasies that will go away if someone shouts at me at enough.
Some people have been through genuinely traumatic incidents leading to PTSD or other major psychological challenges. Experience, feelings and mental states for which trained, empathetic active listening and wise, informed counsel are appropriate. Sometimes, psychological states are involved for which medical intervention is appropriate, wise, helpful.
And instead of honoring that this might be the truth, all too often too many forum members take it upon themselves to play the self-assumed role of Righteously Indignant Dad Telling Off The Brat.
Most of us are not lacking in success, just because we haven't had someone tell us off enough. So cool it, Fake Upset Dads Of The Internet. (Especialy if you're literally half my age, and have NEVER tried to study the psychology lessons I've already worked through, very deeply, with very well qualified professionals... a personal journey I started as an adult, before some self-appointed Fake Dads were out of high school.)
MJ wrote the books of guidance he wished he would've had when he was younger. Once he saw that his life wasn't going as the script predicted, it took some years to turn himself around and find success. While people of any age and gender are welcome to learn from him, he'd especially like to save other young guys those years of trial, by passing along what he leanned. Hooray!
MJ sometimes delivers the a$$-kicking that would have woken himself up earlier. BUT he does it based on an adult perspective on psychology. He does it based on some very profound introspection and thought that went into writing those books.
MJ's books feel breezy and flow easily. It actually takes a hell of a lot of work to package challenging, interlocking, life-changing, conditioning-busting ideas into something that reads so well. That's why he hasn't cranked out a book a month for 99 cents on Kindle. This type of quality thinking and writing takes time, reflection, revision, maturity.
Misunderstanding what MJ did with his writing and how he did it, too many forum members take it upon themselves to be the self-righteously self-appointed a$$-kickers of each other, in an ignorant, naive and hostile manner.
Being given unsolicited, bad psychology advice that comes a hostile mindset, is NOT a necessary part of an entrepreneurial self-help community. It is, by far, the single worst part of this forum, for myself and I've seen that also for some other members.
People with astigmatism do not need to be yelled at so they'll squint harder. People with heart attacks don't need to be yelled at until they just choose by sheer willpower to have clear arteries. People with broken legs don't need to be yelled at that the stairs should be easy for everyone. Yet this is what is way too often done to people with an invisible challenge in their psychology. "Challenge" here is not a code word for "something that goes away if you get upset enough about it."
There are some wise, considerate, caring, genuinely helpful people here with good psychological advice. And there are most of the users who are neutral on the topic, neither helpful nor hurtful. But there is that destructive tendency among a minority of members, to mistake their own ignorant hostility for valid mental health guidance.
That's an extremely toxic weed in this garden of ideas. I hope that this thread helps people stop watering that weed. I hope this thread helps bring some understanding and compassion that will lead to more kindness, more thoughtfully and gently given good advice. And less of the "bad cop, upset Dad, toxic psychologist, yellin' to you fix yerself Bro" kind of attitude. An attitude that doesn't really help anyone, no matter how much of a thrill it is to tell someone off, for what you imagine is the cause of anything that's gone wrong in their life.
Thanks Supa and all in this thread so far. I hope this thread will be a turning point. I'd love if if this forum can become known as an online haven not just for business ideas and social contrarianism. But also, for truly compassionate, cooperative learning about the thoughts and feelings that can help us reach towards peace and wisdom inside ourselves, along with that external success.
To put it bluntly, the whole area of psychology is something MJ is strong on, but too many forum members are weak on — yet, ignorantly and angrily, are full of criticism about it anyway. So much so, that it almost drove me away when I first started here.
There are some times that someone knows what would be good to do. They have all the resources to safely give it a try. It will bring out the best in them. There is nothing more to learn or figure out. And yet they don't do it, for only one reason: they're being stubborn jerks. Scolding them for their stubbornness might break through that self-imposed pointless wall. It might be all it takes to get them moving, onward to their succcess.
Drill seargents do this. So do institutions like MIT. But you're not a drill seargent. Even if you are one in your day job, your fellow forum members are not recruits under your command. And just after one of MIT's top leaders took over at South Korea's most prestigious university, under his hard-nosed leadership there were multiple suicides of academic community members who cracked under that pressure.
The very same attitudes have led to the extreme gender bias and exclusive hostility we see throughout the software industry, especially from technically talented interpersonal jerks like Linus Torvalds. Hoping to coordinate a big, successful technical project as brilliantly as Linus does, too many young geeks mistake his appallingly bad social skills as a crucial ingredient to his success. When Linus tells people they should commit suicide rather than submit more buggy code, they see that cruelty as something that created his success. They don't see the truth that his technical strengths led to his success despite his callously cruel "pep talks." He's just one of many examples of these destructive attitudes in business these days, and in American software business in particular.
Most forum members here don't need a drill seargant, but could benefit from a respectful, sympathetic friend who can sometimes give a challenge...WITH humanity, courtesy, friendliness, sincerity. Not with unwarranted assumptions against the character of those they attack.
There are some times that someone has fear, worry, dread, anxiety. Sometimes those feelings come only from inner fantasies that have nothing to do with real life. Entrepreneurship can be different enough from past experiences and conditioned responses. Sometimes, needless fears block a harmless, obvious next step. A simple pep talk can get a person past those baseless worries.
Sometimes those feelings come from personal experiences that really did happen (as they did in my life, for example) of physical brutality, deprivation, destitution, phyiscal pain, grief, loss, destruction, death of loved ones, death's door for oneself. Cautiously wanting to not physically experience that again, is not from vague fantasies that will go away if someone shouts at me at enough.
Some people have been through genuinely traumatic incidents leading to PTSD or other major psychological challenges. Experience, feelings and mental states for which trained, empathetic active listening and wise, informed counsel are appropriate. Sometimes, psychological states are involved for which medical intervention is appropriate, wise, helpful.
And instead of honoring that this might be the truth, all too often too many forum members take it upon themselves to play the self-assumed role of Righteously Indignant Dad Telling Off The Brat.
Most of us are not lacking in success, just because we haven't had someone tell us off enough. So cool it, Fake Upset Dads Of The Internet. (Especialy if you're literally half my age, and have NEVER tried to study the psychology lessons I've already worked through, very deeply, with very well qualified professionals... a personal journey I started as an adult, before some self-appointed Fake Dads were out of high school.)
MJ wrote the books of guidance he wished he would've had when he was younger. Once he saw that his life wasn't going as the script predicted, it took some years to turn himself around and find success. While people of any age and gender are welcome to learn from him, he'd especially like to save other young guys those years of trial, by passing along what he leanned. Hooray!
MJ sometimes delivers the a$$-kicking that would have woken himself up earlier. BUT he does it based on an adult perspective on psychology. He does it based on some very profound introspection and thought that went into writing those books.
MJ's books feel breezy and flow easily. It actually takes a hell of a lot of work to package challenging, interlocking, life-changing, conditioning-busting ideas into something that reads so well. That's why he hasn't cranked out a book a month for 99 cents on Kindle. This type of quality thinking and writing takes time, reflection, revision, maturity.
Misunderstanding what MJ did with his writing and how he did it, too many forum members take it upon themselves to be the self-righteously self-appointed a$$-kickers of each other, in an ignorant, naive and hostile manner.
Being given unsolicited, bad psychology advice that comes a hostile mindset, is NOT a necessary part of an entrepreneurial self-help community. It is, by far, the single worst part of this forum, for myself and I've seen that also for some other members.
People with astigmatism do not need to be yelled at so they'll squint harder. People with heart attacks don't need to be yelled at until they just choose by sheer willpower to have clear arteries. People with broken legs don't need to be yelled at that the stairs should be easy for everyone. Yet this is what is way too often done to people with an invisible challenge in their psychology. "Challenge" here is not a code word for "something that goes away if you get upset enough about it."
There are some wise, considerate, caring, genuinely helpful people here with good psychological advice. And there are most of the users who are neutral on the topic, neither helpful nor hurtful. But there is that destructive tendency among a minority of members, to mistake their own ignorant hostility for valid mental health guidance.
That's an extremely toxic weed in this garden of ideas. I hope that this thread helps people stop watering that weed. I hope this thread helps bring some understanding and compassion that will lead to more kindness, more thoughtfully and gently given good advice. And less of the "bad cop, upset Dad, toxic psychologist, yellin' to you fix yerself Bro" kind of attitude. An attitude that doesn't really help anyone, no matter how much of a thrill it is to tell someone off, for what you imagine is the cause of anything that's gone wrong in their life.
Thanks Supa and all in this thread so far. I hope this thread will be a turning point. I'd love if if this forum can become known as an online haven not just for business ideas and social contrarianism. But also, for truly compassionate, cooperative learning about the thoughts and feelings that can help us reach towards peace and wisdom inside ourselves, along with that external success.
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