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Alright so yesterday I got into an argument with my father and I have to say it didn't end well I screamed because we tried searching job with company specialized in putting people like me in computer science to facilitate the entry on the job market and when my father and I were making the motivation letter and we were at the part of job experience because I thought that with the project I did I gathered massive experience in programming I couldn't express my own cynism about the whole job experience paradoxal scam in which you need experience to have a job but you can't get a job because you don't have experience. Further frustrated I screamed at my father asking about the social birth certificate so I can access to welfare check for last resort and refused to give me the birth certificate then I said that the birth certificate is something that is my mine and should belong to me at 100 % and not my parent then the situation worsen and worsen and I nearly got into a fist fight with my father and I told my father that I was sick of his authority I screamed you have no authority over me I'm an adult now and then he groomed me saying I'm the one who practice with you driving it's a privilege I demand respect from everything I do for you I provide food, housing, safety and then I replied back I didn't ask to be on this planet and I did nothing wrong it's your problem to have put me on this planet and I tried playing the antinatalist logic so after that my father said yeah then I'll leave you in the street and you will cope on your own and I said perfect you aren't helping me anyway because I have no knowledge of how to thrive in the real world I will learn how to survive and thrive on my own and then I got mad I packed my thing my computer programming books, my old trading system book everything my computer and my father said where are you going and I replied back don't need to know and I quitted father home then later on the evening after a long long walk my mother tried to call me multiple time she texted me and then I said alright I will respond to her and on the phone call she said where are you I love you I fear for your security and then I said where is the birth certificate but then she further said can you please say where are you and I told the location my mother went to find me in car I was crying and falling to her hugging me and I was crying over reflecting my whole life of going to school graduating college in computer science to further be unemployed and depressed I cried about how people don't acknowledge me and I feel not respect because of my autism I wanted to prove my parents that I was courageous on my own and I was a runaway for one evening before I ended up sleeping at my mother home now I'm back to father home and I regretted how I behave because my father just tried to help me the best he could and tried to make me happy. I called back my father later in the evening saying that I'm sorry father I wasn't mad against you but to something bigger the system it's not your fault my frustration has nothing to do with you. Then this morning I got encouragement message from my brother saying that the first job is very very hard to find since the current job market is incredibly competitive and that even tho you had a very bad job experience he hoped that I will surpass obstacle like I did everytime before and my mother said to me yesterday that she prays that one day the sun in my will revive and that my life is finally gonna change for the best. Then when I went to sleep I listened to Piano like @Gipsy suggest me and then I sleep well in peace knowing that I did my apology to my father about my behavior. I talked to my mother about how my talent and sheer hardwork and determination will be recognised one day for all I do and that I said that because I don't have a job I feel like a lazy who do nothing all day and she remind me of why I'm not useless and that my presence in his life bring joy and hope and yeah I had lots of thing to say in this post
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