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When I have such thoughts I turn to sex and adrenaline. I've been thinking about all of this my whole life so far and it's exhausting.
I think the answer, as cheesy as it sounds, is love. Like, the infatuating kind of love.
My best memories are from my childhood (even though it wasn't a great one, especially with divorced parents) and my first love. When that love was taken away, I nearly died.
So love and family are probably the answer. I know you're divorced and that must suck donkey balls. No matter what enjoyment and satisfaction you get from life, you're still a single parent.
I also disagree that you're not depressed, but I won't go into detail.
Anyway, I've got massive health anxiety and worry about death, too.
Will I live long enough? Did I let someone go when I shouldn't have?
Why have I never loved anyone as much as my first girlfriend, why was that so magical? Why do I still dream about her sometimes after so many years?
Am I destined to never be that happy again or did the breakup experience scar me?
I also have this weird fear that I do not appreciate/value the present as much as I should, as if I don't truly realize what I have until I lose it some day. Feelings of nostalgia and longing of the past tear me up like nothing else.
Will I live long enough to learnt the truth about extraterrestrial life? What about advanced past human civilisations?
Will I be able to transfer my consciousness to something like a hard drive and "live" as long as I decide to?
Everyone dies – from the most important people with the most interesting, dramatic, and meaningful lives... To those whose existence was, ultimately, futile and pointless.
The question is, will I get answers before I go? Do I even deserve answers or am I just a random human who was at the right place and time to see a UFO out of a freaking sci-fi movie?
And I haven't even scratched the surface.
Until then, I make an effort to imbue meaning in any way possible and take life day by day.
And now I'm going to get out of bed to work on my clients because all of this would be much worse without money.
What I wrote probably won't help you or be relatable. But this is my personal existential crisis which I wanted to share, even though it's different from yours, because it probably torments us all the same.
Oh, and helping others is great. We all have some existential angst going on (on top of everyday life) which can easily make us shortsighted and indifferent to other people's struggles in our community.
Helping the way you did was awesome and you were effectively a hero to that woman. God didn't save her (or did he?) but you and another mortal man did. That's power, and it was used for good.
I think the answer, as cheesy as it sounds, is love. Like, the infatuating kind of love.
My best memories are from my childhood (even though it wasn't a great one, especially with divorced parents) and my first love. When that love was taken away, I nearly died.
So love and family are probably the answer. I know you're divorced and that must suck donkey balls. No matter what enjoyment and satisfaction you get from life, you're still a single parent.
I also disagree that you're not depressed, but I won't go into detail.
Anyway, I've got massive health anxiety and worry about death, too.
Will I live long enough? Did I let someone go when I shouldn't have?
Why have I never loved anyone as much as my first girlfriend, why was that so magical? Why do I still dream about her sometimes after so many years?
Am I destined to never be that happy again or did the breakup experience scar me?
I also have this weird fear that I do not appreciate/value the present as much as I should, as if I don't truly realize what I have until I lose it some day. Feelings of nostalgia and longing of the past tear me up like nothing else.
Will I live long enough to learnt the truth about extraterrestrial life? What about advanced past human civilisations?
Will I be able to transfer my consciousness to something like a hard drive and "live" as long as I decide to?
Everyone dies – from the most important people with the most interesting, dramatic, and meaningful lives... To those whose existence was, ultimately, futile and pointless.
The question is, will I get answers before I go? Do I even deserve answers or am I just a random human who was at the right place and time to see a UFO out of a freaking sci-fi movie?
And I haven't even scratched the surface.
Until then, I make an effort to imbue meaning in any way possible and take life day by day.
And now I'm going to get out of bed to work on my clients because all of this would be much worse without money.
What I wrote probably won't help you or be relatable. But this is my personal existential crisis which I wanted to share, even though it's different from yours, because it probably torments us all the same.
Oh, and helping others is great. We all have some existential angst going on (on top of everyday life) which can easily make us shortsighted and indifferent to other people's struggles in our community.
Helping the way you did was awesome and you were effectively a hero to that woman. God didn't save her (or did he?) but you and another mortal man did. That's power, and it was used for good.
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