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Three Notable Events from This Week as it Relates to the Brand:
1. Helping Women through Coaching (non-brand related)- Met a girl on the dating app, Bumble who is struggling from motivation, does things she doesn't want to do on dates 1-3 with guys out of a fear that she is not attractive enough and they will leave, and has a lot of self-blame and self-judgement for things that she has done. She also suffers from sadness with the job she is working and asked me about what I do to help with that. While talking on the phone before we met up for coffee, she mentioned I should be her life coach multiple times. We got coffee, talked, and then made plans to meet up in January after I get back from traveling for a few weeks. The main 'objection' she had was "How can you guarantee what you do will work in the long run and my sadness won't come back". The solution I told her was to do the change work on her to begin with, then provide her the tools and training to always be able to do this as things come up over time. I'm not sure how this ties into the brand, since she's not a man - but I'm learning more and more females are struggling through things I can help with too in this realm.
2. Being a Man (or Woman) on Your Purpose - On Monday, I drove up to Longmont to meet up with this girl I met at an Animal Rights Activist event (we'll call her Jess). Jess and I spoke over coffee about her creating a non-profit that will incorporate animal rights, job skills, entrepreneur, and personal development training - an area that is meaningful to both of us and caries over to what we both do for our profession (she does social work and I do personal development/business training).
The details of that are outside of this thread and I'm meeting up with her again on January 8th to go over the steps we took while I'm traveling.
After we wrapped up conversation on that, we got to know each other a little bit better and I mention how I'm writing The Well Defined Man book, explaining how it's about becoming the most authentic version of yourself, clearing out your internal BS, and being on your purpose; for magnetic attraction instead of chasing and losing balance.
She was very interested and offered to put me in touch with the company she works for (in the social work field) to help with specific problems she told me about (not mentioned here).
Her personal feedback (as a women) for things that I should help guys with:
I'm excited to work with her on the non-profit next year and see her again.
3. Helping a Guy who is Struggling with his Dating
After parting ways with Jess, I drove back down to Boulder to meet with a 23 year old guy who is struggling with his relationships. I met him at a potluck two weekends ago and talked about how I overcame social anxiety (something he was struggling with at the time), and he asked if we could meet up last night to talk more about what I do.
As he started listing all of the problems in his life, I told him to give me his laptop and I began taking notes with all the key points of things he was doing wrong and struggling with.
Overall, the main thing he was going through was being attached to a woman he was seeing on and off. She is 34 and wants to explore her options while he is in his 20’s and already explored a lot in his life and is ready for a serious relationship.
He grew attached, and when she pulled away, he was pulling at her.
The reason we get attached to people is because they provide something to us that we can’t get from anywhere else. Usually it’s an emotion they provide for us.
I began by telling a metaphor of a women I got attached to last year. She provided happiness, motivation, excitement, love and caring, meaning and purpose. I told him over the past year I embarked on a journey to embody all these qualities within myself. Because when we have these emotional qualities, there is no need for an attachment.
The only one I couldn’t get internally was love and caring.
I met a second women in October who I grew attached to. She released the attachment to the first women – but the love and caring was still the thing. I worked through this with my NLP coach a couple nights ago and developed that quality within myself. I visualized it being a white light of emotions in the center of my chest, and a spotlight that I shine out into the world.
Instead of getting the love from the woman; it’s within me and I choose to shine it out to whoever to whatever I want. While the second girl allowed me to release the attachment to the first girl, the internalization of emotions allowed me to release any emotional attachments altogether.
Girls can feel this if you’re dragging them down.
I used some psychology and practical advice to get him to pull up that feeling in himself (with her not physically being here), and he shined his light onto some plant in the corner of the café.
His attachment was gone.
Attachments are Magnetic Chords – If he is taking something from her (emotionally), this drains her energy. The solution was described above and to be the giver of emotions and not need anything from anyone else. Two complete wholes prevent you from having a co-dependent relationship.
His ‘solution’ before talking to me was to meet other girls to cover up the pain. No Bueno.
Problems/Solutions I wrote down during our talk.:
1. be a man on your own purpose
2. release attachments
3. allow her to he her own women. most guys try to latch on to her, letting her go is attractive.
4. be an independent man who she desires. Don’t be overly needy and have a slight sense of being unobtainable (in a well-defined type of way).
5. provide her positive energy.
6. don't project your emotional bullshit on her, don't have her be your therapist
7. don't try to logically convince her. Be yourself.
8. keep options open and don’t cling onto one if she’s not interested
9. don't jump into things. connect with purple first.
10. be free. be well defined, it might attract her later. Or it might attract the right one to you now.
11. respect her needs to be free - don't take away from her. see her perspective. don't be selfish
12. don't blame her for the emotions you feel. Own your own emotions.
13. some people you just won't click with. its ok – don’t beat yourself up about it or judge yourself.
14. You don’t have to verbalize some things that are already implied.
15. The Well-Defined Man is a journey about yourself – not about her or about other girls. It’s about being your own version of confidence (a confident engineer is the same as a confident male model).
The final thing with him is that he said she is on her purpose. He is still finishing up college. I told him his purpose doesn’t have to be his career. He volunteers at a dog shelter. When that is his purpose, it has the same level of attractiveness as any other man on his purpose. It’s not about what society preaches when it comes to what you should do or how you should be…
Your own version of confidence. Your own version of purpose (regardless of the content), is the same thing.
He thanked me three times for my help after we left Whole Foods and he’s interested in the boo when it comes out.
1. Helping Women through Coaching (non-brand related)- Met a girl on the dating app, Bumble who is struggling from motivation, does things she doesn't want to do on dates 1-3 with guys out of a fear that she is not attractive enough and they will leave, and has a lot of self-blame and self-judgement for things that she has done. She also suffers from sadness with the job she is working and asked me about what I do to help with that. While talking on the phone before we met up for coffee, she mentioned I should be her life coach multiple times. We got coffee, talked, and then made plans to meet up in January after I get back from traveling for a few weeks. The main 'objection' she had was "How can you guarantee what you do will work in the long run and my sadness won't come back". The solution I told her was to do the change work on her to begin with, then provide her the tools and training to always be able to do this as things come up over time. I'm not sure how this ties into the brand, since she's not a man - but I'm learning more and more females are struggling through things I can help with too in this realm.
2. Being a Man (or Woman) on Your Purpose - On Monday, I drove up to Longmont to meet up with this girl I met at an Animal Rights Activist event (we'll call her Jess). Jess and I spoke over coffee about her creating a non-profit that will incorporate animal rights, job skills, entrepreneur, and personal development training - an area that is meaningful to both of us and caries over to what we both do for our profession (she does social work and I do personal development/business training).
The details of that are outside of this thread and I'm meeting up with her again on January 8th to go over the steps we took while I'm traveling.
After we wrapped up conversation on that, we got to know each other a little bit better and I mention how I'm writing The Well Defined Man book, explaining how it's about becoming the most authentic version of yourself, clearing out your internal BS, and being on your purpose; for magnetic attraction instead of chasing and losing balance.
She was very interested and offered to put me in touch with the company she works for (in the social work field) to help with specific problems she told me about (not mentioned here).
Her personal feedback (as a women) for things that I should help guys with:
- Many of them cut off any connection if she's not interested in a romantic relationship, unable to be associated in other ways.
- Objectifying women,
- Showing emotions (playing by the social conditioning of what it's like to be manly)
- And she got really frustrated when guys got mad about being put in the friend zone.
- Channeling sexual energy into appropriate outlets (exercise, writing, art, business) instead of inappropriate behavior in inappropriate environments. .
I'm excited to work with her on the non-profit next year and see her again.
3. Helping a Guy who is Struggling with his Dating
After parting ways with Jess, I drove back down to Boulder to meet with a 23 year old guy who is struggling with his relationships. I met him at a potluck two weekends ago and talked about how I overcame social anxiety (something he was struggling with at the time), and he asked if we could meet up last night to talk more about what I do.
As he started listing all of the problems in his life, I told him to give me his laptop and I began taking notes with all the key points of things he was doing wrong and struggling with.
Overall, the main thing he was going through was being attached to a woman he was seeing on and off. She is 34 and wants to explore her options while he is in his 20’s and already explored a lot in his life and is ready for a serious relationship.
He grew attached, and when she pulled away, he was pulling at her.
The reason we get attached to people is because they provide something to us that we can’t get from anywhere else. Usually it’s an emotion they provide for us.
I began by telling a metaphor of a women I got attached to last year. She provided happiness, motivation, excitement, love and caring, meaning and purpose. I told him over the past year I embarked on a journey to embody all these qualities within myself. Because when we have these emotional qualities, there is no need for an attachment.
The only one I couldn’t get internally was love and caring.
I met a second women in October who I grew attached to. She released the attachment to the first women – but the love and caring was still the thing. I worked through this with my NLP coach a couple nights ago and developed that quality within myself. I visualized it being a white light of emotions in the center of my chest, and a spotlight that I shine out into the world.
Instead of getting the love from the woman; it’s within me and I choose to shine it out to whoever to whatever I want. While the second girl allowed me to release the attachment to the first girl, the internalization of emotions allowed me to release any emotional attachments altogether.
Girls can feel this if you’re dragging them down.
I used some psychology and practical advice to get him to pull up that feeling in himself (with her not physically being here), and he shined his light onto some plant in the corner of the café.
His attachment was gone.
Attachments are Magnetic Chords – If he is taking something from her (emotionally), this drains her energy. The solution was described above and to be the giver of emotions and not need anything from anyone else. Two complete wholes prevent you from having a co-dependent relationship.
His ‘solution’ before talking to me was to meet other girls to cover up the pain. No Bueno.
Problems/Solutions I wrote down during our talk.:
1. be a man on your own purpose
2. release attachments
3. allow her to he her own women. most guys try to latch on to her, letting her go is attractive.
4. be an independent man who she desires. Don’t be overly needy and have a slight sense of being unobtainable (in a well-defined type of way).
5. provide her positive energy.
6. don't project your emotional bullshit on her, don't have her be your therapist
7. don't try to logically convince her. Be yourself.
8. keep options open and don’t cling onto one if she’s not interested
9. don't jump into things. connect with purple first.
10. be free. be well defined, it might attract her later. Or it might attract the right one to you now.
11. respect her needs to be free - don't take away from her. see her perspective. don't be selfish
12. don't blame her for the emotions you feel. Own your own emotions.
13. some people you just won't click with. its ok – don’t beat yourself up about it or judge yourself.
14. You don’t have to verbalize some things that are already implied.
15. The Well-Defined Man is a journey about yourself – not about her or about other girls. It’s about being your own version of confidence (a confident engineer is the same as a confident male model).
The final thing with him is that he said she is on her purpose. He is still finishing up college. I told him his purpose doesn’t have to be his career. He volunteers at a dog shelter. When that is his purpose, it has the same level of attractiveness as any other man on his purpose. It’s not about what society preaches when it comes to what you should do or how you should be…
Your own version of confidence. Your own version of purpose (regardless of the content), is the same thing.
He thanked me three times for my help after we left Whole Foods and he’s interested in the boo when it comes out.
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