Thoughts on changing your NAME (and IDENTITY)? Both the first AND the last!!

[DarkKnight]

NA

 

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[Simon Angel]

You're stuck in a loop worrying about what others think. Your therapist, manager, people you recently met, the Fastlane forum...

The only thing that matters is what YOU think.

I'm guessing you've spent your whole life referring to others before making decisions—apparently, even decisions concerning you and ONLY you.

Dude, you're an adult. You can trust your own thinking and make your own decisions. And if you can't, then it's time to go back to the drawing board and work out a plan on how to become a capable person who knows what has to be done and does it WITHOUT asking for permission from anyone and, well, everyone.

So if you really want to rename yourself to Julius Caesar or Scipio Africanus or whatever, then do it. Yeah, you're going to look ridiculous with that name considering you're Indian (I think) so it's a matter of deciding if the new name will make you feel badass enough to brush off the ridicule you're gonna receive on a regular basis.

Do it or don't do it. Just take responsibility. Or you'll end up resentful of the people who "tricked" you into changing your name and telling you it was a good idea.

 

[DarkKnight]

NA

 

[Fox]

You should read this book...

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399176136/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

I think it would help a lot.

A name change is not going to change you, it is just a mental crutch you are using to avoid doing the real work.
Just like how in this book people would get plastic surgery but still deal with the same issues.

Change is 100% possible, but you are making something external the focus which is likely not a solution.

 

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[ZackerySprague]

You should read this book...

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399176136/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

I think it would help a lot.

A name change is not going to change you, it is just a mental crutch you are using to avoid doing the real work.
Just like how in this book people would get plastic surgery but still deal with the same mind issue.

Change is 100% possible, but you are making something external the focus which is likely not a solution.

Such a good book.

 

[Lex DeVille]

I legally changed my name and relocated.

Nobody told me to do it tho.

It probably won't alleviate the issues you mentioned in the other thread.

But it might affect the way you approach the world going forward.

 

[AceVentures]

You are what you do, not what you convince yourself you are with peripheral modifications.

You can walk around and tell everyone you meet that this turd in your hand is actually the philosophers stone. But it will still be a turd, despite the temporary illusion you might be able to create around it.

The magic you are seeking is in the work you are avoiding, not in a name change.

How’s your health?

 

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[Mattie]

So, I've had life situations that meant I couldn't go out as a child, play with the other boys, laugh a little etc. That carried out in adulthood and it all led me down a path of having multiple internet identities and personalities ranging from just pure trolling to being a knight in armor.

My therapist suggested that it was about time to take the identities I like the most and rally all my best men under a single banner while discarding the rest. She strongly suggested that I let myself take a name that has always resonated with me since time immemorial and to stop caring about the effect it will have on other people, but to rather focus on the effects it will have on ME.
When I am addressed by this 'new' name, I find that I react to situations differently, I SHOW UP DIFFERENTLY and that changes everything about the way I look at and perceive life and how I handle the problems that I am bound to deal with. The things I ('old self with old name') couldn't do are no problem for the 'new' self because with the change of identity, all those old belief systems go out of the window, there are no longer any holy cows that really can't be killed, etc. My therapist strongly suggested discarding EVERYTHING that the previous self owned -- all the clothes, the hairstyle, a new body, a new place to live -- perhaps a new city or country, a new phone, you get the idea..

I have so far bought an entirely new wardrobe of clothes, have changed my name at several places, but I haven't legally changed it (yet). I had a discussion with my manager at work yesterday and brought up this with him -- he strongly suggested moving ahead with the idea, like tons of other people I've met recently.

What scares me are the implications of legally going ahead with it. As soon as I affect this change, I go from having a name reflective of my 'roots' -- the community, culture and country I was born in, the religious shit that was doled out to me, the ties to my blood family, etc. The new name's reflective of the ancient roman society which has no basis in the reality I live in. It would also mean changing my daughter's last name and may expose her to ridicule or bullying at school, though it could happen any way either way.

So, here's the big question to you smart and intelligent folks out here. Do you think it's a good idea to change your name and identity and achieve a break with a troubling and traumatizing past at the cost of potential ridicule from the bunch of people you'll meet in the future?

I would really like to hear your thoughts and opinions on this. Thank You for reading so far!!

I personally have thought about this myself, since it has no attachment to anyone I know. In a sense it is freedom. It is liberating yourself from any ties to the old self and old lifestyle.
Nothing wrong with letting go of the past and starting fresh.

 

[Fox]

They dont know I am legally called Fox

 

[Kevin88660]

So, I've had life situations that meant I couldn't go out as a child, play with the other boys, laugh a little etc. That carried out in adulthood and it all led me down a path of having multiple internet identities and personalities ranging from just pure trolling to being a knight in armor.

My therapist suggested that it was about time to take the identities I like the most and rally all my best men under a single banner while discarding the rest. She strongly suggested that I let myself take a name that has always resonated with me since time immemorial and to stop caring about the effect it will have on other people, but to rather focus on the effects it will have on ME.
When I am addressed by this 'new' name, I find that I react to situations differently, I SHOW UP DIFFERENTLY and that changes everything about the way I look at and perceive life and how I handle the problems that I am bound to deal with. The things I ('old self with old name') couldn't do are no problem for the 'new' self because with the change of identity, all those old belief systems go out of the window, there are no longer any holy cows that really can't be killed, etc. My therapist strongly suggested discarding EVERYTHING that the previous self owned -- all the clothes, the hairstyle, a new body, a new place to live -- perhaps a new city or country, a new phone, you get the idea..

I have so far bought an entirely new wardrobe of clothes, have changed my name at several places, but I haven't legally changed it (yet). I had a discussion with my manager at work yesterday and brought up this with him -- he strongly suggested moving ahead with the idea, like tons of other people I've met recently.

What scares me are the implications of legally going ahead with it. As soon as I affect this change, I go from having a name reflective of my 'roots' -- the community, culture and country I was born in, the religious shit that was doled out to me, the ties to my blood family, etc. The new name's reflective of the ancient roman society which has no basis in the reality I live in. It would also mean changing my daughter's last name and may expose her to ridicule or bullying at school, though it could happen any way either way.

So, here's the big question to you smart and intelligent folks out here. Do you think it's a good idea to change your name and identity and achieve a break with a troubling and traumatizing past at the cost of potential ridicule from the bunch of people you'll meet in the future?

I would really like to hear your thoughts and opinions on this. Thank You for reading so far!!

Your therapist’s advice will not be valid if she doesn’t understand your cultural context.

You can change your last name but you cannot change your Y chromosome.

The fact that you need to alter the name shows there is issue unresolved emotionally. It is better to deal with them directly.

 

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[msufan]

Just use the new name as a nickname or preferred name and skip the legal nonsense.

 

[Trismigistus]

So, I've had life situations that meant I couldn't go out as a child, play with the other boys, laugh a little etc. That carried out in adulthood and it all led me down a path of having multiple internet identities and personalities ranging from just pure trolling to being a knight in armor.

My therapist suggested that it was about time to take the identities I like the most and rally all my best men under a single banner while discarding the rest. She strongly suggested that I let myself take a name that has always resonated with me since time immemorial and to stop caring about the effect it will have on other people, but to rather focus on the effects it will have on ME.
When I am addressed by this 'new' name, I find that I react to situations differently, I SHOW UP DIFFERENTLY and that changes everything about the way I look at and perceive life and how I handle the problems that I am bound to deal with. The things I ('old self with old name') couldn't do are no problem for the 'new' self because with the change of identity, all those old belief systems go out of the window, there are no longer any holy cows that really can't be killed, etc. My therapist strongly suggested discarding EVERYTHING that the previous self owned -- all the clothes, the hairstyle, a new body, a new place to live -- perhaps a new city or country, a new phone, you get the idea..

I have so far bought an entirely new wardrobe of clothes, have changed my name at several places, but I haven't legally changed it (yet). I had a discussion with my manager at work yesterday and brought up this with him -- he strongly suggested moving ahead with the idea, like tons of other people I've met recently.

What scares me are the implications of legally going ahead with it. As soon as I affect this change, I go from having a name reflective of my 'roots' -- the community, culture and country I was born in, the religious shit that was doled out to me, the ties to my blood family, etc. The new name's reflective of the ancient roman society which has no basis in the reality I live in. It would also mean changing my daughter's last name and may expose her to ridicule or bullying at school, though it could happen any way either way.

So, here's the big question to you smart and intelligent folks out here. Do you think it's a good idea to change your name and identity and achieve a break with a troubling and traumatizing past at the cost of potential ridicule from the bunch of people you'll meet in the future?

I would really like to hear your thoughts and opinions on this. Thank You for reading so far!!

I tend to agree with what the fellow above said. A name change wont do anything for you. It's all in your mind. You gotta go to work on your mind, then it wont matter what your name is. You dont derive any happiness from your name unless its something like Bigus Dickus . It sounds like you are struggling from a lack of identity. As cliche as it sounds, you must "know thyself". You should try the exercises MJ puts in his book. Do the billionaire exercise, after you have all the money and have traveled and taken care of all your hedonistic pleasures, then what will be left for you? What do you want to do with your life. Also, work your 1/5/10 Planasy. After you figure these out, all that will matter is action towards your goal, your name won't matter. Keep your name and prove to yourself that outside forces dont dictate your mind and your happiness.

 

[DarkKnight]

NA

 

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[Trismigistus]

So much deep stuff to process from the very thoughtful comments on this thread -- books to read, rabbit-holes to dig. A lot of work to do. Incredibly grateful for the help. I will get back to each comment individually later once I have done the processing.

But I just wanted to say it out aloud that my health is pretty F*cked right now. I go days without sleep, sometimes the prescription sleep meds and the occasional melatonin doesn't do the trick. Gave the mental health meds a try but they just don't work for me and in retrospect they have hurt me way more than they have helped. Their cumulative effect over the years have probably done more damage to my brain than any other dangerous vices I've overindulged in so far. I spoke openly about it to my doctor and she was very respectful about the whole affair and while she may disagree with me over my outlook of the whole mental-health industry of the west, she understands why I made the choice to not take those meds. I have a whole lot of numbers stored up on my phone though -- all mental health crisis helplines and I talk to these people more than I'd like to admit. It all ends with talking though and doesn't escalate to anything more.

I had to make the decision of going in the psychedelic world to feel better. My trips on acid were the first of the times that I really didn't feel suicidal and everything just appeared to be perfectly normal, with everything just precisely in position as it needed to be. Then came the mushrooms. Followed by DMT. Weed is more like a staple by now, I don't even look at it as a drug anymore unfortunately. I hang out with more hookers than I'd like to admit too. But they treat me well and I look at those encounters as more of a treat for myself than anything. The mental meds F*cked my libido completely, so sex is not really the only goal when I meet these women. Its more about laughing with another individual, having a good time without having to commit to anything or worry about pleasing her. I only see the women who treat me particularly well and buy them shit sometimes that they don't ask for.

My diet is equally F*cked. I eat maybe once a day if I am lucky at the local temple, blessed be those people. On a medical leave of absence from my job and and making no money means piling up financial pressure, so those things affect how I approach food as well. Cheap usually wins over quality when money is tight. (I do have a 100 grand in savings though so I am not really in immediate trouble though).

Right now its all experimentation because the truth is I don't really know myself and its trying and failing at different stuff that helps me figure out what I really like and what is the scripted nonsense stored on my mind.

I have people in my corner who just want me to stay safe and not hurt myself or others in this process whatever this nonsense is that I am overindulging in at the moment. I know all answers and true wisdom lies within, but I am learning about the ways to get in touch with that wisdom. I do my best everyday. I always put in a 100%, even though I know that thing that I am attempting might lead to a dead end.

Such a big wall of text really, but I put it out there because I know breadcrumbs might come my way by putting it here. I have no idea what I am doing, I haven't been so clueless my entire life. Just not dying TODAY seems to be my everyday goal for now.
A girl told me on one of my romps that the sun will shine eventually and it will be pleasant again. That idea seems to do the trick for now. Knowing that this is all just a phase after all and it will pass eventually because it's life after all.

Yeah, always open to feedback for improvements though. And I am at work in the meanwhile from all the gold and diamonds that have been given to me here. This forum has truly saved my life in more than one way.

You should start from square one, which is your physical health. Do healthy keto and intermittent fasting, get in the gym, lift and do cardio 3-5 times a week, and work on your sleep. Once you have that down then you can graduate to your mind. I wish you the best of luck man.

 

[Pain Brain]

So, here's the big question to you smart and intelligent folks out here. Do you think it's a good idea to change your name and identity and achieve a break with a troubling and traumatizing past at the cost of potential ridicule from the bunch of people you'll meet in the future?

No it is not a good idea for what you are trying to achieve. You value the culture and heritage your last name represents but are willing to give that up just to evade the judgement of others for what you've done in the past. Why do you think this is worth giving up to avoid the ridicule of others?

You also have a daughter who will surely question why you've made a decision to change your name along with her own. Reconsider whether the input of others warrants these lifestyle changes but also remember a change of name is not a change of character. It is not required for the changes you intend to make or to let go of the past.

 

[S.Y.]

Read this first:

Amazon.ca

 

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[Mattie]

I tend to agree with what the fellow above said. A name change wont do anything for you. It's all in your mind. You gotta go to work on your mind, then it wont matter what your name is. You dont derive any happiness from your name unless its something like Bigus Dickus . It sounds like you are struggling from a lack of identity. As cliche as it sounds, you must "know thyself". You should try the exercises MJ puts in his book. Do the billionaire exercise, after you have all the money and have traveled and taken care of all your hedonistic pleasures, then what will be left for you? What do you want to do with your life. Also, work your 1/5/10 Planasy. After you figure these out, all that will matter is action towards your goal, your name won't matter. Keep your name and prove to yourself that outside forces dont dictate your mind and your happiness.

If it's all non-sense, then why is M.J. not using his real name. And why do authors change thier name on books on any genre. I think J.K. Rowling even seen this with her books after the Harry Potter series.

It kind of goes against with Branding. As we say, the Name has a cause and effect on what the audience, or population, your serving. If Names were not so important then we would not be projecting the idea that you need the right click bait title, the right book cover title, the right name in Hollywood as a celebrity, musician, writer, and i see it like this.

Our society is so about symbols, meaning, definition, and what the Anchor word may be for a business.

If you take someone who is Adopted for example, this is not their true name or identity. It is legally given to them, just like Marriage. People hide behind names that have no real roots to their lineage or family ancestor.

For example: With Family D.N.A. you can see all the names that come up in a family genetics, but you might not have those names in your family tree. Say, your father was off to war, had sex with some women, left after the war and returned to his original family. She might have had a child, and no one knows it.

While I agree, names, titles, labels are all illusions, still, society believes you need to have a certain persona at times to be the "Star of the show." and you must network with certain families in society.

Take Elon musk naming his children odd and weird names to separate them from the norm of society.

Obviously, the names get attention in social media and become a hot topic and he knows this.
He names, Twitter the new name X. Roman numerals. X is the number 10.

Names have a cause and effect sometimes on how people perceive you. I have a married Dutch name and I"m not Dutch at all. Everyone affiliates me with the Dutch and I laugh, because i am not Dutch and they stereotype the Dutch to be a certain way in society.

 

[Trismigistus]

If it's all non-sense, then why is M.J. not using his real name. And why do authors change thier name on books on any genre. I think J.K. Rowling even seen this with her books after the Harry Potter series.

It kind of goes against with Branding. As we say, the Name has a cause and effect on what the audience, or population, your serving. If Names were not so important then we would not be projecting the idea that you need the right click bait title, the right book cover title, the right name in Hollywood as a celebrity, musician, writer, and i see it like this.

Our society is so about symbols, meaning, definition, and what the Anchor word may be for a business.

If you take someone who is Adopted for example, this is not their true name or identity. It is legally given to them, just like Marriage. People hide behind names that have no real roots to their lineage or family ancestor.

For example: With Family D.N.A. you can see all the names that come up in a family genetics, but you might not have those names in your family tree. Say, your father was off to war, had sex with some women, left after the war and returned to his original family. She might have had a child, and no one knows it.

While I agree, names, titles, labels are all illusions, still, society believes you need to have a certain persona at times to be the "Star of the show." and you must network with certain families in society.

Take Elon musk naming his children odd and weird names to separate them from the norm of society.

Obviously, the names get attention in social media and become a hot topic and he knows this.
He names, Twitter the new name X. Roman numerals. X is the number 10.

Names have a cause and effect sometimes on how people perceive you. I have a married Dutch name and I"m not Dutch at all. Everyone affiliates me with the Dutch and I laugh, because i am not Dutch and they stereotype the Dutch to be a certain way in society.

That is waaaaaay different. This dude is talking about doing it for his mental health not for promoting some product. Idk about MJ and if that is his real name or not, but using a different name for business reasons is not the same thing. And if I had to take a guess, if MJ DeMarco isnt his real name, then I doubt he is using that because he has some identity issue. Read the room lol

 

[Simon Angel]

But I just wanted to say it out aloud that my health is pretty F*cked right now. I go days without sleep, sometimes the prescription sleep meds and the occasional melatonin doesn't do the trick.

That's really bad.

Lack of sleep > increased stress and inflammation > decreased cognitive ability > irrational thoughts and heightened emotions > everything seems dramatic, hopeless, and depressing. Increased autoimmunity.

You need to make it a priority to fix your sleep.

There's a certain life hack that helps: physical exhaustion. Right now, it sounds like you're very mentally exhausted but probably aren't working out, taking long walks, running, etc. Do that.

Gave the mental health meds a try but they just don't work for me and in retrospect they have hurt me way more than they have helped. Their cumulative effect over the years have probably done more damage to my brain than any other dangerous vices I've overindulged in so far.

The brain is capable of some pretty miraculous stuff, namely neuroplasticity. The way you're coming across through your writing, I'd say you're nowhere close to as damaged as you fear you are, so keep your chin up.

have a whole lot of numbers stored up on my phone though -- all mental health crisis helplines and I talk to these people more than I'd like to admit. It all ends with talking though and doesn't escalate to anything more.

Until it does. You've obviously entertained the idea of suicide. I've been through (most people have) through a lot of shit as well, including medical conditions where I felt hopeless, desperate, and feared for my life. Throughout that time, I never felt suicidal.

But...

I did feel suicidal once. I was, metaphorically speaking, a slave to someone else because of the power I'd given them over my life—and lived in a self-imposed illusion where I had no control.

I was constantly stressed out about things I was "supposed" to care about. Things I was TOLD mattered. Things I was TOLD I was RESPONSIBLE for (by someone else!)

I felt like I was stuck in a rut and had no options when in fact I, metaphorically speaking, willingly stepped into that cage and swallowed the key...

But something I failed to realize for YEARS is that I could get out anytime I wanted to.

I just needed to make the decision to shit out the key and get my hands dirty.

The moral of the story is you always have control, you just need to zoom out and see the bigger picture.

Now, the question is...

Is there an area in your life you feel powerless or "forced" to deal with, too? If so, understand that this is of your own doing and you CAN get out.

I had to make the decision of going in the psychedelic world

You "had" to? Or did you want to?

Whenever you make bad/questionable decisions, It's easy to put the blame on your circumstances – tragic past, your dead son, depression, shitty marriage, etc.

And hell, most people would buy it and absolve you of any responsibility. But that doesn't really help you, does it?

You need to own your decisions—including the bad ones—and accept the blowback.

Say you do change your name to Augustus. Your daughter grows up and asks you what the F*ck is wrong with you:

"I f*cked up. I was in a bad time in my life and thought changing my name would help me cope with my self-hatred. It didn't and I made the wrong decision. If you want to change your name, I'll support you with any legal expenses needed for you to do so."

to feel better

Looks like it didn't help you in the long term, so the answer lies elsewhere.

My trips on acid were the first of the times that I really didn't feel suicidal and everything just appeared to be perfectly normal, with everything just precisely in position as it needed to be.

Yeah, that's because you're high lol.

Then came the mushrooms. Followed by DMT. Weed is more like a staple by now, I don't even look at it as a drug anymore unfortunately.

Chill out with that shit. It's not as natural as people think it is to take this stuff. Eventually, you're going to ACTUALLY F*ck your brain up to the point we wouldn't be having this discussion.

I hang out with more hookers than I'd like to admit too. But they treat me well

I mean, you're paying them and you sound miserable as hell. Who wouldn't?

and I look at those encounters as more of a treat for myself than anything. The mental meds F*cked my libido completely, so sex is not really the only goal when I meet these women. Its more about laughing with another individual, having a good time without having to commit to anything or worry about pleasing her.

Guess what, you don't HAVE to commit or worry about pleasing ANYONE.

Did you have a wife that you allowed to abuse you and make you feel ashamed? Manipulated you by withholding affection?

Or was it your parents?

Think about it. You have a lot of deep-rooted beliefs holding you back. By fixing your thinking and self-esteem, a lot of your problems will simply cease to exist.

My diet is equally F*cked. I eat maybe once a day if I am lucky at the local temple, blessed be those people. On a medical leave of absence from my job and and making no money means piling up financial pressure, so those things affect how I approach food as well. Cheap usually wins over quality when money is tight. (I do have a 100 grand in savings though so I am not really in immediate trouble though).

Dude. NEVER skimp out on healthy eating. Who cares about how much money you're saving when you end up spending it all on medical bills anyway?

Not to mention your time that's better spent engaging in a sport than getting a colonoscopy. Come on...

Right now its all experimentation because the truth is I don't really know myself and its trying and failing at different stuff that helps me figure out what I really like and what is the scripted nonsense stored on my mind.

I have people in my corner who just want me to stay safe and not hurt myself or others in this process whatever this nonsense is that I am overindulging in at the moment. I know all answers and true wisdom lies within, but I am learning about the ways to get in touch with that wisdom. I do my best everyday. I always put in a 100%, even though I know that thing that I am attempting might lead to a dead end.

I don't doubt you're doing your best. But in your case, your best is spinning your wheels and suffering because of unaddressed, deep-rooted issues.

Such a big wall of text really, but I put it out there because I know breadcrumbs might come my way by putting it here. I have no idea what I am doing, I haven't been so clueless my entire life. Just not dying TODAY seems to be my everyday goal for now.
A girl told me on one of my romps that the sun will shine eventually and it will be pleasant again. That idea seems to do the trick for now. Knowing that this is all just a phase after all and it will pass eventually because it's life after all.

Yeah, always open to feedback for improvements though. And I am at work in the meanwhile from all the gold and diamonds that have been given to me here. This forum has truly saved my life in more than one way.

Things will get better. Start by looking within. You've been in a toxic relationship with yourself now, presumably your whole life.

Free yourself of all the crap you THINK you know about yourself or what you've been TOLD about yourself. None of that is true.

Start expressing your true self unapologetically and shamelessly. Be your own judge.

Some will like you. Others will hate you. ..

But you will never hate YOURSELF again.

Your whole life can change in a snap of a finger. Starting from today.

 

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[Togata]

@Kung Fu Steve Please help him!

 

[AceVentures]

So much deep stuff to process from the very thoughtful comments on this thread -- books to read, rabbit-holes to dig. A lot of work to do. Incredibly grateful for the help. I will get back to each comment individually later once I have done the processing.

But I just wanted to say it out aloud that my health is pretty F*cked right now. I go days without sleep, sometimes the prescription sleep meds and the occasional melatonin doesn't do the trick. Gave the mental health meds a try but they just don't work for me and in retrospect they have hurt me way more than they have helped. Their cumulative effect over the years have probably done more damage to my brain than any other dangerous vices I've overindulged in so far. I spoke openly about it to my doctor and she was very respectful about the whole affair and while she may disagree with me over my outlook of the whole mental-health industry of the west, she understands why I made the choice to not take those meds. I have a whole lot of numbers stored up on my phone though -- all mental health crisis helplines and I talk to these people more than I'd like to admit. It all ends with talking though and doesn't escalate to anything more.

I had to make the decision of going in the psychedelic world to feel better. My trips on acid were the first of the times that I really didn't feel suicidal and everything just appeared to be perfectly normal, with everything just precisely in position as it needed to be. Then came the mushrooms. Followed by DMT. Weed is more like a staple by now, I don't even look at it as a drug anymore unfortunately. I hang out with more hookers than I'd like to admit too. But they treat me well and I look at those encounters as more of a treat for myself than anything. The mental meds F*cked my libido completely, so sex is not really the only goal when I meet these women. Its more about laughing with another individual, having a good time without having to commit to anything or worry about pleasing her. I only see the women who treat me particularly well and buy them shit sometimes that they don't ask for.

My diet is equally F*cked. I eat maybe once a day if I am lucky at the local temple, blessed be those people. On a medical leave of absence from my job and and making no money means piling up financial pressure, so those things affect how I approach food as well. Cheap usually wins over quality when money is tight. (I do have a 100 grand in savings though so I am not really in immediate trouble though).

Right now its all experimentation because the truth is I don't really know myself and its trying and failing at different stuff that helps me figure out what I really like and what is the scripted nonsense stored on my mind.

I have people in my corner who just want me to stay safe and not hurt myself or others in this process whatever this nonsense is that I am overindulging in at the moment. I know all answers and true wisdom lies within, but I am learning about the ways to get in touch with that wisdom. I do my best everyday. I always put in a 100%, even though I know that thing that I am attempting might lead to a dead end.

Such a big wall of text really, but I put it out there because I know breadcrumbs might come my way by putting it here. I have no idea what I am doing, I haven't been so clueless my entire life. Just not dying TODAY seems to be my everyday goal for now.
A girl told me on one of my romps that the sun will shine eventually and it will be pleasant again. That idea seems to do the trick for now. Knowing that this is all just a phase after all and it will pass eventually because it's life after all.

Yeah, always open to feedback for improvements though. And I am at work in the meanwhile from all the gold and diamonds that have been given to me here. This forum has truly saved my life in more than one way.

Mental health is the same thing as physical health. Remove the arbitrary abstraction of mental/bodily into an encompassing metabolic health, and you can more easily resolve your problems.

Develop your metabolic health. Quality sleep. Quality Whole Foods. Walk daily. Exercise 3-5 times a week. Make sure you’re getting sun time. Make sure you’re not deficient in any vitamins. Lose any/all stubborn fat.

Next up is stop isolating yourself. I remember in a prior thread you complained about loneliness but were thinking about picking up a second coding job. Don’t. Join a jiu-jitsu gym and make some friends. Challenge yourself physically and see how it changes your mindset whilst building confidence and self-respect.

Go to local community events. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Go to church or mosque or whichever place or communion you can find. You’ll find strong souls that can help you build faith in yourself.

And maybe stop going to therapy. This is my own personal opinion, but therapists are often themselves f*cked up people with a limited resource set, further propagating f*cked up ideas. Their training diagnoses “mental health” purely subjectively from symptoms that are metabolic issues in nature. Has your therapist recommended you go to jiujitsu instead of coming to cry to them instead? If not maybe they’re turning you into a bigger pussy that wallows in their own self-obsession. I’ve seen to many of my friends and family go to therapy for years and get nothing out of it and get more depressed than before.

Also if you need a friend DM me. We can hop on a call and talk. I’m not taking your money and have no incentive to keep you coming to my office to give you washed up information built on decades of ignorance on basic metabolic health.

All the best.

 

[Trismigistus]

Mental health is the same thing as physical health. Remove the arbitrary abstraction of mental/bodily into an encompassing metabolic health, and you can more easily resolve your problems.

Develop your metabolic health. Quality sleep. Quality Whole Foods. Walk daily. Exercise 3-5 times a week. Make sure you’re getting sun time. Make sure you’re not deficient in any vitamins. Lose any/all stubborn fat.

Next up is stop isolating yourself. I remember in a prior thread you complained about loneliness but were thinking about picking up a second coding job. Don’t. Join a jiu-jitsu gym and make some friends. Challenge yourself physically and see how it changes your mindset whilst building confidence and self-respect.

Go to local community events. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Go to church or mosque or whichever place or communion you can find. You’ll find strong souls that can help you build faith in yourself.

And maybe stop going to therapy. This is my own personal opinion, but therapists are often themselves f*cked up people with a limited resource set, further propagating f*cked up ideas. Their training diagnoses “mental health” purely subjectively from symptoms that are metabolic issues in nature. Has your therapist recommended you go to jiujitsu instead of coming to cry to them instead? If not maybe they’re turning you into a bigger pussy that wallows in their own self-obsession. I’ve seen to many of my friends and family go to therapy for years and get nothing out of it and get more depressed than before.

Also if you need a friend DM me. We can hop on a call and talk. I’m not taking your money and have no incentive to keep you coming to my office to give you washed up information built on decades of ignorance on basic metabolic health.

All the best.

There is undoubtedly a connection between physical health and mental health but they are different. Mental health sits on the foundation of physical health but mental health requires different remedies to be applied vs what you would apply for physical health. You cant know thyself by just taking care of your physical health.

 

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[Mattie]

There is undoubtedly a connection between physical health and mental health but they are different. Mental health sits on the foundation of physical health but mental health requires different remedies to be applied vs what you would apply for physical health. You cant know thyself by just taking care of your physical health.

I agree. Most people are concerned about the physical and don't take care of their inner world at all, and to focuses on the external world.

 

[Trismigistus]

I agree. Most people are concerned about the physical and don't take care of their inner world at all, and to focuses on the external world.

Well said.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

@Kung Fu Steve Please help him!

I mean... this thread is all over the damn place...

But I'll put my 2 cents in, which is probably what they're actually worth here.

Identity is the strongest force in the human psyche.

We will do literally anything to align with who we think we are. We will even violate our own rules, values, and morals to make sure our behavior matches that identity.

A name is a powerful thing simply because it presupposes a specific pattern of physiology, focus, and language. When you hear Jim Carrey, you automatically know he has a very specific physiology, focus, and language.

It's really clumsy to tell you "use your body like this, this, and this, and then breathe like this, no not like that, like this... and I want you to think like this... and wait no... like this... and speak like this... say these words... but no like this... no I mean like this... funnier." -- Or you could just say "act like Jim Carrey"

It wouldn't be perfect because you haven't had as much practice as he has... but 2 words create an entire meaning and can dramatically alter how you think, feel, and behave.

So in a word... can changing your name change your destiny? Absolutely.

...

...

You're still here? ... oh... you want to know why?

Okay here it is:

Meaning = Emotion. And the emotions you feel are a recipe of physiology, focus, and language. You and I can FEEL the same way (angry, sad, mad, whatever) if we used the exact same ingredients. Want to feel depressed?

Physiology: Drop your shoulders, breathe real shallow, slow it down, loosen your muscles, feel the gravity on your body...

Focus: start thinking about all the things you're not getting, you're not accomplishing, you're not providing for your family and friends, focus on the past, especially the things you can't change, focus on all the reasons people don't like you or love you

Language: now add some words and tell yourself how F*ckING stupid you are and how NOBODY will EVER LOVE YOU and how IT'S ALL POINTLESS. Say it with the same intensity. Say it the WAY you say it when you're in this state.

Boom. Now you're depressed.

It's a formula.

Most people practice this formula so much it becomes a habit. They feel depressed all the time. It starts to meet their needs for comfort and connection. Then someone comes along and gives it a name -- a label -- and now you say "I'M CLINICALLY DEPRESSED" and boom, it locks in the pattern. Say it enough, practice it enough, it becomes an identity, it becomes who you are. Now, no matter what we say or do, you'll go BACK to that identity because you're addicted to it. It meets your needs in kind of a perverted way.

Funny enough, if you ever get the chance to study psychology, this is exactly how multiple personality disorder was created. People behaved a certain way so intensely and gave it a name, then they started to disassociate with the emotion which meant it was a "person" ... feel the emotion strong enough, enough times, give it a name -- you've got an immediate pattern. You're now Jim Carrey... or Jesus... or whatever else people decide to call themselves.

To come back down to reality -- you're not (name) Clinically Depressed. You're @DarkKnight and at times you FEEL bummed out. (Question: is depression the same physiology, focus, and language as bummed out??? I don't know, you tell me!)

All this to say... can you use to your advantage? Could you practice CONFIDENT physiology by practicing standing up tall, with your shoulder rolled back, breathing fully -- could you PRACTICE that so much that it's how you normally walk or move?

Could you PRACTICE focusing on what could go right instead of what could go wrong? Could you PRACTICE focusing on the positive instead of the negative? Could you train yourself to think about others before you think about yourself? Could you train yourself to stop being so selfish and go out and help the world?

Could you CATCH yourself using negative language and correct it? Can you STOP yourself every time you say "can't " and start asking "how can I?" Can you catch yourself every time you say something negative about yourself and say something positive instead? Can you TRAIN these behaviors in yourself to BE the man you want to BE!?

... and can you give yourself a new EMPOWERING name to remind yourself who the F*ck you are? And every time you or anyone else says that name you step the F*ck up and show up as a powerful, charismatic person who doesn't NEED drugs or alcohol or approval from a bunch of dumbass strangers on the internet to go conquer the goddamn world?

Yes.

Yes, you can.

 

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[Andy Black]

I mean... this thread is all over the damn place...

But I'll put my 2 cents in, which is probably what they're actually worth here.

Identity is the strongest force in the human psyche.

We will do literally anything to align with who we think we are. We will even violate our own rules, values, and morals to make sure our behavior matches that identity.

A name is a powerful thing simply because it presupposes a specific pattern of physiology, focus, and language. When you hear Jim Carrey, you automatically know he has a very specific physiology, focus, and language.

It's really clumsy to tell you "use your body like this, this, and this, and then breathe like this, no not like that, like this... and I want you to think like this... and wait no... like this... and speak like this... say these words... but no like this... no I mean like this... funnier." -- Or you could just say "act like Jim Carrey"

It wouldn't be perfect because you haven't had as much practice as he has... but 2 words create an entire meaning and can dramatically alter how you think, feel, and behave.

So in a word... can changing your name change your destiny? Absolutely.

...

...

You're still here? ... oh... you want to know why?

Okay here it is:

Meaning = Emotion. And the emotions you feel are a recipe of physiology, focus, and language. You and I can FEEL the same way (angry, sad, mad, whatever) if we used the exact same ingredients. Want to feel depressed?

Physiology: Drop your shoulders, breathe real shallow, slow it down, loosen your muscles, feel the gravity on your body...

Focus: start thinking about all the things you're not getting, you're not accomplishing, you're not providing for your family and friends, focus on the past, especially the things you can't change, focus on all the reasons people don't like you or love you

Language: now add some words and tell yourself how F*ckING stupid you are and how NOBODY will EVER LOVE YOU and how IT'S ALL POINTLESS. Say it with the same intensity. Say it the WAY you say it when you're in this state.

Boom. Now you're depressed.

It's a formula.

Most people practice this formula so much it becomes a habit. They feel depressed all the time. It starts to meet their needs for comfort and connection. Then someone comes along and gives it a name -- a label -- and now you say "I'M CLINICALLY DEPRESSED" and boom, it locks in the pattern. Say it enough, practice it enough, it becomes an identity, it becomes who you are. Now, no matter what we say or do, you'll go BACK to that identity because you're addicted to it. It meets your needs in kind of a perverted way.

Funny enough, if you ever get the chance to study psychology, this is exactly how multiple personality disorder was created. People behaved a certain way so intensely and gave it a name, then they started to disassociate with the emotion which meant it was a "person" ... feel the emotion strong enough, enough times, give it a name -- you've got an immediate pattern. You're now Jim Carrey... or Jesus... or whatever else people decide to call themselves.

To come back down to reality -- you're not (name) Clinically Depressed. You're @DarkKnight and at times you FEEL bummed out. (Question: is depression the same physiology, focus, and language as bummed out??? I don't know, you tell me!)

All this to say... can you use to your advantage? Could you practice CONFIDENT physiology by practicing standing up tall, with your shoulder rolled back, breathing fully -- could you PRACTICE that so much that it's how you normally walk or move?

Could you PRACTICE focusing on what could go right instead of what could go wrong? Could you PRACTICE focusing on the positive instead of the negative? Could you train yourself to think about others before you think about yourself? Could you train yourself to stop being so selfish and go out and help the world?

Could you CATCH yourself using negative language and correct it? Can you STOP yourself every time you say "can't " and start asking "how can I?" Can you catch yourself every time you say something negative about yourself and say something positive instead? Can you TRAIN these behaviors in yourself to BE the man you want to BE!?

... and can you give yourself a new EMPOWERING name to remind yourself who the F*ck you are? And every time you or anyone else says that name you step the F*ck up and show up as a powerful, charismatic person who doesn't NEED drugs or alcohol or approval from a bunch of dumbass strangers on the internet to go conquer the goddamn world?

Yes.

Yes, you can.

Very good Steve.

I read a book about Positive Thinking for Young People when I was about 13. Just learning I have a choice about how I think and react was an eye-opener.

I CATCH myself all the time from saying "Yes, but" and force myself to say "Yes, and". It's become a habit now.

I CATCH myself from saying "This is boring" and instead say "How can this be more interesting?".

I PRACTICE saying "Thanks for" every day. When someone follows or replies to me I send a PM saying "Thanks for following". When someone pisses me off I say "Thanks for..." and it changes the tone of my reply, and my mindset.

I don't allow myself to get pulled into emotional arguments in the forum. I PRACTICE dropping a simple question and moving on.

Just some examples people can use.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

Very good Steve.

I read a book about Positive Thinking for Young People when I was about 13. Just learning I have a choice about how I think and react was an eye-opener.

I CATCH myself all the time from saying "Yes, but" and force myself to say "Yes, and". It's become a habit now.

I CATCH myself from saying "This is boring" and instead say "How can this be more interesting?".

I PRACTICE saying "Thanks for" every day. When someone follows or replies to me I send a PM saying "Thanks for following". When someone pisses me off I say "Thanks for..." and it changes the tone of my reply, and my mindset.

I don't allow myself to get pulled into emotional arguments in the forum. I PRACTICE dropping a simple question and moving on.

Just some examples people can use.

It's a good reminder for me, too. My little ventures are taking off quickly and it's creating a lot of stress. slack messages from team members aren't usually good news so I've been racing to put out one fire after another for the last couple of weeks.

I have to breathe and ask myself, "How would Mr. Hilgart respond to this" versus Steve?

It definitely centers me. There are the different archetypes of the Warrior, the King, The Magician, and the Lover.

The idea of "who is the most appropriate archetype to handle this situation" ... bigger discussion obviously but this guy above could benefit simply by creating something other than depressed victim Joe (or whatever).

 

[DarkKnight]

Nothing wrong with letting go of the past and starting fresh.

The real question is deciding if its a HARD requirement set in stone to start afresh really. If it will make a real difference. Maybe it will. I am reading through a book recommended on this thread but I have LOT to process before I can make a decision.

Thanks for participating in the dialogue.

 

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[DarkKnight]

Just use the new name as a nickname or preferred name and skip the legal nonsense.

Why go half way and not all the way if it has to be done at all? Why play small? Either go all the way or not even start?

 

[DarkKnight]

Do the billionaire exercise, after you have all the money and have traveled and taken care of all your hedonistic pleasures, then what will be left for you? What do you want to do with your life. Also, work your 1/5/10 Planasy.

Sorry, but where can I find the billionaire exercise and the 1/5/10 Planasy? Can you please point me to the resources. Thank You sir!

Keep your name and prove to yourself that outside forces don't dictate your mind and your happiness.

Would it not be a better idea to see it that way that its not a requirement to remain static, why not open yourself to the possibility of being dynamic?

Here's a piece of poetry by the drunk Bukowski that has captured my imagination whenever I think about this:

“invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
don't swim in the same slough.
invent yourself and then reinvent yourself and
stay out of the clutches of mediocrity.
invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
change your tone and shape so often that they can never categorize you.
reinvigorate yourself and
accept what is
but only on the terms that you have invented
and reinvented.
be self-taught.
and reinvent your life because you must;
it is your life and
its history
and the present
belong only to
you.”
― Charles Bukowski, The Pleasures of the Damned

The real question I am wondering about is if a reinvention really requires a change of name and identity? I know it does not HAVE to be done that way. But the book that I am going through suggested by a gentleman on this forum "Psycho-Cybernetics" has blown the lids off my F*cking mind and made me realize the value of perception which affects the way we 'see' things which affects how we act, how we show up, the state of mind as we approach the problem and what goes on as we make an attempt towards solving it.

I mean I had some deep experiences in meditation and I KNOW truly without fail that I do not have a name, for consciousness, whether it exists in the attire of a sentient being or a planet or a galaxy is the same consciousness after all. Just because there is a speck of it inside me doesn't mean I am any different from all that exists out there. It is pointless really to even attempt to label it -- at best it just causes confusion.

So, if it truly does not matter, would it not make sense to just take a name that makes things easier towards the progression of a goal? Its just a F*cking label after all. It doesn't actually define me. But if it makes things more optimized towards a goal realization, then why not do it.

And there's more of a backstory to this. I know I am all f*cked up and I really have nothing to truly show anything for it right now, but I'd like to dream that one day I can start a business, make it successful, make my millions, then write a book and then when its time to die, renounce all material wealth and titles and head to Mount Kailash on an attempt to leave my own body at will. I see myself using a different name to do the entrepreneurship, a new name to do the authoring and a name name yet again when I renounce.