Quarter life crisis and a broken sat nav

[bmalc]

Check your family history. If you happen to have Irish ancestry you could get one of our EU Passports.

Oh shit really? I'll look into that - we're Scottish but Irish ancestry on my mums side from her great grandparents and back... didn't know that haha thanks for the tip!

 

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[bmalc]

Check your family history. If you happen to have Irish ancestry you could get one of our EU Passports.

Ah shit just missed the cut off - its my great great grandparents so my mum would be able to but I wouldn't- damn! Thanks anyway for the tip!

 

[JordanK]

Get your mother to get it and then you'll be eligible hahah

 

[bmalc]

Get your mother to get it and then you'll be eligible hahah

Not sure it works like that haha but I'll keep digging!

 

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[JordanK]

I think you are correct actually.

 

[bmalc]

Wow...a lot you have shared.

I actually think if you want to try something new, sure.
There's no rules that says you can't try stuff.

Still, it's a lot easier to capitalise on your current strengths. It does take MORE time to try to conquer new stuffs, and you are at a stage where you need some small wins quickly.

If you are talking on direction to start, check out this video by MJ:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_58zPgArb4&t=339s


From a job...to a specialized skill...to a specialized unit...each step of the way gets you funds and experience for the next step. Many can already make a good living with the specialized skill, but of course, if you can go forward...go.

Since you are from IT, maybe you can transfer some of your analytical skills to data science? Digital marketing? (Skip the rubbish by the Twitter asses and start with a basic job working for ACTUAL marketers) Web design? (we got Fox around here for that)

This isn't an exhaustive list...but these are a few skills that came to my head, which might still borrow some mental models from your older time in IT. Stuff you might be able to pick up quicker, rather than totally starting from zero.

Hey I just thought I'd reply to your comment as I've taken your advice here:

Since you are from IT, maybe you can transfer some of your analytical skills to data science? Digital marketing? (Skip the rubbish by the Twitter asses and start with a basic job working for ACTUAL marketers) Web design? (we got Fox around here for that)

I've decided to get into Web design, partly because of your comment and partly because of reading about MJ's initial starting point of learning Web development in Unscripted being an inspiration, but mostly because it interests me and is transferable from my near decade long career so I'm not starting at 0.

Coding has always intrigued me and although I picked up a bit here and there throughout my career (fixing the odd bit of code or making small changes to customers websites without having to involve a developer etc.) I never fully learned to code at all. I've made some websites in WordPress over the years so understood enough in terms of structure and design to get by..

When I first left my job, I started to learn how to build apps with no-code tools as I'd convinced myself that learning to code would 'take too long' - guess what type of entrepreneur I was back then! The irony of this of course is that if I had started to learn code when I first left my job, I'd have had almost a year under my belt already and be in a much better position than I am now, probably making some decent money.

I'd always tried to convince my old boss to introduce in-house web design into the company, as it was always something we outsourced and go me it looked like 'easy money' if we had a developer in the building. Our partner was often charging thousands for very basic WordPress websites and his skill level wasn't even that high from the conversations I'd had with him and the websites I saw him produce. My boss was never interested though..

I think after reading a few of Fox's posts on here I realised that it's very doable for me to start learning code enough to be able to tweak basic static website themes, and sell them, and it's a skill that I can constantly improve on to help increase my prices over time and grow a real business from. Of course I could also apply those skills to other projects I may think of in the future (similar to how MJ has done with this forum and his old limousine website).

I started to learn HTML yesterday on Code Academy as per Fox's suggestion, and today I'll be starting on the basic CSS course. I'm enjoying it already, and really happy to be back into being productive and learning things. It's also scratching the itch of problem solving and the techie process - I spent many thousands of hours of my career figuring out technical problems before I lost the love for IT, and even just trying to work out where I've mistyped, or incorrectly coded something during these courses has reignited that love of problem solving!

MJ's advice on the video you posted has also helped me reframe my decisions this past year - I've been trying desperately to think of the perfect business idea, the time/location agnostic, self perpetuating product or service that sells itself... I now realise how silly it was to try and start at the top of this ladder with a 'specialised unit' and that I'm much better learning a specialised skill first and building up from there..

I can still see the ambitious future of the successful Web development company that ends up hiring multiple staff, expanding and dominating a certain market... I can see the other projects I might embark on once my business runs itself with a system I've put in place.. I can see the multi million pound acquisition that allows me to set up my own money system and live the life of my dreams.

I'm still dreaming big and thinking big, but now I realise that today's problem is simply: Finish the 10 hour basic CSS course.

One problem at a time.

Tomorrow's problem might be finishing another course, or completing a mini practice project - I don't even know as I haven't even looked at what the next step might be just yet.

Next week's problem might be learning something related to javascript or python.

Next month's problem might be calling 100 prospects every day until I make a sale, or figuring out what I need to do to comply with GDPR, or getting in touch with the large network of ex-customers I've built relationships with over the years for some work, or setting up a partnership with my old boss to send each other work when it comes in..

Next years problem might be hiring my first employee because the workload has become too much for me, or trying to land a £10,000 sale, or figuring out how to cut hosting costs.


The bottom line is I WILL stick with this business, and I will take it one day, and one problem at a time.

Sorry for rambling on, I just wanted to voice my appreciation to you (and others on this thread who've advised me similarly - this reply covers them all).

Onwards and upwards! Watch this space...

 

[Plushy]

Haven't read all the replies yet,
but to me the problem is clear as day. You have chronic stress. Probably ADHD too. You can't even think about starting a business until you deal with that. We are the similar age, I used to struggle with procrastination issues, self doubt and commitment. Although I haven't put my product out to market yet, I am still working on it consistently 1 year in (whereas before I gave up quickly) and doing a great job if I may say so myself (in the past, I used to underachieve out of fear of failure)

I think the most telling part was talking about how you had a divorce early in life, alcoholism from the dad, and poverty. I had poverty and hardship and other traumas too. I used to blame myself because I didn't understand why I couldn't just "do the work" until I learned to manage my chronic stress. Chronic stress is why you're looking to videos and gurus to assuage that negative voice and doubt buzzing in your head. You have to come up with your own way to alleviate it. In such an insecure upbringing, it's no wonder you talk to your friends and family about your idea. I've noticed in my own life, I'm MOST motivated when I talk to people about my ideas. Make sure you get that from the right people. If they don't understand that and mistaken you for all talk, no effort, these can become detrimental as the validation and support you seek turn against you and become doubt and criticism from others. You lack internal validation. You lack direction because you shoot down all your own ideas and don't follow through.

Once you gain the ability to validate yourself (affirmations, talking to yourself and about your ideas positively to yourself), you also learn to trust your gut, make decisions...(meditation, running to burn off stress, etc.) You follow through much more easily when you are calm than when you are stressed. When you are stressed, your brain can't focus. Of course it's going to ping pong from one idea to another. It can't even think thoroughly about a concept or solution. Your brain thinks it's being chased by a lion, how can you stay still and work on a business? Because of unresolved maladaptive coping mechanisms (including escapism like video games and media), your brain is chronically fragile and stressed, so even normal things like a sick parent or a change in career is devastating. When you are healthy, and have good coping mechanisms they don't affect you as much (yes I am talking about me) I have suffered a lot of life changes and health issues this year, some of the biggest stressors anyone can have back to back, but bounced back and stayed on task, because I had developed ways to deal with that chronic stress! They work!

That's why it seems like the problem is you, but it also isn't you. You're like, how come other people can just figure out what product to make and bring it to market and I'm just bouncing from idea to idea? It's not you. It's the stress and maladaptive coping mechanisms. You are running away from life. If you are beating yourself up already, being extremely hostile to yourself, the slightest pin drop change in plans, the slightest rude customer, is an unbearable inconvenience you have to run away from. And since you are running away and not experiencing any successes, you feel more and more like a failure, adding to your stress. You've got to stop this cycle. To me, positives thinking and gratitude and feeling good literally works. Once you are in a good mood, it's easy to work. Introspect on your own life, the best times when you were making the most money was probably when you had that loving father figure of a boss supporting you. Hanging out with your friends can make you more productive because you reduce the stress, and now your brain is free to think. The people who say you just gotta force yourself are probably very mentally healthy already. Or they might be unsuccessful and just parroting what they think works.

To me, the more you relax, the further you go. That's because I believe success is an innate feature of humans, and we want to work hard and realize our dreams, we gotta stop self sabotaging first. When you stop criticizing or doubting yourself, or seeking validation from others, it becomes easy to follow through. That's what I think works for a brain coming from a chronic stress background.

My actionable plan for you:
1. Meditate 20 - 30 minutes a day.
2. Do physical activity daily (did you know kids with ADHD don't show symptoms anymore when they got 60m of exercise a day?) You probably saw you were more productive when you were on a daily exercise grind. Our bodies were designed to use exercise as a stress relief valve.
3. Gratitude. Try to be grateful every moment. Especially during setbacks. You can't afford not to be. If you stay stressed, you'll keep failing. You can't be stressed and grateful at the same time, and when you are stressed, your brain doesn't come up with good solutions, it just tries to run away
4. Deliberately talk positively to yourself. Congratulate your effort, your past successes, and how you've overcome hardships. Why would your brain strive for anything if there's no rewards right away from other people? You create your own rewards by thinking positively to yourself.
5. Stop criticizing yourself. Meditation will help you catch those thoughts. If you constantly negate your efforts with negative thoughts, why would your brain want to help you achieve your dreams?
6. Limit how much self-help you consume, if it is based on compulsion, balance it with healthy introspection (not ruminating or beating yourself up). Teach yourself to trust yourself. Look at patterns and what worked for you. Only you can know what's best for your life. You don't need a guru to tell you what to do. That insecurity comes from childhood insecurity. That's all it is. The best motivation is just from little wins (and don't discount the little wins, that's back to point number 5.)

These mental and physical habits (and eat well too, you know that, food toxins also damage the brain) will reduce stress so your brain can think clearly. Then you'll know what to do. Start learning to rely on yourself for validation. Gurus and self help books can help, but the best motivation is seeing progress in your work. And praise yourself for said progress. Rewire your thinking.

 

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[Plushy]

Just read that you have decided to commit to web de!velopment Great job!
I think my advice for improving your internal self talk and being nice to yourself will help you stay on this journey.
And remember to reward your efforts, even a mental pat on the back will do.
Actually learning a new skill is a great way to reduce stress and build confidence (again action is key!)